Can't believe I am going to say this but...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, May 14, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I feel better after talking with M this morning. He asked me to call him so I did and we had a long talk.

    He did not hire difficult child a lawyer so that she could get out. He hired him so that difficult child can have some rights - like she told him that she is sleeping on a top bunk. She is five months pregnant and should not be climbing to a top bunk. I agree with that and have put a call in to the jail. Had to leave a voicemail, of course.

    I told him that I get waves of guilt that she is still there and he told me NO - to NOT feel guilty. He agrees that she is there because of HER actions and her choices. He is frustrated with her, as we all are, that she continually blames everyone for everything and doesn't "own" her "koi". He told me he was on the phone with her that morning and she told him that she was readying a dose and they got into a fight about that. So she went to pretrial services high and blames ME??

    We cleared up some untruths on both sides that difficult child has told. We both agree that she probably doesn't even know anymore where the lies end and the truth begins.

    We both agree that we want difficult child clean and stable to be a good mother to Connor (and M is hoping a wife). He is now on my side about everything. He said he thought 18 months was a bit extreme but agreed that difficult child probably needs that. She claims she doesn't want it because she doesn't want to stay in that county, but he told her she can change her address all day long, but until she wants to change as a person - it won't help a thing.

    She told him that her shoplifting charge came up (did she honestly think it wouldn't??). She told him that she was told she was going to be locked up through July. He told me jail stinks, but it won't kill her and he was praying it would give her some humility. But he is frustrated that he hasn't seen any. We are both glad that Connor has had this time to be healthy, though and tomorrow will be 21 days clean.

    She also told him that she has been going to church a lot and wanted to continue going when she got out. I see that as a good thing!!

    So, my resolve is strengthened and I feel a bit better about her still being locked up. He offered to show me the picture he has of baby Connor if I came out there but I can't leave work for that - it is almost an hour to get there. :(
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you had a good conversation with M.
    I absolutely agree that difficult child needs to come clean and OWN her choices etc. That's why a Fourth Step is so take that personal inventory and REALLY see the truth about where the drugs/alcohol have taken difficult child. And then of course making ammends.
    It's hard to get that place...

    Was just thinking maybe you could attend an AA meeting and see if you can get a Fourth Step Inventory Sheet(s) for difficult child to fill in while she is locked up and then share with a Sponser (of her choice) when she gets out or is sent to rehab. It would at least give her some "homework" of sorts and maybe help her see her role...and stop blaming you and others for her predicament.

    I hope difficult child will "wake up" soon.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't want to sound negative but that is pretty much what he has said to you in the past and then he turns completely around and accuses you of interfering. It's almostlike he is two different people. I would just be careful because I don;t trust him. Also where does he get the money to hire a lawyer. I have news for him, lawyers have no say in what goes on in a jail. husband has had clients who were not getting their medications or who had serious issues and problems that had to be dealt with even deaths in the family and they all fell on deaf ears.

    I hope I am wrong and he is who he you think he is but I would still tread carefully.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Nah, I don't trust him either....never have....just helped ME realize and know that again, I was doing the right thing...
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't truthfully recall the details of your relationship with your Ex BUT I've had one. He is NOT an evil man (my Ex) but we do not travel the same road. Please be cautionsly optimistic that you and Ex are on the same page. I truly hope it is true but accept that there may be some "posturing". on the other hand...even intact families don't always agree on the game plan for difficult child's. difficult child's are derisive. Sad but true. Meanwhile I'm keeping you in my thoughts & prayers. DDD
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wait,.isn't M the baby daddy?

    Glad he called and also that your armor is still up. Super happy that the baby is getting time off drugs.

    Hugs, hang in there!
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Yes, M is difficult child's baby daddy....either I misunderstand him at times or he double talks...need to figure out which and keep a bit guarded when talking to him. It seems we are on the same page...but time will tell....
  8. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm confused. If he said she was readying a dose, and you believe she went to court high, just this morning then she is getting drugs in jail and is not clean?? Maybe I am misreading.

    I wouldn't trust M either, but I would be all ears if he spills info about difficult child. I'd be very cautious to not tell him any plans you have to speak with people at the courts or otherwise.
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh PG I am glad you are talking to M.... you had better feelings for him before. I agree that he is a source of information and that is useful for you and it does sound like he cares about her in his own way and that at least for the moment you are on the same page.... but you are smart to keep in mind who he is and he is full of his own problems so yeah dont trust him and be careful of what you tell him!

    And Mattsmom.... I think that morning referrred to the morning she was initially going to court not the morning of the day that PG talked to M.

  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think having M as a source of information and a way to keep connected to the situation is a good thing. You are wise to stay on your toes about the information he shares with you.
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just remember that M is a drug addict, too. We all know that addicts lie so while I think it is good to keep the communication open . . . always consider the source of the information.