Court update

[Mattsmom277]

He was to appear today. I'd arranged with a lifelong friend to go with her (2 hours away) and spend the night at her parents house, they live in the same small town where court is.

Called investigator yesterday morning to get the appearance time only to be glad I called, it was remanded until January 5. I would not have known without that last minute call. This type of thing is becoming so frustrating. I have to track someone down for any info, no calls are made to victims with updates. I made the trip anyhow as to not disappoint friends parents. We had a lovely over night stay. Her parents are wonderful people. They treated us as a Christmas gift to a elegant dinner out. We arrived home before dinner and made a stop at a trading post and found great deals on unique gifts for kids and S/O.

On the maddening and upsetting side, his lawyer sought disclosure of all victims mental health records, doctor files and all therapy notes, from the time of offenses until now. None of us were told of this invasive request. It was granted and the court delay was to give he and his lawyer time to examine the records. I would not have known had I not called about a court time and even when told of the new date I was only told the issue of all of our records when I wanted specifics in why it was postponed. Investigator even cut call short and said she would call back, and I was only told the facts an hour later when she called back. I returned home today to a unknown number on my telephone call display. I googled the number and it was the crown attorneys office. No message. I had the impression there was more news investigator wasn't sure if she should share. I am guessing the break in our call was to find out from the crown attorney what to tell me or not tell me. I will have to call crowns office tomorrow. I imagine she called to tell me something, first time to get a call from that office.

I can't even get Into the why of my invaded feeling and sickening disgust at a prehistoric system that allows a defense a chance to attack the victims and invade our private lives in this type of way.

I'm trying to repeat to myself that I'm strong enough to handle anything they throw at me. It's kind of working. It's kind of not.

 

[buddy]

so glad you happened to call. the whole thing is crazy.

 

[klmno]

I take it then that any mental health treatment needed as a result of being perpetrated by a molester should/will be brought up in court for the prosecution's side? It darn well should be, even though I know it's painful- if the defense can use it, the prosecution can use it to show impact and degree of offenses.

I'm sorry you had to go thru this. They say this type of trial is about the hardest any can be on a victim. I'm glad you could spend some down time though, and have a lovely time with people you know are friends.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Buddy, it is indeed. I've become more detached in order to cope. I found questions I wanted to ask during call but I never did, having decided do I really want the answers? A human can cope with only so much and I'm working so hard to not make this all more difficult that I can handle. Information such as this thing about records can be enraging and it's a effort to not dwell or obsess. Sometimes it's a horrible feeling to not be kept in the loop. Yet some stuff you wish you could be oblivious to. It's a no win situation.
It feels so invasive even though it shows how desperate they are to try to find some pathetic defense to the numerous charges. There really is nothing useful that we are aware of in medical or therapy files (not just mine but also others). Really all emotional and mental health stuff trickles back to after effects of sexual abuse. It would harm him more than help him that most if not all have had intense therapy for the purposes of coping with the aftermath of his crimes. It's not so much a fear of him getting hands on something damaging. It's more just for me a invaded feeling as that man knowing my history Of the depth of damage he caused. I can't stand him knowing simple facts about me or my life let alone my most private fears or thoughts or scars I may have discussed in the past 20+ years of counselling.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Klmno, the visit was great. We left right after the calls and it was helpful. I don't like to burden others with the gloom of hard core venting, so it was left undiscussed and I just pasted a smile on initially. With such a dear friend it quickly was real instead of faking it till I made it. If that makes sense. It was a gift to spend 2 nearly full days with not only my friend but also her parents. They have always been all I could have wished for myself in a family. They are always warm, hug me tight and with joy to see each other, set my room up special with my favorite pillow (tradition for me to love that pillow!), they always go out to stock my favorite tea. They are detail oriented and it makes one feel cherished almost. It was just the salve to help me from spending the day upset or emotional. It may be the highlight of my holidays this year. While her father went to bed at 11pm, us three women were up until near to 4 am catching up, telling stories and laughing until our sides hurt. Instead making me hurt from envy at my friends blessing of such a traditional and close knit family it always feels like one is wrapped up into their folds for the entire family and are a part of their family yourself. They are he only place that has ever happened in my life. I cried a little saying goodbye. We can't visit the way we did when they lived her. Her father recently had a stroke and he is the glue of their family. It was iod to get to laugh with him again

 

[Hound dog]

MM

I know it's frustrating as holy hades for you because you know beyond a doubt that the man is guilty as sin. But another man in another situation perhaps wrong accused would maybe need that type of thing to help prove his innocence. I know it's really hard to think of it that way when you're wanting to get it over and done with.

The good thing, if the prosecutor is smart, is this could backfire like crazy in their faces. As in, if it makes no one back down........it shows how much damage his abuse did to the victims, makes him out to be even more of a real monster to the jury.

The thing with so many victims........it's going to be awfully hard for the jury to look at so many people and think they're all out to get the man. Know what I mean??

If he had a smart lawyer the guy would convince him to plead guilty and stop making it worse. But obviously he doesn't.

(((hugs)))

 

[DammitJanet]

MM...Im sorry you had to hear about this stuff right now. Im not surprised that it was bound over or at the actions that are happening. This type of case...abuse, rape..etc...are so horrible to go through. The type of junk you are talking about is the reason we settled my rape case. For some reason they wouldnt separate the trials of raping me and my friend. They tried the two guys together and it was one case of doing it to the two of us. Her parents threw a fit and basically forced the prosecutor into going for a plea. I was left out of it. At that time I dont know if I cared or not. Now I sorta do.

 

[Liahona]

I can understand you feelings of violation. Even if that information is necessary for what ever reason it would still feel violating. Having someone that evil to know details about you. I don't even want X to know what my other kids look like or their names or anything about them or me. I hope it is over soon and that monster is gone for good.