Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Jan 31, 2008.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I just don't know where else to turn. I am feeling just overwhelmed and underequipped to deal.

    son's school has been calling a lot lately. He can't/won't focus. He just keeps going into his daydreaming, checks out, whatever. He keeps forgetting his homework (and coats too but that's another story). It stresses me so much. I hate getting calls at work, it's stressful enough there too. They invited me to a meeting on Friday with the third grade team, 504 specialist and the principal to brainstorm to come up with some goals and objectives to help. I suppose I'm grateful and would like to think I have a team of helpers. I just hope it isn't advesarial. I feel like I'm doing the best I can. We get home from daycare and work and pound pound pound to get the homework done and it's just too much. Maybe we need a limited homework objective? I'm bringing a friend who happens to be an advocate with me.

    I am very much aware that i have tons for which to be grateful in my life. And truly I am. I try so hard to maintain happiness and serenity despite outward tidal waves. But sometimes they do wipe me out.

    Thanks for "listening"

  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{ML}}} I'm sorry you're feeling so down. It's good to be thankful for all the blessings in your life, but it's equally important to be gentle on yourself when you're no feeling up to par. You're right, there are a lot of outside sources drawing on your energy.

    Bringing an advocate with you is a wonderful support. Another set of eyes. Hopefully, you two will sit together before the meeting to discuss ideas and put together a list of questions to ask and ideas to explore.

    My 18dd had limitations and certain protcols put into place in regards to her homework assignments. Also, I was able to gain access to an online website where I could track her HW assignments & long term projects. It was very helpful. Her teachers worked with me to keep her on track. Often she would receive her weekly assignments on Monday, rather than day by day. That helped a lot also.

    When you can, try to schedule a little 'down time' just for you to recharge your batteries. This is very important when you're the number one caregiver. A little TLC goes a long way. Hugs~
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am glad you are taking an advocate/friend. At difficult child's IEP meetings sometimes it is overwhelming. The team is very helpful, and not me vs them at all. Is your son on any medications? If not, should he be? I hope all goes well.
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I used to dread the phone ringing, I could guess what was coming.....It's difficult to have a difficult child and not get depressed at times. You have to know when the depression reaches a stage where it overcomes you and you can't move forward......get help to deal with it.......heck even if you can still deal with everyday life it helps to have someone to talk to. I always tried to tough it out and may have made it worse than things really nothing wrong with getting help, therapy, medication whatever.....

    Having an advocate is great when facing the school. They have been thru this before so will try to lead you thru, but their idea is usually to do only what they deem absolutely necessary.....also depends on the teacher.......good luck with the meeting. I don't envy you the homework battles, remember my own, but try to make that the schools problem, not yours.....if they want homework let them suggest how it should get done...... You are a parent, not their teacher, otherwise you should be on the school's payroll..........

    Hope you find some relief from the depression you feel, thinking of you..........
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I am so sorry about the stress you are experiencing. I agree with the others about taking an advocate with you. I would do it at all times, even if you have to reschedule an appointment to do so. Also, it is wonderful that your husband is supportive. Would a tutor be a possibility for your family? What about a high school student to keep the costs down? There were times our difficult child had a high school tutor once a week and then a professional tutor prior to tests. We still had to help her with homework, but were able to cut back a little. It was not overly expensive...actually well worth the money...when you factor in the extreme aggravation/stress.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi darlin,

    What have you done for YOU lately?

    YOU need to take care of YOU. Because of YOU aren't taking care of YOU, YOU will not be able to properly take care of HIM.

    That does not just mean the basics. Do something nice for yourself. A pedicure, fresh flowers, lunch with a good friend. Something that has no ulterior motive other than to make you feel good.

    There. Doesn't that feel better?
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Has difficult child ever been checked for seizures by a neurologist? Absence seizure can display with these types of symptoms. Often it's mistaken for daydreaming ect. Travis had these types of seizures for years before we figured out what was going on. And we only did because my neighbor's husband has them and she was telling me what happened to him at work one day. I was like OMG that's what Travis does! Took him in to be tested, and sure enough, it was absence seizures.

