Hi,
First time here and would value some input and suggestions.
My 80yr old mother has recently moved in with my 35yr old daughter and her family. Doctors said she couldn't live on her own and needed 24hr a day care and is suffering from mild memory loss. Not enough money to hire a nurse, I work full time and live in a tri-level (she can't do stairs) and my Mom can be very needy with me when she isn't like that with anyone else. My daughter does not work and has a bedroom on their main floor with a bathroom across the hall. Her and my son-in-law said they would move her in with them. This was at the beginning of July.
My daughter has scheduled and taken my mom to doctors appointments, attorneys appointments to change her power of attorney and such without letting anyone know these appointments were scheduled. I asked her why she's not sharing that information and she says "If Grandma wanted you to know she'd tell you". I let it slide and just talked to mom who says she thought she told me.
Moms birthday is coming up and I wanted to make an appointment for her to get fitted for a wig as a surprise. Sent me daughter a message asking if there were any upcoming appointments. She said, no. I sent her a message and said I was making an appointment for Grandma and would let her know when since it wouldn't conflict with anything. She asked where I was taking her and why I was taking her, this rubbed me the wrong way and I responded with "a surprise for her birthday". She came back with "BS, if that's what it was you'd tell me, you're doing something else and I want to know what. I responded with "like you tell me when she has appointments?" Then it hit the fan.
She responded by telling me "I don't have to share with you. You opted out of caring for your mother, you made the choice. It's not my job to inform you of what's going when you didn't want the responsibility in the first place. She's in my care now and it's my responsibility to take care of her, so no you don't get to swoop in with your plans because it's not about you. It's not my place nor my job to tell you anything. I don't respect you and am tired of you playing the victim all the time"
I am absolutely crushed. We discussed the move as a family before anything took place and all was good. Now I'm the bad guy and have been frozen out and belittled by my own daughter
First time here and would value some input and suggestions.
My 80yr old mother has recently moved in with my 35yr old daughter and her family. Doctors said she couldn't live on her own and needed 24hr a day care and is suffering from mild memory loss. Not enough money to hire a nurse, I work full time and live in a tri-level (she can't do stairs) and my Mom can be very needy with me when she isn't like that with anyone else. My daughter does not work and has a bedroom on their main floor with a bathroom across the hall. Her and my son-in-law said they would move her in with them. This was at the beginning of July.
My daughter has scheduled and taken my mom to doctors appointments, attorneys appointments to change her power of attorney and such without letting anyone know these appointments were scheduled. I asked her why she's not sharing that information and she says "If Grandma wanted you to know she'd tell you". I let it slide and just talked to mom who says she thought she told me.
Moms birthday is coming up and I wanted to make an appointment for her to get fitted for a wig as a surprise. Sent me daughter a message asking if there were any upcoming appointments. She said, no. I sent her a message and said I was making an appointment for Grandma and would let her know when since it wouldn't conflict with anything. She asked where I was taking her and why I was taking her, this rubbed me the wrong way and I responded with "a surprise for her birthday". She came back with "BS, if that's what it was you'd tell me, you're doing something else and I want to know what. I responded with "like you tell me when she has appointments?" Then it hit the fan.
She responded by telling me "I don't have to share with you. You opted out of caring for your mother, you made the choice. It's not my job to inform you of what's going when you didn't want the responsibility in the first place. She's in my care now and it's my responsibility to take care of her, so no you don't get to swoop in with your plans because it's not about you. It's not my place nor my job to tell you anything. I don't respect you and am tired of you playing the victim all the time"
I am absolutely crushed. We discussed the move as a family before anything took place and all was good. Now I'm the bad guy and have been frozen out and belittled by my own daughter