difficult child and girlfriend broke up

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SuZir, Jun 23, 2013.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    We have midsummer festives this weekend. difficult child and his girlfriend were supposed to spend a holiday at some of their friend's cottage. They have had rough time some time now and I was little worried how they would get over Midsummer (tends to be rowdy and wet party.) They didn't.

    difficult child called yesterday if I could transfer some money from his bank account he doesn't have access to the account he does for a train ticket home and if someone could pick him up from station. Didn't have account keys with me to do that, but was able to buy him a ticket with my phone and send that to his phone so home he came after walking 15 miles from that summer cottage to get to the train station (he had given away his leased car just before and had anyway drank and couldn't have driven.)

    When here he told he and girlfriend are finished and there is no point trying to keep up long distance relationship. Apparently they had had a fight during the festives. He does also have a black eye but didn't tell how he got that. His former coach whose son was also at that cottage told me that girlfriend had punched difficult child and apparently no one else was hurt and there was not any bigger fight. And no cops called, so that is a relief.

    To be honest I don't care what went wrong, who cheat who and who did what. Even if you forget they are very young and first serious relationships don't usually last, they had so many issues they simply didn't have a chance to make it. And I wasn't even too fond of this girl. Still it of course hurts difficult child and timing kind of stinks. But to be honest difficult child seems to be hurting more to his pride than heart so I think he will be okay.

    We were moving them out from their apartment next weekend anyway. difficult child is leaving that city, ex-girlfriend is staying. difficult child is angry and sullen so we will see how things go. He will be staying home till late July and we are not yet totally sure where then. He does have a favourite option among his back ups but we are still waiting to hear from one other more lucrative option.

    Anyway it will be a totally new beginning for him.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2015
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Perhaps time at home will be really beneficial. I recall how much he enjoyed working side by side with his Dad and Grandad over the holidays. Any chance you all could go get his things out of the apartment when it is empty and there is less chance of drama? Fingers crossed that his next location brings success, happiness and peace. Hugs DDD

    PS: Just in case you haven't been there done that...make sure not to say anything negative about girlfriend. We did that and once they reunited she made sure we were no longer major players in his life.
     
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reminder. Will make sure about that. In fact I have already had to think how much I will allow him to bash his girlfriend for me. I know he is hurting and his off hand comments about girlfriend this or that have been quite easy to ignore, but I really don't want even him bashing his ex-girlfriend. Not a good habit for future purposes. After all, there may be a day in future when he is breaking up with someone he has more in common than having to decide who gets a custody of the dog.

    Unfortunately with the flat we are little short of time so it may be we have to move him same time she moves out. And anyway they have to decide some practicalities together. They have to split furniture and decide what to do with rest etc. difficult child has a few old quality furniture we or his grands gave him from our attics and he does have a good bed, but other than that, their furniture is lower quality second hand or Ikea. Gas is expensive and we have told difficult child we will only make one trip with van and a wagon. What can't be fitted to those, he has to get rid off. So that is something they have to settle between the two.

    And I do believe that it will be different situation when both I and husband and girlfriend's parents are there to help with move. Much less likely to get volatile than in drunk party with friends.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2015
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    On the other end of the present spectrum it is a new beginning for your difficult child on all levels and once July comes around, he may have been able to leave this all behind him and really start fresh. It sounds hopeful to me, even though in the moment he has a wounded heart.
     
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm on your side......always, lol. DDD
     
  6. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    I think maybe after so long of viewing our kids or family members as difficult child and everything they do is so screwed up we start to view everything that way.

    He's a young man who's relationship imploded, sounds like he made a lot of right choices in this whole deal. He didn't drive, called mom and dad when things got out of control, hasn't tried to force the situation with a confrontation and is moving in a timely manner. Didn't go to jail probably didn't hit back.

    Maybe this is just my opinion but I'd call that a win.
     
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Dixie has some very good points.
     
  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Dixie, you are right. Considering circumstances difficult child did well with the whole thing. Hitting back has been something I have been worried about and am very happy he never did, not this time or before. Ex-girlfriend has been violent before, but when her being violent can easily be considered feisty or sassy by outsiders, difficult child hitting back would had been considered serious abuse. difficult child is about feet taller and weighs almost a double to his ex.

    Now that he has shared a bit more about what went on during their weekend, I'm proud of him just walking away after things with girlfriend turned to that point. It's very good his responsibilities to his old team have all been done and he will have couple weeks home taking a breather and regrouping before he heads to next destination. He has a terribly difficult and taxing year full of huge disappointments and stinging 'learning experiences' but he has been very brave and muddled through. He would certainly deserve few light and carefree weeks at home and I have to keep that in mind and try to be patient when he starts to annoy me to no end (which he will, it is his special talent.)
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2015
  9. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I have an inkling that their relationship has been quite sour some time now, because difficult child seems almost kind of relieved at times. And they seem to be surprisingly mature about practicalities. Or at least there is no yelling on the phone or refusing to communicate, of course I haven't seen the texts and they may be however nasty, but they seem to be getting into agreements. girlfriend keeps a dog but difficult child remains other official owner and may even get 'visitations.' (Okay, that is something they will end up fighting most likely, but maybe it teaches them lesson or two.) difficult child takes some furniture and stuff and girlfriend wants few. They are calling around if friends or friends of the friends would want something from the rest, if not they found out how they can donate them to local red cross second hand shop.

    Other than that difficult child is moody, sullen and angry except when he forgets to be that and gets excited about something. So better than expected and he will live through this first major romantic break up.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2015
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