Sadflower, I am so sorry for all of this drama. I know your plate is over filled with everything going on in your life, divorce, move, new job, new school. What you are going through is very, very, tough.
Sometimes I don't even know what to tell her (especially when she goes into those rants about how Americans suck and know nothing about foreign cultures and that her original culture was "stolen" from her).
My children are mixed-Caucasian, Hawaiian, Chinese. There is an on-going cultural renaissance, and there are real, true historical breaches between the U.S.and Hawaii. There are many different attitudes towards this. Some have accepted it, others are pushing for Hawaiian sovereignty.
My feeling is that it is
intrinsic to my children's health to know their culture, to feel a sense of pride in their origins. I don't know if there are organizations where you are that teach your daughters cultural dances, language, poetry, stories, but that may be a start for her. You could suggest to her that
she look into it. In other words, rather than anger towards the U.S., she opens up doors to understanding her own culture.
I came back home to find the 19-year-old boyfriend there,
I do not wish to offend you, but, Sadflower, please
do not call him a boyfriend.
He is a young adult taking advantage of a distraught, mixed up
girl. In most states, a 19 year old seeking a 13 year old is considered
unlawful. He has no right and should have no business with your daughter.
It was only when he ran off that I stepped forward. Daughter was so upset she was shaking and couldn't talk without yelling. I got her inside and make her some tea and she slowly calmed down. Then she told me that he wanted her to sleep because she supposedly "owes" him.
Let her know that it is her body, her right. I am glad that she resisted and fought him. This may be a way for you to go get that restraining order. He is pressuring her for sex, why does she owe him? Has he been feeding her meth? I shudder, SF, to think of it. It repulses me, reminds me of my daughter at this age with that 21 year old. What, and why does a 19 year old man, want anything to do with a 13 year old?
I'm still stunned by the developments... daughter keeps complaining about that guy and says he's a "creep". I hope it'll be a good lesson for her.
She is trying to tell you something here, SF. She may be conflicted, and not value herself enough to kick him to the curb.
He
is a creep SF.
Help her know that this is not how a girl is supposed to be treated. Help her to get a restraining order. She needs to be protected from this, from
him. He needs to know that if he tries to contact her, police will become involved. That may keep him away from her.
There are news stories everywhere of how addicts seek out youngsters this age, to
turn them. It is easy, because this is such an impressionable age. They look for kids like your daughter, who are lost and angry.
She needs help with this, it is too big for her to handle. He is abusing and using her.
Yes, she rides horses, which I think will eventually have a good influence of her. One day at a time... we'll eventually make it.
Yes, I think you are right in this with the horses. They have a way with people.
SF, there is a good article that Cedar posted in the Watercooler
http://www.emotionalgeographic.com/parents-corner/2015/6/23/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you
I thought it had some good points.
I wish you peace and hope you are able to take some quality time for yourself. This is all very exhausting.
Stay strong! You are doing this one day at a time.
(((HUGS)))
leafy