Difficult Child Called The Police On Us

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Apr 3, 2015.

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  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I can't even begin to tell you how discouraged I'm feeling right now. Difficult Child has this epic meltdown yesterday because it was taking soooooo long to get Easy Child's basketball net assembled. Cursing, screaming, the whole nine yards. And there was no reason for it. His dad and I told him if he didn't want to help anymore (this was about 5:00 pm, and he had been voluntarily helping all day. We didn't make him do it) to just go in the house, but no, Difficult Child just couldn't leave quietly. His dad finally lost it and went after him and Difficult Child took a swing at him. I got in between them and told Difficult Child to get into his room and stay there. He goes, but not before locking and barricading all of the doors to the house. Good thing my husband had a key in his pocket!!

    About an hour later we had (finally) gotten the bulk of the net assembly finished, and I went inside to order pizza. During that hour no one tried to talk to Difficult Child at all. We figured that we should just let him cool off. I went outside to help my husband with some small stuff, and suddenly there is Difficult Child out on the porch, screaming at the top of his lungs at us. Then he went back inside, announcing he was calling the police because he wants new parents.

    They actually showed up!! The responding officer spoke to my husband, to me, and to Difficult Child, and basically told Difficult Child that this whole matter was his fault. Not that is really did any good, because as soon as the officer was gone Difficult Child was pissed off about me ordering pizza, and demanding that I take him somewhere else to get something to eat because he wasn't going to eat pizza. I told him, "After the way you behaved today you want me to do special favors for you? Think again!" His response? "So you're going to pull that card on me?" I left him home with his dad and Easy Child and I picked up pizza. When I got back Difficult Child asked if he could just have the hot wings, and honestly, but that point, I didn't care what he did, as long as he ate his dinner peacefully, and got out of my face.

    I'm so tired. We are all so sick of the behaviors and the meltdowns and the nonsense that goes with this kid!! If he walked out the door tomorrow I don't think I would miss him.

    And this was only the first day of spring break. I've got six more days ahead of me,mint including the weekend!! No wonder I'm feeling so discouraged.
     
  2. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Look at the bright side he helped you voluntarily all day. I always say better look at the bright side it keeps the stress at manageable levels. That got me trough some hard times.
     
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I know that I should hold on to that part of the day, but I find that the bad generally outweighs the good because when the bad parts come, they're usually REALLY bad.

    I'm trying to be happy mama this morning, but it's a struggle. Easy Child and I have a lot of errands to run today, so we will in and out for a good chunk of the day.
     
  4. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Another positive thing about this is that your husband is apparently starting to truly realize what's going on. Granted, not the healthiest reaction but I can't say that no screaming matches have ever happened between my son and I.
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs Bunny! I hate days with major eruptions. I am glad the police understood what was really going on. I really hope today is a better day. I understand about not being thrilled about the rest of the break. We used to feel the same way (still do but in a different way-now he just drives us crazy but not in the same way).
     
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Choose happiness for your self. It really &!$$#$ them off.;)
     
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Oh, Bunny. Epic melt down. At least you got a good cop - Difficult Child won't be so quick to call next time.

    The melt-down wouldn't be quite as severe in our house, but the cause would be the same. husband... will NOT stop, ever, until what is being worked on is done. So, the kids pick up on that. And I end up with 3 (or sometimes me included making 4) people tired, frustrated, and hungry all at the same time. If the kids were helping, I learned NOT to help - my job was to force breaks every 1-2 hours. Drinks. Snacks. Treats. Chocolate. Fresh home-made cookies. Anything to force breaks. I found it kept husband more sane, if nothing else, and after the first couple of times I did this, even husband was receptive to it, because things did NOT take longer due to the breaks.

    The ODD diagnosis is SO hard to work with, because... it tells you nothing, really. It just validates what you as a parent are seeing and saying - that this really is a difficult child.
     
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    And this morning he's all butt hurt because I don't want to be his best friend today. He's basically hiding in his room. Easy Child and I ran our errands. The tutor had to cancel because she's not feeling well, which changed the schedule a bit. Easy Child has a hockey game at 5, so we're out of here about 4:20 and my in-laws will be bringing Difficult Child to bowling for me, and then I will meet them there.

    Husband is supposed to take off on Monday and then Easy Child is going to sports camp next week. I just want to get through the rest of the break without further police intervention.
     
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Bunny our difficult child never understands why we would not be over something just because he was. He can change his moods in a second. One second he is telling me he hates me and saying all sorts of rude things and the next he wants me to play a game!
     
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT never could understand why I was still upset when she was over it. Used to drive me crazy. Hope the rest of the week goes smoothly.
     
  11. pajamas

    pajamas Member

    And neither CeCe nor husband understand why I'm still mad about her stealing my work phone last week and her absolute refusal to even apologize for the hours and hours of hassle it caused for me and a technician when she couldn't remember the password she set on it.

    Speaking of work - as you see on my tag line, I recommend it. Even part-time gives you a chance to talk to adults and think about something unrelated to home stress. I'm blessed to have landed in a field that gives me a lot of flexibility and sympathetic management. So long as I perform - but success is based on outcomes, not work hours. YMMV

    May I kindly offer a caution? Your Difficult Child & Easy Child sound a lot like my Huck & Tink (although it was CeCe who usually called the police). Huck's outbursts and ODD behavior have evolved to be more like potential manic episodes, so something to be watchful for (and my husband responds like yours, so it can get scary). I, too, take solace in my little one who has her act together and is a good friend to me. I have to remember that Huck is still a hurting kid inside, and try to find ways to comfort and befriend him and make sure I recognize his strengths (when they are showing even a little), take him with me shopping or whatever and not always leaning toward Tink for companionship. Otherwise that natural favoritism feeds the competition between the kids, hurts their feelings of self-worth, and can lead to more anger and power struggles. (NOT that I've mastered that, just that I've recognized it!)

    hang in there ...
    pj
     
  12. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Bunny Im so sorry he called the police. My son did once because he wouldn't get ready for school, my dad left and I said "ok, Im going back to bed " I didnt know it until the cop was at the door. I didnt understand how they got there, we didnt call, he claims the neighbors didnt call it was my home phone number! Well, I told the cop my son is ADHD, ODD, possibly Bipolar, Dr appointment coming up to confirm it or rule it out. " Well cop asked if he was on medications I said not yet, son peaked out of window cop got a glimpse and I said go ahead in the house and check on him( he never did). Memories. ( long time ago) But, he still always threatens to call them if we dont give him want he wants.

    Sorry for the story, I understand what your going through tho. Its hard to be snugly after their episodes- even tho they are fine and happy like nothing happened. I understand. I agree with the others, be careful, they been thru it, many hugs and relaxing days your way!
     
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think IC's method of pushing breaks is great. I find that my crew does a much better job of handling projects and frustration if I push breaks and protein. I try to have a snack with protein at each break or at least every other because my men all get frustrated much easier if I don't. I keep protein bars (not just meal or snack bars because many have tons of sugar and very little protein - look for at least 30% protein) on hand (but in my closet because they would eat them like candy!) handy and also fix snacks like salami and cheese rollups, granola made with protein powder, etc.. for times like this. It makes a HUGE difference in how well the project is done and how well we get along during the project!
     
  14. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Thank you. I never thought to push for breaks for Difficult Child, or anyone else for that matter. It's something to remember for the next time.
     
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    See Cedar's thread about outcome and process...
    Sometimes we get so focused on the outcome that we don't get the process right.
    Breaks are part of the process.
     
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