JJJ
Active Member
Kanga is all excited about coming home. She totally does not get that she has more work to do (as in any work at all on her actual issues). When I pointed out that we have a lot of hard work ahead of us in our upcoming family therapy sessions, for example going over the rules of the house and being sure she accepts them and agrees to follow them, she got quite irate. We only touched on two simple rules - go to her bedroom at 8:30pm at which time she can choose to read or listen to her cds with her headphones with lights out at 9pm (she will have to get up at 5:45am for school, at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she is lights out at 10am for a 7:00am wake-up so it is the same amount of sleep) and a reminder that we do not allow radios in the house (but we do allow approved cds and she has quite the collection).
She then started in on how she plans to go out in the neighborhood and hang out (NO) and how she plans to play with her siblings out of our sight (again, NO). I explained to her that we would work with the school and the park district to be sure she had a fun activity everyday with her friends but that she was not going to run wild and unsupervised and that the safety plan is still in effect with regards to her siblings.
She DEMANDED to speak with husband because she was going to get him to say that those weren't really the rules. I refused to let her talk to husband and told her that she was not to manipulate us and that if either one of us made a rule, it was the rule.
After she hung up, I reminded husband that this was his chance to be strong and not take the path of least resistance with her. That if we did not take advantage of her being in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with a good family therapist to get her to accept the basic rules of the house, that we were setting her up for failure. That if he wanted an easy life when she returns home, that he better get with the program now.
I'm still a bit worried about him, because she can still manipulate him. He calls it "not being in her face" and I call it "giving in so you don't have to teach her that there are rules" (Can you tell why she is able to triangulate us LOL?)
She says she accepts the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s rules but she doesn't like our rules.
She then started in on how she plans to go out in the neighborhood and hang out (NO) and how she plans to play with her siblings out of our sight (again, NO). I explained to her that we would work with the school and the park district to be sure she had a fun activity everyday with her friends but that she was not going to run wild and unsupervised and that the safety plan is still in effect with regards to her siblings.
She DEMANDED to speak with husband because she was going to get him to say that those weren't really the rules. I refused to let her talk to husband and told her that she was not to manipulate us and that if either one of us made a rule, it was the rule.
After she hung up, I reminded husband that this was his chance to be strong and not take the path of least resistance with her. That if we did not take advantage of her being in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with a good family therapist to get her to accept the basic rules of the house, that we were setting her up for failure. That if he wanted an easy life when she returns home, that he better get with the program now.
I'm still a bit worried about him, because she can still manipulate him. He calls it "not being in her face" and I call it "giving in so you don't have to teach her that there are rules" (Can you tell why she is able to triangulate us LOL?)
She says she accepts the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s rules but she doesn't like our rules.