Circle of Support for Mamaof5

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Jan 13, 2011.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Mamaof5 is dealing with a very personal marriage crisis right now. She can use our support, love and strength as she faces the problems and makes very difficult decisions.

    Sending love, support, strength and extra rhino skin to her!!

    Reaching out from sunny Oklahoma to . . .
     
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    sunny SoCal, sending a flock of prayers for strength and courage to do whatever is best for you. And on to...
     
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    ...not-so-sunny Central CA. Many hugs, prayers, and good thoughts headed your way. And on to...
     
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    to new york...a lot of us are going through it too...let me know if there's anything I can do, pm if you need to yell at someone to get it out of your system or a shoulder to cry on!

    reaching out to...
     
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Toronto. Sending many hugs and lots of support and strength

    Reaching out to...
     
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    New York State. Sending prayers, good thoughts and a supportive shoulder to lean on. Reaching out to...
     
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    New Jersey..sending you a ton of strength, and a huge shoulder...reaching to..
     
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Indiana...I know your pain *HUGS*.... reaching out to...
     
  9. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Reaching out from Pennsylvania ... Hugs and prayers Mamaof5 ...
     
  10. jal

    jal Member

    Grabbing a hand in CT...Strength and support to you from someone whose been where you are...
     
  11. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    . . . . in MI, sending good thoughts and my own understanding of how tough things can be, reaching out to . . .
     
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sunny, chilly SE Virginia, reaching out to ...
     
  13. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    You guys made me cry.

    I did confront him. We spent 6 hours together working it out and he told all I already knew and rest I didn't. No physical, all emotional. It started in Yoville as a gaming thing with no meaning and was a situation that got out of hand. The OW knows about how I know. All his Yoville and IMVU friends know I know and he's not going to be playing Yoville for a long time and I let him keep the IMVU with major ground rules and I'm joining IMVU to take up an interest in his interests.

    I was civil, surprisingly calm and didn't cry when I confronted him. I have this complex about crying in front of people, I can't stand doing it. So all isn't up to par because we have a lot of work to do but we're actually good right now. He got rid of her off of everything and anyone else I felt I didn't want on there, even got rid of the two FB accounts that we're fake (got rid of all the pictures, friends, everything first because he himself said you can only de-activate it but you can get rid of everything before you de-activate so he volunteered to do that on his own - shows me he is set in repairing the damage and working on it).

    It started in Yoville on FB as a way to play the game with no meaning at all (still wrong, an under ground gaming set of unsaid rules about people looking for "virtual girlfriend\boyfriend Yoville characters, like creating a pretend community) and just got out of hand. I did see in key logger that when he says he got fed up with her taking it too far he would either ignore her advances or tell her to behave and stop it. He told the truth and I believe him that it was something that just got away on him and he didn't know how to fix the problem. He hid it because he didn't know how I would react. I've reacted badly to this kind of drama before in the past when a woman tried to step into "my territory" as the saying goes.. that time he wasn't at fault, that young lady was ...well...prowling and he'd told her he was married with kids several times and not interested. I went on the war path and even called her boyfriend and told him what she was doing and ripped her a new one badly so yeah I can see him being scared that I'd publicly rip apart both of them in front of the whole world on the internet and being stuck with that idea and being afraid to ask me for help with this chick.

    So it was something that got out of hand, she had more investment in it than he did. He was acutally getting very annoyed with her at this point but he still isn't off the hook about letting it happen in the first place and hiding things from me. He did, of his own free will, remove everything I asked him to. Including her.

    So yeah, we're not par completely but it's still good and will get great again. I'm pretty surprised and proud of myself for handling it actually very well. Exhausted today, we spent a lot of time together last night, even did stuff together we haven't done in a long time and stopped doing for some time like simply chatting about nothing in particular and what not. We completely unplugged from the computers last night except for him to remove what he needed to. We're going out to lunch today with our youngest and doing some shopping.
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew! Very good.
    I like the part about unplugging from the computers.
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sounds like you both have grown and learned a lot over the years. That is really great. It is probably a lot easier to blow up and indulge in all the drama, but it leaves everyone around it feeling yucky about it later. Kudos to you for staying calm and treating this like an adult. Kudos to him for coming clean and doing whatever you needed him to and offering/doing more. Years from now you will look back at this as a speedbump but not the enormous mountain that it could have spiralled into. Now he knows that if it happens again then he must say something earlier and you will listen to him and respond rationally.