    Taking time for yourself is vital, even if it's only a few minutes at a time. Have you considered talking with a therapist for you too? Sometimes having someone outside the situation to completely unload on can do wonders.

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Call the teacher today - and ask her if she will write out a little or large list of the behaviors that your son has that are disrupting the class.

    Start with the list.

    Then post the list here or in the Education Forum and get some expert advice for what you should go into that 504 meeting with. Personally I think an IEP would be better.

    If you have help from us here - then you can walk into that meeting, cut through all the adversarial bs, and say I have suggestions from my parental parent support group. My sons teacher even put a desk in the room with a puzzle on it she bought just for him so it was a small goal to motivate him to behave. It really worked well 2nd and 3rd grade.

    This is a start to eliminate ONE stressful thing in your life.

    As far as him forgetting his coat? That's on him, but check out your local salvation army and get him a couple coats. One to leave at school, one to leave at home, one to leave in the car. I had bunches of coats - eventually they find one they like and hang on to it. it's a kid thing - LETITGOOOO. Schools seem to HATE to deal with that one - tell them too LETITGOOOO. Bigger things to worry about not?

    As far as him being confrontational? Yes....ah. Me too, and I had forgotten just how much fun it was to live with a difficult child until Monday. So -

    Take a ride , lock yourself in your room, find some headphones and tune out. I KNOW you want on occasion to DRIVE your point home thinking it would make a difference but even at 17 I have to admit I am better off to just walk away. I will come back to issues "LATER" but not at the HOT moment. I say things that I don't mean or if I had given myself 10 minutes to an hour - or said "You know what? I dont' like this behavior - and I need to think about this." even at 17 that "i need to think about this" freaks difficult child out. It's the unknown that gets 'em.

    And like BBK said DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.

    I have a trip to the zoo planned Saturday - I love to take pictures and this has been a stressy week with difficult child in jail, the group home thing - and I said WE ARE GOING - and no one said a word other than - yeah, yes, okay that sounds good Mom.

    Hugs -
    get that list

    On to the other things -
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I was wondering about Absence seizures also. Jessie has them, and we would never have found out if I hadn't pushed for some neurological testing before medication for ADHD. Apparently EEGs used to be standard before prescribing medications for ADHD. I remember a friend's little bro having them. He would keep the sticky things and then run all over the neighborhood with them on his head. (He was my 1st ADD experience, and OMG WAY hyper).

    Anyway, when you can, a call to a pediatric neurologist for this might be a good thing. NO ONE, even the neuro, expected to see anything with Jessie. And what they saw surprised us all, esp at the number of seizures she was having.

    Please do something just for you. And remember, it is NOT a bad thing to ask your doctor to help you with depression. I have been on prozac for many years, and for me it is a very good thing. Many parents of difficult children are so worn out, worn down, and just plain flat out used up, that if we were not depressed, well, we would be NUTS!

    Hope that came out properly. Take care of yourself first. If Momma ain't well, nobody is well.


  10. ML

    ML Guest

    Thank you everyone. You helped me to resupply the well. I will write again tomorrow with an update.

    He's not really disrputing the class too badly. The seizure possiblity has me interested. I have a pediatrician appointment coming up and I will talk with him about it. It would sure be nice to have some answers.

    He is currently on Celexa which has helped his anxiety quite a bit. His previous diagnosis was Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social anxiety, separation anxiety and ADHD. But I believe there's spectrum there as well. I'm stuck on not knowing how much of things are due to "not able to" vs "not wanting to". I'm told that I need to have stronger consequences for things but I don't think he's checking out on purpose, or at least not consciously, you know?

    I am taking Celexa and it helps a lot. At least I just have days now, instead of months.

    I like the idea of doing something nice. I just organized a luncheon with a local group of moms that used to meet regularly.

    Also, when I lose 6 pounds I have promised myself a massage.

    Thanks gals. I will write more tomorrow. xoxo
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a miracle worker. If you could fix it all, I would pay you a million dollars to fix all my stuff, too! :D

    Lighten up on your expectations of yourself. Seriously, one human can only do so much. We do our best, but not to our own detriment.