Breaking Point.....

[DramaQueenLucy]

I am just tired. I love my boys but they are both GsGF and I am sick of this just when one starts to do ok the other is off the wall. I am forever running somewhere for them, one of their many weekly appointments, who left what at home that I have to run to school, difficult child 2 did what? IEP's, school phone calls & e-mails, work the messy house, what happened to the toilet? Landry, work getting difficult child 2 to wear the weather appropriate clothing, my own medical/mental health. I am just worn out and keep getting sad/depressed....feeling sorry for myself. Things aren't nice in my house right now difficult child 2 is off the wall....and I am just worn out. I don't want to do this anymore but I don't have a choice.

I just feel like I am at my breaking point, I stopped caring about what I am eating, there just doesn't seem to be time for that, I feel guilty when I do take time to do something ie: getting my nails done. Guess I need to get my butt back to the doctor myself maybe some new medications will help.

Sorry for the emotional barf

 

[trinityroyal]

DQL, emotional barf is exactly what we're here for.
Sorry that you're feeling so blah. It can be hard when you're constantly dealing with difficult child drama to even think about doing something for yourself, let alone really allowing yourself to enjoy it without guilt.

I agree that it may be worth talking to your doctor to see if there are any medications that can help.

I also think that you need to not beat yourself up for wanting to take care of yourself. It's like the saying "put your own gas mask on first". If you're run down and feeling rotten, then you don't have as much to give when your family needs you.

You need to put yourself on your priority list, preferably somewhere near the top. Otherwise you run the risk of burning out, and when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Be gentle with yourself. Vent away. We're here and we understand.

Sending gentle hugs,
Trinity

 

[ShyChelle]

Sorry to hear you are stressing out Colleen. I've been the Calgon Take me Away moments. I have to agree with Trinity. If you don't make you a priority then it makes it hard for you to take care of anyone else. They boys have lots of needs but who will take care of them if you wear yourself out? Any way you can have a therapist. Or any one in the support groups/etc that might give you a break of one day? You are an awesome mom! I wish I could go up to T town and give you the hugs personally. BIG HUGS TO YA!

 

[flutterby]

I feel your pain.

You have to take care of yourself, *especially* because you already have a compromised immune system with RA. Stress can wreak all kinds of havoc on the body. I'm sure you already know that stress will kick up and/or worsen a flare. I don't think there's any coincidence to the lives we live and the number of parents on this board with significant health issues.

I used to feel guilty, too. I had to take care of my kids and everything else came last. Until I ended up in the psychiatric hospital with severe depression with-psychotic features. And even after that, I still struggled with it. My therapist used to stress it and I thought she was off her rocker. I mean, my kids needed me and it was just inconceivable to put my needs higher on the list. Now, because of my physical health, the choice was kinda taken away from me. And, of course, I feel guilty about that! Mother's guilt. Sigh....

This is just a lot of words to say: you have to take care of you. You can't possibly take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself. Think of the airplane oxygen mask - you're instructed to put it on yourself and then your child. The reason for that is that you cannot help your child if you're struggling yourself.

(((hugs))) I know it's hard.

 

[Wiped Out]

First off hugs and be gentle with yourself. It is hard to find the time to take care of ourselves. We are often so tired from dealing with our difficult children it is hard to imagine finding the time for ourselves. Yet that is exactly what we need to do. I know it is so much easier said than done.

For me that means trying to find time to work out. I am so much better able to deal with my kiddos when I do that. I didn't get to do it much this winter and it showed in my attitude. Now I'm starting to get back into the swing of things and my attitude is improving.

For you that might mean taking some time to read a good book, or take a relaxing bath. Definitely get checked by the doctor as well. Hugs.

 

[DramaQueenLucy]

I am happy to announce that I am out of my funk at least for now. Made an appointment with a psychiatrist for myself as my md will not give me anything besides the paxil that I just don't feel is helping anymore. I am thinking about seeing a therapist once every 2 weeks but I would need to find one that takes my insurance and then I would need to find the time to see one...ugh My guilt about taking me time is out of control. I used to like to read before things got bad with the boys now the only book I have are about things that are issues with the kids. I used to take time to think about my diet and now just eating anything is good enough. I used to care about my appearance and now I get dressed just so I can go do whatever the kids need. I used to enjoy going to the campgrounds now I stress about how the boys will behave with other people there and it isn't fun anymore. So yeah I think it is time to go see someone about me the guilt and stress seems to have taken over everything that I am doing....ugh

 

[SRL]

Good for you for taking positive steps forward. I know where you're coming from about no longer making time or effort for things that were once important.

 

[Jena]

I'm glad to see you made the appointment also. It is so very hard to lose sight of our own health care and self care when we have challenging children, with tons of appoitnments, etc.

It is hard, and venting helps alot!! Vent away..........

 

[Nomad]

I was in a similar place.
For me...I took baby steps.
I started working out two days a week and going to WW.
I kept those two days sacred. I did this for a long time.
Then I switched to three days a week. Did this for a long time.
Then I did four days a week.
Then four or five days a week. All this took a LONG LONG LONG time.
Today, I have a lot on my plate again, so it is back to 3 or 4 days a week.
I've gained a little weight...so, I'm going to do what needs to be done to get it to FOUR days a week. It's ALWAYS a work in progress...always requiring some thought.
It started with working out TWO days a week...a committment to just that.
Additionally...all along...if I feel down...I make an apt. with my psychiatrist. If I feel sickly...with a physician.
Honestly...best to nip these things in the bud.
Hang in there....glad you vented and are taking actions to feel better.
Wishing you well.

 

[ShyChelle]

I am glad that you are feeling better and taking care of yourself. Hugs from your fellow okie.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

DQL,

I'm getting here late but am very happy to see that you're taking positive steps to help yourself feel better. When my difficult children were younger, I used to cry myself to sleep many, many nights... I couldn't imagine ever having a "life" again... I felt like a wrung out dish rag...

Finding this bb was a lifesaver!!! It was comforting to find that there are people here who truly understand my feelings. It was through their advice and support that I began to understand that I had to take care of myself all of the time, not just when it is convenient.

The others have given you great advice. Take baby steps. Don't try to make too many changes at once. From what you've written here, I think you're on the right path. I'm glad you're going camping this weekend. You're going to be ok.

Post as much as you need to. I was skeptical at first, but it really helped me. Life with difficult children is difficult (what an understatement!!!) but you can raise them and take care of yourself at the same time. I really wish I understood this years ago!!!

I'm still working on detachment - difficult child 1 will be moving out soon. However, this is another story for another time...

Anyway, I'm glad you're part of our "family." WFEN

 

[DramaQueenLucy]

Saw the psychiatrist this morning and I am now the proud owner of a script for prozac and an appointment for therapy, I still haven't figured out how to make time for them but psychiatrist say they are not optional and I have to make time some where.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

DQL,

I'm glad the psychiatrist gave you a script to help you feel better. And, I agree - No matter how hard it is to schedule time for therapy, please do it! In the long run, when you're feeling better, you'll be able to cope much better with all of the garbage difficult child throws your way.

in my humble opinion, you're doing great! Glad to hear more good news. WFEN

 

[1905]

(((HUGS)))) I'm glad you're getting some relief, my easy child takes Prozac, he's like a normal kid again. Soon you'll be feeling well also!