difficult child didn't disapoint in public tonight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sweetiegirlz, Oct 6, 2007.

  1. sweetiegirlz

    sweetiegirlz New Member

    I knew I'd have trouble with her , so why the hell do I bring her out in public??? I could kick myself.

    easy child's birthday money came today from her 19 y/0 sister easy child. I had to get some work pants and shoes, so decided to go to Payless and Target (situated together in same plaza)

    difficult child has always had issues with easy child's birthday in general and birthday money. Jealous as :censored2:! So she tried to turn it into a shopping trip about herself instead of spending easy child's birthday money.

    Earlier in the day she tried to spend easy child's birthday money on a hat for herself for 10 bucks. Like a jerk I promised her "I" would buy the hat for her tommorrow out of some of my money.

    fast forward to target and payless, tonight, difficult child picks out shoes for easy child that she would wear herself, asks me to buy her some and picks a fight with me in Target over promised hat from earlier in the day.(apparently she didn't think tommorrow was soon enough) She fought with easy child and I, very loudly in Target saying "You faggot, you're ugly, I hate you and you're stupid.Hitting her and then, Calling ME crazy girl. etc"

    We left the store, after I made easy child's purchases and from that point on difficult child was a nightmare. All the way home making smart remarks, saying if I ordered a certain food she wasn't going to eat it.(I told her I could care less if she ate it) I ordered "dine-in" from a nearby restaurant that difficult child and easy child both agreed on, then Before the food can arrive difficult child eats a microwave hungry man meal! I was :censored2:!

    then apparently remembering easy child just got birthday shoes, she proceeds to make easy child cry by trying her shoes on that are 2 sizes too small for her. Out of jealousy.

    Two things are also disturbing me. A recent progress report from school in which difficult child who formerly was all "A" student got an "F" with the notation missing assignments. All I got for explanation was "I don't know" (the beginning of hell for me?)

    2nd difficult child told easy child to run over a snail with her bike, and had told her it was just the shell on purpose, because my easy child loves animals ALL animals even bugs... and when the snail's insides came out easy child ran home crying...

  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Both Kroger and DSW used to have a small daycare like place you could drop off your kids while shopping. I LOVED that because difficult child has always been good for everyone else, but made shopping hell for me. I used it all the time until she aged out of it. They seem to have taken them out of Kroger, but I don't know about DSW.

    Sorry difficult child is giving you and easy child such a hard time.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I forget whether your difficult child is receiving a new evaluation or whether she is under treatment or on any medications. While we're not doctors and can't diagnosis over the internet, my guess as a mom who has gone through similar experiences with her daughters is that you may be looking at mood issues rather than ADHD.

    My easy child/difficult child 2 acts this way toward her younger sister when she is not properly treated for her anxiety and depression. My advice to you is to look at your difficult child's behavior as a symptom of an illness. When her illness is properly identified and treated, her symptoms should improve.

    Weekends can be tough. A lot of our difficult children do better when they are in a structured environment for a good portion of the day.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I don't know if you have the resources, but there was a very long time when I would not take either of my difficult children to any store for any reason.

    I learned quickly to make no promises. A promise can blow up on a parent - what if the car breaks down? What if a sibling is ill? What if the house burnt down? Will difficult child care .... nah? You promised her something. Don't do that.

    Renee, I forget - is your difficult child taking medications of any sort? Is it time for a medication check?

    I hope you find a way to domestic "bliss" once again with your difficult child. Today is a new day.....separate corners for these siblings, pancakes for breakfast & life is good. :crazy2: :smile:

    You can do this :warrior: mum!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would get a re-evaluation. I don't know if she has a mood disorder or something else, but she seems to have more than ADHD/ODD. I'd take her to a neuropsychologist. They actually do intensive testing, which no other professionals bother with. Some behaviors sound worrying and she could have one of many disorders. I wouldn't take her shopping again--it's too hard for YOU.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Argh! I would have gotten her away from me as fast as possible. I could not have held it together without getting angry!

    I would have sent her to her room with no ability to interact.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree that it looks like more than ADHD. I do think that ALL shopping would be done while difficult child was in school. I would even take easy child out of school for a morning after I dropped difficult child off. For birthday shopping it wouldn't hurt her to miss a morning wouldit? She could have a difficult child free shopping trip, you could both enjoy each other, and easy child would feel she really matters to you. That is a hard thing to get acrss when you are spending so much energy on difficult child all the time. We all fhave some problems with this.

    Read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, and The Defiant Child By Riley.

    Might also reas The Bipolar Child by papalous. Not sying you have bipolar, but it might giv you some ideas or help.


  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew. Sounds familiar!
    I agree--no promises. I have had my weak moments, just like you, but I learned the hard way.
    What are you doing to discipline difficult child after her outburst? Has she calmed down enough for you to tell her why you reneged on buying her the hat? (I assume you didn't buy it, after all that.) My son loves to say, "YOU PROMISED!" which really irritates me because I have to keep my promises but he doesn't?
    I think we've put a lid on that one now, but more will surface.
    Good luck today!
  9. sweetiegirlz

    sweetiegirlz New Member

    Hi again and thanks for all the wise advice. I have difficult child scheduled for another evaluation by a Child Psychiatrist on Halloween. Her first evaluation. since age 7. She is currently not on any medications.

    I hesitated like crazy for years about the medications, in denial about everything because for a few days she'd be an ANGEL and then bam! out comes all this undesirable behavior. She had me thinking I was crazy and still does.

    The school issue is really worrying me, it's her second F.

    Yes, I told difficult child after all this to go to BED. that was her punishment.

    The book explosive child should be here anytime, I ordered it online.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This sounds very familiar.I'm so sorry-it certainly is no fun. Like Linda for a long time we had to stop taking difficult child to stores with us. It was like setting him up for failure. Even to this day we only do it when we absolutely have to. Hugs.