Court yesterday

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Oct 19, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    So we saw the judge yesterday. He complimented her and told her she looked a lot better than the last time he saw her. The state and probation officer reviewed the current situation and how she would be denied tanf because she is living with her parents. He rolled his eyes and said, "let me get this straight - if she was still not doing the right thing, the state would reward her and help her but since she is trying to pick herself up by the bootstraps, they won't do anything to help?". Yes, that about sums it up. The probation officer gave a glowing review of how difficult child is doing and told the court that she is thriving here at home. He agreed. They all acknowledged she has been clean for months now and there was no sense in rehab but they want difficult child to learn the tools she needs for when times get rough because she won't always have us. He told her that her willpower was exemplary, and that if every client was like her, he wouldn't have a job. :) When they brought up the battery case, he asked if it was the one with M, and the state said yes. He turned to difficult child and said, aww, too bad, you should have hit him harder. She was supposed to take a domestic violence course, but they took that off. They took difficult child off of house arrest and she is to do 24 weeks of outpatient treatment. Any dollar spent on that treatment goes dollar for dollar against her fine. He asked her what she wanted to do and she told him she wanted to get a job to help support her son and wanted to go to school so she could get a better job. He told her yes, go back to school!

    It was actually a good court day. :)

    After dinner we went to see easy child's best friend in a school play last night and stopped at CVS on our way home. As we were checking out, difficult child told us that she would meet us at the car in a minute. I grew suspicious and asked her why. She wouldn't tell me. I told her that she is not buying cigarettes, that she has not smoked all this time and besides smokers will not stay in my home. I cannot tolerate that smell. I looked at the cashier and asked her to please not sell difficult child any cigarettes and she promised she wouldn't. easy child and I went to the truck and sat there with our arms crossed waiting for her to come out. She came out with something behind her back. Turns out she wanted to buy me a rose. I felt so bad that I jumped to conclusions like that. She told me she wiould never smoke because of Connor. That she would feel awful. I chalk it up to PTSD from how she used to behave. It would take anyone a while to get over years of GFGness...

    She is finally getting over M and moving on. She called him a d bag and sperm donor the other day. She talked to the other girlfriend that is pregnant. She is having a boy as well. Interesting situation. difficult child said there is no point in bad blood between them because they both made the same mistake. She said that if M is the father of both, that makes the boys half brothers and about six months apart. She offered the baby clothes that no longer fit Connor to her. I found it odd but I am proud that she is so mature about the situation.

    She has been in touch with her old friends from rehab and other old friends that have either straightened out or are in rehab straightening out. She is encouraging everyone to be/get/stay clean. She is happy to be home and happy with her life now. :)

    husband asked what I wanted for my 40th birthday and I told him I have it. There is nothing else I could possibly ask for. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I want nothing more than what I have right here, right now.

    So that is the latest on this front...I am thinking about ALL of you and praying for you ALL....
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Tears in my eyes. This reminds of me of my daughter when she quit. Suddenly she started telling everyone about the evils of drugs and it was so good to see her in normal clothes and she also quit smoking cigarettes.

    Blessings on your family and good work, GREAT WORK to your precious daughter :) and gorgeous grandson!!!
     
  3. 92025

    92025 Member

    that is really encouraging! and it's nice that the judge recognized her from before to notice that she looked better. I would imagine a lot of the cases are just a file to them and hard to remember each person....
     
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I am so happy for your daughter!

    Is there any way to get sperm donor's parental rights terminated?
     
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Great update!
     
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG that makes me so happy. She is one of the miracles that we talk about in our meetings all the time. Looking back who would have ever thought. It just goes to show that we can never give up. I'm sure that your easy child makes it all worthwhile for that judge. They deal with people at their worst and to be able to see someone turn their life around helps remind them not to give up on people too.

    Thank you for sharing your easy child's progress and I agree you have everything you could want for your birthday.
     
  7. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Awesome!!
     
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wonderful job difficult child!! Keep up the great work!!!!
     
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    PG - glad things are going so well... and keep letting us know because yes it gives me hope. And right now I once again need hope!!