    I am so happy for you! I have a husband who could get roped into this kind of thing. He once had this female who latched onto him in a chat room on spirituality. We couldn't be on the computer for thirty seconds with-o her wanting to chat. She tried to tell me that I was stifling him and her spirit guide told her that he was incredibly miserable and neglected in our marriage, so I had to go and let her help him raise my son and daughter because her spirit guide told her it was "destined in the stars". He was terribly embarrassed and didn't know how to make her leave. He asked for help and when reasonable didn't work I had some fun. I have a slightly twisted sense of humor. She started in on my dark energy and how it was so powerful that I had to remove it or risk permanently damaging husband and Wiz. I told her that if my energy went out to damage anyone it wouldn't be my guys - it would be some cyber tart who wants to tramp all over the internet anddestroy marriages. then I said that I was a powerfuldruid priestess, daughter of an even more powerful druid priest (orthodox, reformed of course) and I had been channeling my energy and guiding it to go and take careof her. That so far it was just a warm blanket around her, but if she didn't leave my men alone then that blanket would become dark and thick and would choke all the positive out of her life and sap the power and will from her spirit guide, sending it to guide her from Satan's Realm. I then said some nonsense in Latin (and y'all thought you couldn't have any fun with high school Latin, didn't ya?) and she started begging my forgiveness and promising not to contact us again, yada yada yada.

    I guess we are strange because the only thing that bugged me was that she kept interrupting, even doing something so the computer would ask if we were there (loudly) throughout the day. Every 30 seconds during dinner, and so on. Luckily husband is able to enjoy my sense of humor so he had some fun with the Druid priestess thing. (My parents sent me to Catholic school but the school kept sending forms home asking for our religion. NO ONE in the school up until that time had ever not been Catholic. My lovely (eyeroll here) father started filling out every one of thoe papers with "Druid, Orthodoc, reformed", I got MORE sessions with nuns and/or the priest about pagan practices in teh home and how it was a sin blah blah blah. They stopped when I told them that I had answered the questions already but if they wanted to keep asking them I would find the answers (up to then I said I was Cath and didn't have a clue about the others) and then come and give a demo to the class dressed however Druid priestesses dressed. THAT was supposed to get a detention, but I asked if that was because they were persecuting me because of my father's religious beliefs . They sure were glad when I changed schools a year later.
     
  16. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    That is hilarious susie, the druid bit because ironically. My beliefs are Druidry and Celtic Shamanism (NO I'm not offended at all by your story, I actually found it hilarious and amusing).

    Hubby is the same as yours, he gets roped into it. It's that non-confrontational personality of his. A blessing and a bane at the same time, he's the one that in the group of friends who is always bending over backward for people, who is always caring of people. Wants to make people laugh when they are feeling down or up, he cares about how people are doing and has strong friendships and relationships both with me and his family (including extended family). I mean this is a man who sold his beloved cerwin vega speakers for 600 bucks (worth 2000) to feed his kids and wife. The very speakers that he dreamed of having since he was 6 yrs old and his uncle had a pair. The very speakers that meant a lot of pride to him. He's sold his stuff to keep us a float, worked 24\7 to give to his kids and me anything and everything we needed, wanted or desired. Sacrificed his health at times and even mental health in the towing industry. He's busted his butt for family, friends and never complains, not once has he made a complaint with these sacrifices in life.

    He has given his everything to those he cares about. Hence the bane and curse part. People are drawn to him and his charismatic personality, his sense of sweet and gentle humor. He has "stage presence" whether he's goofing off or being serious. Total strangers have said he is an attractive personality without even knowing what he looks like or really who he is. He's always been able to make me laugh even if I didn't want to or felt like I couldn't.

    Yes, he now knows I won't rip into him if this would ever happen again and I wouldn't make it public. Last night he said that was what shocked him the most that it wasn't made public, that I didn't go off the deep end or rip into him. That I was calm and collected and that I didn't yell, scream, cry or worse. He wanted to ask for help, wanted to tell but just didn't know how to and desperately needed to. He has tells when he lies (I'm hearing impaired so I see the body language the micro expressions very easily. It's whether I chose to ignore them or not that makes it the hard part, especially when one is denying that it could happen if that makes sense). He stutters, he trails off and doesn't look at me directly but side glances when he lies or hides things or when he feels guilty. Last nights confrontation he did none of these things. I know he's telling the truth.

    I'm really happy that everything is settling back into place, I never intended it to break us and knew it would be something that we'd grow from and getter stronger because of.
     
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'm glad you were both able to handle this civilly and can move forward from this, hopefully stronger for it.
     
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