Creative writers?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Big Bad Kitty, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    So I live in a condo.

    The board has graciously furnished us with 2 shopping cars, so that when we come home with our groceries, we can pull up to the front, grab the cart, unload the food into it, park the car, then take the cart to the elevator and get our food to our unit in one trip.

    Well some people in this building think that the carts look better in their apartment than they do under the staircase, where everyone can access them. The carts are gone and I have not seem them in 2 weeks.

    I've called the president of the board, I've called the management company, there is really nothing that can be done, because nobody knows who has it, and they can't really enforce anything. They send out notices once a month to please put the carts back. Yeah, whatevah.

    So I was going to put up a note on the door leaving the building. Not a nasty note (that would guarantee never seeing the carts again) but something that might embarrass them. Something like this:


    To whomever kidnapped the carts:
    We have the ransom money collected. It is in small, non-sequential, unmarked bills as you requested. Please instruct us as to our next objective.

    Something short like that (you know this moron has the attention span of a box of hair) but enough to get the residents laughing and maybe this guy feeling like a chump. How would YOU word it?
     
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    LOST
    GROCERY CARTS
    HUGE REWARD UPON RETURN
    SEE PRESIDENT CONDO #?


    HAVE A HEART
    RETURN OUR CART

    OKAY YOU'VE HAD THE CART LONG ENOUGH
    -OUR TURN NOW


    CART OUTFITTED WITH GPS AND CAMERA
    -WE'RE WATCHING YOU -

    SEXY, AGING, ARTHRITIC WOMAN
    DESIRES RELATIONSHIP WITH
    SHINY, SILVER, GROCERY CART
    PLEASE RETURN SOON
    HARD TO MANAGE WITHOUT IT

    THOU SHALT NOT STEAL OUR CART

    JOB OPENING: CARRYING MY GROCERIES
    PAY: $100.00 A TRIP
    APPLY: ANY CONDO ?
    EMPLOYER: THE CONDO ASSOCIATION
    (collect check presidents condo #?)

    C - CARRY MY GROCERIES
    A - ALL BY MYSELF AS I AM A DISABLED PERSON
    R - REALLY NEED THE THING BACK
    T - TODAY


    Dear Condo Association,
    In place of the missing carts your tenants took a vote and we have approved the use of burrows, pack mules and donkeys to assist with grocery carry. These animals will be housed under the stairs in lieu of the carts which were taken and not replaced.
    Residents feel it will be your responsibility to dispose of the fertilizer movement to movement. Refusal to replace the carts left us to our own guise. Happy shoveling.

    GOD SAW WHAT YOU DID - RETURN THE CART!

    Report of the cart theft has been made to local pawn shops, police departments, and recyclers - anyone caught using our cart for purposes other than carrying groceries will be flogged, stoned, and hanged in a public display of brutality, then quartered after which their remains sent to each part of the property line of this condo as a warning to future thieves.

    ( you said creative) eesh - I'm not writing for Hallmark here.










     
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    LOL checking the pawn shops!

    I like the idea of placing the want ad.
     
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    http://laist.com/2007/12/17/found_in_la_gun.php

    Ummm, not very creative?

    I don't think you would have room for your Soda-Pop... or your Ding-Dongs... But the Carts might still be there? Oh wait I am going shopping, let me set my gun down while I grab some formula!??!!?:hammer:


    Let Star* be the Wordsmith.....
     
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Wordsmith - shoot - I fancied meself the fingersmith! , But I cant' be blamed for taking the cart. LOL

    Okay - had lunch and refueled.........

    WILL TRADE SEX
    FOR RETURN OF GROCERY CART

    (then hand them a gerbil when they come to the door)
     
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Star, you are too funny!

    BBK, you may want to look into getting one of those carts (I always called them bag-lady carts) You can pick one up for about $20. and they'll fold nicely into your closet.

    You may also want to check in the back of your building. They may not even be recovered at all. I would think they would provide a ton of fun for a couple of teens who want to go for a ride with some friends pushing it down a steep hill or even watching the wind whip them through a parking lot at 45 mph, just before it crashes into the vette that's taking up two spots at the back of a parking lot, somewhere. (seen that one happen all on it's own and I have to tell you.....it was funny! Though, I wouldn't have wanted to be the guy who walked out and saw the damage to his $40,000. car.)
     
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I do have one of those carts. (Craigslist, $5.00!)

    In this particular case, I am fighting more for the good of the entire building. There are many elderly people in the building, and it makes my blood boil to see them struggle with their bags when there OUGHT to be carts right there for them.

    Many of them have their own carts too, but they are flimsy and awkward. You have to drag them. These carts are plastic and sturdy and you can push them.

    I'm pretty sure that someone in the building shanghaied them, and I am even pretty sure I know who it is, but I don't know where the dork lives. He is on my floor. On the rare occasion that the cart leaves his premises, he parks it in front of the elevator instead of riding it down and putting it where it goes.

    The epitome of lazy.

    So anyone else? (Star, I knew YOU would have some good ones...)
     
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    post on freecycle.com in your area and ASK for a grocery cart

    and a gerbil.
     
  9. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Well, how about something to the effect that, after a specified grace period, the condo association will be purchasing new carts, after which the purchase price, plus a service charge, will appear on the quarterly assessments of those members keeping the carts in their apartments instead of returning them.

    Take the notice down after two weeks and let the guilty party sweat it out.

    It's all about getting them to think that someone knows who they are.

    If they still don't return them, you haven't really lost anything.

    So, that's my idea.

    :)

    Barbara
     
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Star, you are in serious need of a cyber spanking!!!
     
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Come here, Star, I won't let Loth cyber-spank you!!

