Originally Posted By: meowbunny
As brutal as it sounds, once he turns 18, you can give him a choice -- either follow the house rules, which includes taking your medications and seeing your therapists, or leave...
...rather than bribing, simply tell him if he doesn't do what is required, his world is not going to be very pleasant. If he drives, no use of a motor vehicle and no taking him places. No good "stuff." That is, clothes from Goodwill, electronic equipment removed from his room...
...They want all the privileges of adulthood but none of the responsibilities. It usually takes some nasty eye-opening to get them to see they can't have it both ways.
Ditto what MB said. Once they're 18, your options become more limited. But then again, your legal (if not moral and/or ethical) responsibilities are reduced as well.
My personal experience is that it takes the "real world" to open up the eyes of some older teens. For my son, it started with an ultimatum that he get help or leave in January, followed by successive "real world" health threats from his habits, culminating with the "real world" experience of being arrested on drug charges.
It took the "real world" making a couple of hard swipes at his thick head with a bat, but he finally started paying attention (reminds me of the joke about the donkey, the old man, and the 2x4). Will it last? Who knows? But right now, he's paying attention, engaging in his own life again, and that's all I can hope for.
The truth is that eventually, the real world will catch up with your son. The only question is when will it happen, and will he be in a position to deal with it when it DOES happen. Luckily for me, my son is still young enough (and capable of being scared enough) to finally recognize the need to change, even if he doesn't have the desire to change. Had the same things happened 5 years from now, would he respond the same way if faced with the same issues? Maybe, but it would have been MUCH harder for him.
And that's the only guidance I feel qualified to share. If you can, precipitate his experience of "real world" choices and consequences as soon as you can. The sooner, the better. There's a better chance he'll turn to you for help and guidance when he hits bottom when he's younger and less sure of himself than when he's older.
One other thought: you say he's bipolar. Is it possible to construe in some way that he's unable to care for himself as an adult, and you're unable to care for him as an adult? It seems to me that another "real world" situation would be one where you no longer have the parental nuclear option of "BECAUSE I SAID SO", and cannot "force" him to do what's necessary for his own health and well-being. Is it possible to get a PINS order and force him into some facility or treatment that will stabilize him enough for you to make him aware of what he's really facing if he continues to act this way?
Just my two cents.
Mikey