    TL
     
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    PG,
    I am so so happy for you, difficult child and your whole family.
    I am so glad that difficult child is thriving at home and the Connor appears to be all the inspiration/motivation that your difficult child needs to keep looking for a better life.

    My thoughts and prayers remain with you all,
    LMS
     
  11. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    So glad things are going so well!
     
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone!! I feel bad that things are going so well here and so many of you are still in the trenches. :(

    Yesterday was a test here. We had a bowling certificate that was about to expire - husband nor easy child wanted to go. So, I offered it to difficult child to go bowling with her friends while I babysat Connor. She has been talking to a boy that she dated for a short period of time in junior high so she went with him, his brother and his brother's pregnant girlfriend. She was so very excited but husband and I sat and held our breath.

    I told her to be home by 9 and she was home before 8:30. She had a wonderful time! Sober!! :D

    I know the boy, R. We are friends with his step dad and mom. R is actually a police officer in a neighboring county!! How funny is that?? He has a baby daughter that he never gets to see. He is not with the mother anymore and she is now dating a pretty bad character that difficult child remembers from her "gangster" days. R is currently fighting for at least shared custody of his daughter. They joke that after all these years of not talking now all they talk about is their children..lol.

    I am so happy difficult child experienced a fun night that didn't involve substances. She even posted a thank you note to all of them for a fun night out on Facebook. :)
     
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    PG... I was, like you, convinced your difficult child would never change... How absolutely awesome to see that she has! And now I want to go visit my own difficult child to tell her I love her. Maybe... Just maybe. :bigsmile:
     
  15. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I'm so happy for you, I hope that it continues!
     
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I seriously never believed this would happen. Of course I hoped she would feel this way after having Connor but part of me honestly believed it just wasn't going to happen. Part of me is still waiting for the shoe to drop, though. I wonder if that feeling ever truly goes away...

    How is she doing??? Where is she??
     
  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I am still chuckling that she went out with a police officer! Who would have EVER thought??? LMAO...
     
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    She's in jail, pled guilty, sentencing is next month. Her boyfriend was sentenced to 2 years at a local facility, I hope they don't send her there too.

    I don't know what else, haven't actually talked to her since she demanded pictures of Pat and Rose in August and then she found me here resulting in the board name change...
     
  19. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I really, really hope this stay in jail changes her...my difficult child talks all of the time about how much she learned that she took everything for granted. She appreciates anything and everything now...
     
  20. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Well, she is starting to feel the effects of wasting her life for a few years...she is desperately trying to find a job and has nothing to put on a resume and no work experience. Some of the applications online won't let you go on to submit an application if you don't have anything to put for experience. It was depressing. She realized it was going to be a lot harder than she thought it would be. She got her GED at 16. She is 20. How do you explain that gap in time??

    She saw her "regular" probation officer today. She was seeing someone else due to the regular being on maternity leave. The regular informed difficult child that she had to pay 50 per month in probation fees and 22 a week for drug testing. She owes back fees for the past month and a half and 7 drug tests! No one said anything about this before. I was already paying 50 a week for the house arrest. And now I find out that difficult child's outpatient will be 30 a week for the 24 weeks. So difficult child needs a job. She cannot get any aid and we are paying for all of this plus all expenses for our grandson. I cannot complain, though. I know that. It is worth it. We just need to find a way to cut costs..and pray that she finds a job real soon working nights...

    She is going on a second date with the police officer. They are going to the movies on Monday. This is the first time she has had someone take her on real dates. :)

    And last night she posted lyrics from a Seether song and it had to do with staying sober. Well, difficult child's friends got all concerned taking it to mean something. difficult child posted this and it made me smile:
    "For everyone who read my last post and think im thinking about using or im going through a rough time, I'm not. Life is good and my little mans my world now. I dont intend on doing anything to lose him. The song just came on and i posted the lyrics. Thank you all for your concerns though. That means a lot."

    She mentioned to me today how she realizes she now has clarity in her thinking and how cloudy her thinking was before...oh how often I tried telling her that!! I'm telling you - nothing WE say gets through...so frustrating. If she had only listened...
     
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