My nearly 29 year old son has been on a downward slide for nearly 10 years. He graduated high school healthy and happy, active in band and sports, with nearly a 4.0 in honors classes. He entered the University of Michigan and was on the Deans List his Freshman year. After that his grades dropped as did his demeanor. He graduated with a degree in engineering and moved home where he locked himself in his room playing video games 24/7. We were in total shock, but were not going to allow that kind of behavior in our home. We took the door off the hinges and took away his computer. He was furious, moved out, and got a good engineering job. That job lasted 6 months as did the next 3. When he lost each job he stayed in his apartment playing video games until his money ran out, not even bothering to apply for unemployment. After the 4th job in our area he moved to Chicago where his oldest brother lived and got his “dream job”. Six to nine months later (not sure exactly when) he lost that job. When his money ran out he got a job making pizzas, was fired, and got another job making pizzas. He came home with his brother on Thanksgiving. I was aghast when he came to me after everybody went to bed and blasted me that his problems were all my fault, largely because we took the door off the hinges and denied him privacy. He also claimed my infrequent texts were so awful he couldn’t get out of bed after getting them! He does not answer his phone or reply to texts so I only text maybe once a month letting him know we are here to help and love him unconditionally. The next day his middle brother talked to him and he showed him my texts and his perception of them was nowhere near what they said! He has admitted that he can no longer make the rent on his ramshackle room and is fearful of homelessness. He finally agreed to get help but will only cooperate with his brother’s wife who lives near him. We have agreed to pay for a psychiatrist and he began to go last week. This psychiatrist is $300 a week and we are not made of money! This problem with my son is my biggest heartache and I don’t talk about it to anyone. However, it is only one of 3 big problems. My daughter’s husband had an affair, filed for divorce, and she and her 2 toddlers moved in with us 6 months ago. She is devastated, as are we. She is educated, but has lost her certification and will need to go back to school. In the meantime she is working a low paying job while I care for her 2 little boys, ages 2 and 3, who fight all the time. I love them dearly, but they take every ounce of my time and energy. She does attend a support group, but leans heavily on me for emotional support. That is problem #2. Problem #3 is that my 92 year old father lives in assisted living close to me and is incredibly demanding. I have one adopted brother, an alcoholic, who lives 700 miles away. My father was still taking care of him until I brought Dad to live near me 7 years ago. Needless to say brother is no help at all. Over the last few months Dad has been calling me up to 15 times a day. He is totally focused on a noise he hears at night that keeps him awake. Nobody else hears this noise. I have spent the night there; have talked endlessly to doctors who he will not cooperate with because he says the noise is from his furnace, not in his ears; and, in the past month, my husband and I have moved his two rooms of furniture over a dozen times at his demand to get away from the noise. Recently he has been demanding that I take him to a motel! (Initially he wanted to move in with me to get away from the noise, until I reminded him that my house is anything but quiet!). Now a room has become available this weekend and he plans that we will move him in ASAP. Problem is that we are going to Chicago for problem son’s birthday and feel that it is very important to do so to show our support. Dad will be very upset. Any time we have anything else to do he whines about how that other thing, no matter what it is, is so much more important than he is. That is it in a nutshell. I had never envisioned such problems at 64 years old.
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