    BBK, any way you can send Tink supervised door to door to "interview" about the cart until she either sees this dude or the cart in someone's condo? She would be perfect at it, and if she can figure out where it is, then you can give her a treat. And who could be mad at a doll like Tink??

    Susie

    My only lame offering is : don't be a Bart, return our CART!
     
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Star, you said, "(then hand them a gerbil when they come to the door)"

    You forgot the roll of duct tape!

    Seriously, I would add to the ransom note, "And you will never make them talk!"

    Is there a possibility that some nearby shopping complex has collected them? We have trolley tractors that go round the area and collect stray trolleys (what we call shopping carts) and hand them over to various stores. They're not too fussy about making sure that the supermarket gets only supermarket trolleys, the fruit & veg place gets only the fruit & veg trolleys etc. They just go by numbers.

    mother in law has gone one of those grandma trolleys, those little things that trundle along behind you and which tucks up neatly behind her door. When we go shopping the whole trolley lifts into the boot of my car, and when I drop her off I lift it out and she just wheels everything in to her place.

    I like the idea of handling it with humour - why not use ALL the ideas, sequentially? Put up a photo with "have you seen this shopping cart? Last seen on [x date] loitering under the stair well, may have got into bad company and need rescuing. Grave fears are held for the safety of the shopping carts, fears of kidnap are being considered and ransom money being collected. We would pay the ransom, but we need a shopping cart to carry the ransom in."

    Marg
     
  13. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    I do not live in a condo or apartment building, but Melissa's friend does. Her friend said she NEVER reads notices placed on the door of her apartment, so I can't imagine a notice placed on a general door (or even individual doors) being read by everyone. I like one of Star's notices (below). It's plain and simple. I'd make it VERY LARGE and post it at places where the cart would be picked up and returned...and where people park and come into the building.

    HAVE A HEART
    RETURN OUR CART

    It's simple. It will be read 'cuz it's short. It's not accusing. It makes its point in a nice way, I think. And it's a positive message and calls the person to action.....RETURN OUR CART.

    Good luck,
    sue
     
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Oh LOooooothhhhhh.....

    If I need a cyber spanking ( thanks Susie for the respite) then MARG needs to be flogged!!!!!

    OMG - I spit pizza out of my mouth - thank God someone brought a dog to work.

    -see??? In true difficult child fashion - IIIIIIII am NOTTTTT the worst one here! :tongue:

    oh and Marg dear - you are soooo right. (snort)
     
  15. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Gosh...I needed good laugh today.

    We have the same problem with our DJ carts. I'll unload, then stash the cart in some casino hallway that is only used by employees. Then, the end of the night comes and I'm REALLLY ready to go home...no cart. Spend the next 30 minutes tracking down the cart and they say, "Oh, didn't know it was yours." Keep in mind it has our business name ALL OVER IT!!!:faint: I think we've lost 4 so far this year.

    Abbey
     
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Abbey,

    Get a pit bull - and put him in the cart - push it right out in the middle of nowhere - and I promise when you go to get your cart your precious baby AND your cart will both be WHEREVER you left them.

    I did that with my car at the station one night. I left both in the car, left it running, with the lights on, and the windows cracked, doors unlocked - and went in for a soda. When I came out a smart type cop was standing at the door and said "Excuse me maam - that your ride?" and I said "Uh...me? Oh yes sir." and then I got the "LECTURE" on leaving my car running - etc. and I listened patiently for him to stop and then I said - "Officer thank you so much for the information but I promise I'm not being 'dumb'." and he said "Well maam leaving it running is not good - not smart either ." and with that little insult I said 'Could you open my door for me please" and he walked over to the car and got withing 15 feet and was met at the windows with teeth -and smiles = all mine. And I said in a very drawn out southern voice - Sum of us women jus' ain't as dumb as ya'll believe we are." He got a chuckle out of it - and then said "Yes maa'm I belive you are right." I gave the command to back up, sit down and stay and got in my car and did that little "by yall" twinkle finger wave.

    As if.

    So get a big dog = and if that does not work - I recommned putting a note on the cart like you taped it in a hurry that says

    This cart is used to transport the AIDS patients toxic waste bags to the dumpsters and hauls customers baggage with the Avian Flu. p.s. - I went potty and forgot to wash my hands before I pushed this cart out. :surprise:
     
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The dog thing wouldn't work in Australia. It gets too hot here, too fast, to leave any living thing in the car for more than a minute, even with the window cracked open.

    Mind you, a farmer with a dog on the ute tray, now that's an entirely different thing... no stranger is going to touch that farmer's truck, not with the dog tethered to the back of the cabin with free roam of the tray.

    Mind you, you did your doggy thing at night, didn't you? That would work here...

    But the main aim is to have the cart freely available to everybody. You gotta be careful when you try to push for exclusive use. It's like the bloke in the pub who was fed up with people always drinking his beer when he had to duck into the rest room. So next time he had to 'go' and leave his beer unattended, he stuck on a note that said, "I spat in this beer".
    He came back to see a footnote - "so did I."
    Maybe what we need is to train a sniffer beagle, the kid that Customs officers have to check out for various illicit substances in airport luggage. Train it to sniff out the trolleys.

    Marg
     
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    BBK, staples has these crates on wheels that roll quite well. I got one for a gift a few years ago (still not sure why, but the kids like to ride in it). NOT powered, or as big as a shopping cart. More like a milk crate on wheels, but the wheels are pretty good.

    You might want to look at them if the cart ransom is not successful.
     
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I'm cracking up right now. I'm going to make some stickers now. Don't think I could get away with the dog thing unless I pretended to be blind. Wait a minute...I can't see two feet in front of my face as it is! I think I'm on to something... (insert evil laughter):laugh:


    Abbey
     
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

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