Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Aug 1, 2013.
Bad for him, a relief for me.
He can retake it in two weeks.
And in the mean time he needs to be really nice to you so he can get more driving lessons from you, right?
My Aspie difficult child#2 failed the first time and then...omg, lol...GFGmom took him for a second try and the man passed him but said to her "he needs A BUNCH of practice". That was not the permit test. That was the final test. Yikes.
As you may remember he no longer lives with me as GFGmom claimed him back before his 18th birthday. I love that boy who is now closing in on mid twenties BUT he doesn't have a clue. He actually had a fender bender and the driver of the other vehicle told him "you should not be driving but I don't want to wait for the police so get to heck out of my sight!" Plus...his sense of direction is majorly flawed.
It may be a blessing you have a break from the driving worry. Hugs DDD
Ah, yes, I know it is a blessing.
My son is a whiz at directions. He used to give *me* directions by having me chase him all over dept stores. I had no idea where I was and I'd say, "Where's the door?" and he'd lead me right to it. Same with-the mall. Amazing.
Rules ... he sometimes follows ... he was amazingly polite to the DMV people. We worry a lot about his impulsivity and temper, though.
So far, I don't have to worry about the car. For two more wks.
This could be a sign...lol
I kind of like twenty-one for a difficult child to be able to drive...if then...lol.
I never allowed my kids to get their permit when it was first offered. My rule was you had to get A/B's so they would be eligible for the discount plus they had to work part time every week so they could pay for their car expenses. None of mine took me up on my rules so they were all over 18 before they got their drivers license...lol.
difficult child is 14 and he's already asking about learning how to drive!! Yikes!!
4 of my 5 are driving. Like Bunny's, my 14 year old is already asking. In my state, kids can get permits at 16. I have encouraged all of my kids to get them as early as possible so that we have control over their driving and when they can take the road test. difficult child started driver's ed a week after he turned 16 but didn't take the road test until he was past 18 because he didn't feel ready. In fact, he and easy child took the road test the same day. easy child was 16 and 7 months, the earliest he could take it under our state's rules. I don't enjoy driving so I like having these kids around to chauffeur me for a change, LOL.
Svengandhi, like I said, he's already asking about learning to drive, but we drilled into him that just because he reaches the age allowed by the state to learn does not mean that I have to allow it. I need to see that he is stable and in control of himself before I will let him get behind the wheel of a car. And then there is the job he's going to need to have since he will have to buy a car, although husband says that we should help him with that (I disagree, but we have time to come to some compromise of that subject) , and he will have to pay for his insurance and gas. Believe me when I say that I'm in no rush!!
I've seen several variations on this, including the parents paying for safety upgrades to a "decent clunker"... better tires, safety inspection, brake work... so that the kid didn't have to deal with those complexities as part of getting the car in the first place. Another family I know made the kid pay full pop for the car and for all driving expenses (gas, repairs, etc.), but paid a minority share of the insurance just because it's a whopping pile of cash to pay for both the car and the insurance the first time around. I wouldn't let difficult child know ahead of time that there will be help with any of it, though. Make him come up with a plan... then, if he's choosing between two cars and a couple hundred dollars difference in price... you could always offer to pay the difference so he has a better car to drive (if it is in fact a better car...). Leave your help options "open". JMO.
Also all my kids got clunkers to start because almost invariably (unless the kid is simply amazing) there will be an accident somewhere in the near future. Doesnt have to be their fault but they just dont understand defensive driving that well yet. I think all their car's cost about 500 or less.
Of course maybe we were just mean.
No, not mean. Practical. I wouldn't get difficult child brand new car. He can get something used, but reliable when the time comes.
I have said nothing about a car for him, other than driving is a HUGE responsibility that he needs to prove he is ready for, and that he will be paying for the privilege. His answer is always the same: "I know, Mom."
I agree that a child should be stable before being allowed behind the wheel but perhaps it can be a motivator, something he can do that your younger son won't be able to for several years. My thought of having them learn as soon as possible is that it gives parents more time to teach them. Once they're 18, they can go out and get a license and we can't control it other than to refuse use of our cars. I'd rather have them learning on my watch. None of my kids has a car of their own. I don't consider it my obligation to buy them one and I don't consider it an appropriate savings goal at their ages, school comes first. I allow oldest boy to use my car (a 1989 Camry, LOL!) for work. The kids can borrow H's van but they have to put the gas in. I pay for insurance, etc. but all cars are in our names. The kids check the oil and other fluids, the tires, etc. IF daughter decides to teach upstate or out of state, we will help her buy a car IF she doesn't have access to public transit but she'll be on the hook for insurance, etc.
I think that my point of view is shaped by the fact that my mom never learned to drive and neither have my sister or sister in law and they have all been hampered in life by not being able to drive. My mom was always reliant on my dad to take her places. My sister and sister in law are miserable unless they live near public transit. Also, I want my kids to be able to drive in an emergency or to be a designated driver. Once, when oldest boy was 16 and on his permit, H became very ill. I was at work so my son drove H to the hospital. If he hadn't been able to drive, H could have died because he wouldn't have let the kids call the ambulance. He was in the hospital for 2 weeks.
Svengandi... Where we live, if the kids are driving our cars, then OUR insurance goes sky-high on all vehicles; it only goes up a "bit" if they have their own car (with the high insurance), and only drive ours either with us, or in an emergency. So... we can't afford to let them drive our car to get to work or anywhere else. They can take the bus, use a bike, walk, or negotiate with us for a ride... OR, pay the piper and get your own car.
But I do agree with letting/making them learn while they are still in HS and while we still have influence and control.
My newest car is a 1994 so our insurance is not that much and I have a multi-car discount and allow my payments to be taken directly out of our account, which gets me another discount. I joke that if I win the Lotto, I will buy a car from this century, but not a new one because that goes against my grain.
PL/PD is what kills us. New drivers pay through the teeth for it (personal liability/personal damage). It's not based on the value of the vehicle. The "safety rating" of the worst driver on the policy becomes the rate for EVERY driver on the policy... obviously, your insurance works different than ours does. Emergency driving doesn't count (i.e. if one of the kids had to drive me to the hospital in MY car... ins co doesn't have an issue with it, no different than if neighbor did it for example).
Yes, Insane, we learned that the hard way with-easy child's ins, and we are no longer with-that company. Argh.
Some companies have good student discounts and the like. Also, if your child lives more than 100 miles away (as daughter does and difficult child will as of next week), you can take them off and the costs go down. Another option might be to have a policy limit as low as will allow you to add umbrella insurance, which is much cheaper.
Well I did leave the option open if they got A's and B's because that would get the good driver discount.
I do have to say my kids are a bit different. Middle one did have his learner's permit I think but he never drove except on dirt roads or parking lots. He learned to drive in the military when they taught him to drive just about anything. He also learned to drive police cars which is what he would be driving most of the time. I think they did a pretty good job of teaching him. His first (and only) duty station was right outside of Difficult Child and driving his very first car in that traffic was a nightmare. We did worry about that but nothing we could do about it. Now he drives for a living, a huge F350 truck for work.
Now my oldest son simply didnt have the ability to learn to drive until he was in his mid twenties. He was too anxious to even try to learn. He finally learned sometime around his 26th birthday and he got a little beater car from someone who lives on our street. It cost him $400.
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