I'm not sure if I'm wavering or what here and would like your input. Since I let Katie have it over her last whine pity me session, we've had some major hashing out over the past 2 days. I still plan to do even more face to face hashing out as soon as I have a spare moment to wisk her away from the apartment. Katie still isn't being completely honest. I know it without doubt, she knows I know it. I believe it's a trust issue. But she did come clean on some things she'd always just deny before. She also asked for help, not come bring me food type help, but could you please show me how to make my money last, how to make food cheap and stretch it, and how to coupon? She admits to spending money when she shouldn't have, tried to put some back and hold on to it, but it's gone too. No this is not some miraculous turn around by any means. I'm not even sure if it's a teeny weeny smidgen of "oh she might be realizing there is a problem". But somewhere deep down she wants to do better. It's just does she have the gumption, the will, the ambition to do better? That, I dunno. Sure hasn't looked like it. We know she's incredibly immature, in many ways kayla has already passed her. The girl has NO self esteem, no sense of self worth, no faith in herself, nothing. She's got that victim mentality going full tilt.....although I "might" have gotten her to view it from a different perspective over the past 2 days. I know that M is abusive. I don't need to see bruises ect to prove it to me. I have a lifetime of experience dealing with his type and the abuse they dish out. I strongly suspect at the very least she's using OTC drugs as a means to escape, probably more than that, but since she is is terrified of jail, maybe not. I was not nice in what I had to say to her. I was open and blunt and laid it on the line. I didn't expect a response because I flat out told her none of us are going to help her until we see her actively taking steps to help herself. I figured she'd see the gig was up and that would be that. Instead......she reached out a teeny weeny bit, ever so barely. Even so, she has a long way to go on the opening up and being honest thing. But still she hung in there with me to hash it out to a middle ground so to speak. But we will still have a long talk in person as well. I'll try to help her stretch whatever money she has and teach her what she should have learned forever ago. She learns or not, that part is up to her. It will have to wait though until easy child is in her boot because at the moment I don't have the time to spare. So. That is that part of it. I'm not expecting much of anything to come of that part really. What she needs is a therapist and probably a psychiatrist, not just me trying to help, but I doubt I'll ever get her to agree to that. So I'm not like all excited or anything. A bit surprised, that's about it. Now for whatever reason, my grandkids are going hungry. It's not THEIR fault their going without. According to katie M has been trying the food bank since last week hoping they'll have food for him to bring home with no success. Well, that doesn't surprise me at all. They've been bare bone since before katie and M even came to town, begging for donations that they aren't getting because to large a part of the population is in exactly the same boat. Those that are working and doing ok are helping family who are out of work and may or may not be getting unemployment. I'm picking up kayla tomorrow before I go to easy child's so she can spend the afternoon with us and visit. I'm sure I'll get an ear full while she's here and more truths will come to light. But I keep staring at my pantry which is full. The shelves in my laundry room, which are full. And it's making me feel like the backside of one of Star's donkey friends. I can share some of my stock pile without it hurting me much. I mean, seriously, I have more than 20 boxes of pasta alone sitting on those shelves. While I can't feed them for a month by a long shot, my conscience won't let me dwindle down the stock pile that far if I tried, I can give them some until maybe the pantry has some to give away. Then bff pops into mind. And the whole detachment question thing is going again. If I give them food because they blew all the money to buy their own or did/did not do things to keep their income coming in......what did they learn? Nothing. Someone will rescue them. Ok. So that would be easy if it were just katie and M. But those kids didn't spend the money and they sure as hades didn't ask for two overgrown children with major difficult child issues to be their parents. Then I think. Kayla and her brothers, well kayla for sure, knows that 1. I have food (I always have food even if it's odd things to her) 2. I know their going hungry 3. I'm not helping her or her brothers knowing their going hungry. And well gee. What sort of Nana does that make me anyway? What am I teaching her about family and about helping others? Because while there is this idiotic Mom part of me that has as yet to totally give up on katie for some illogical reason, kayla is truly the one I'm trying to help here while I have the chance. Alex just doesn't function at that high a level right now and Evan is still too little to understand. So. Yeah. That's where I'm at folks. I'm standing right on the line. And some of you think I've got this detachment thing down soooo good, yeah right. phht. Katie has not asked. She's not even asked for a ride to the food pantry. I've not offered. If she had asked, I'd probably have balked and wouldn't be having this debate with myself that has already given me 2 sleepless nights. And before someone says that would be grounds for cps to pick them up.......well, if it is then about 1/3 the counties kids would join them. Not gonna happen, not around here anyway. Not at this point in time. I won't even consider it until spending the day with kayla tomorrow.....I'm sure she'll let things slip, just as she did at the baby shower. Someday Nana is going to have to teach her to stop talking a mile a minute without thinking about what's coming out of her mouth first, after the situation with her difficult child parents is resolved. While we're on the subject, I got school supplies at staples last week for a steal. They're doing it again next week. Walgreens has bookbags for 3.99, which I can get free with my reward bucks. I got most of them mainly because it didn't cost me anything and well you can always find uses for it. The kids have nothing for school which starts in 4 wks. If she can't feed them I don't see her providing school supplies. However she IS keeping her rent paid, so I guess that is one step in the right direction. School "might" help them some with this, then again they might not as there are a LOT of kids in the same situation and the numbers are going up not down. I finally have kayla and Alex both looking at school as a positive for the first time. Kayla is determined to make straight A's from here on out and is cautiously asking about college. So I did tell easy child tonight I think I'm going to help some with the school supplies as long as I can continue to keep the cost to next to nothing. You can't learn if you don't have the supplies to make learning possible. And this one I really don't care if it's enabling or not. Because I once was that kid who never ever had what I needed for school and I remember all too well how hard that was. And I want them to have a chance to succeed. So I'm ok with that. I've thought it through inside and out and I can handle it. They'll have the very basics, but they'll have something to work with. That is directly a gift to them, as I know katie and M would just rely on the school to pick up the slack and not get them anything anyway like they've done all along. Food, on the other hand, katie and M will benefit from as well, so is not quite the same thing. Know what I mean?? So? What do you think? Grandkids really muck the waters up when it comes to detachment in a huge way. So how do I clear out the muck and still manage to live with myself??