difficult child has a bad day

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Nov 18, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    As I waited for difficult child, I saw his teacher come down the hall but the car rider kids were not following her. I was going to tease her about it being a bad sign when she comes out without the kids when she motioned for me to come talk to her. :anxious:

    difficult child had two bad episodes of behavior today. One was nasty words to a classmate. He was being nasty about her having tutoring over the summer and she replied, "Well, at least I don't need a machine to put my finger in." (something to that effect - she was referring to his stress eraser).

    The 2nd episode was when he inappropriately tried to help a classmate that he perceived was being picked on. I don't know all the details on that one but it ended with him saying, "I'm not the only bad kid in class. S and A are also bad." and continued to explain why those two girls were bad. Neither were involved with the initial situation.

    difficult child's teacher is wonderful. She was concerned with what caused this today. He has been doing so well and the recent step down from medications shouldn't have had this effect. She wants to know if there is anything that she can help with like having him bring the stress eraser to school again.

    Of course, difficult child does not see how the teacher is trying to help him. He just feels that she yelled at him and that he is the only one that ever gets into trouble. He stated the other kids don't get in trouble when they are mean to him. He states he does not like her. I tried to assure him that she does like him and is doing her best to help him. She doesn't understand what happened today because that is not the person he is.

    I asked him if he knew what happened, why he felt like behaving like that. He did not know. I talked to him about how his body is getting used to not having the medication and that he needs to use his tools instead of medication to get through this. I told him that if the tools don't work, he can go back on medication.

    I talked to him about the teacher wants to make sure he is able to use all his tools while his body adjusts to not having the medication. I also talked to him about letting a teacher know when the kids are annoying him. I explained that when he gets so angry that he strikes back without thinking, he will get into trouble. Let's find a way to report whatever is happening before you get that angry.

    I told him to talk to a teacher if he feels kids are picking on another kid. He replied that the teachers will say that the other kid needs to report it. So, I told him that he can say to the other kid, "I don't like how the other kids are treating you. I think you need to let the teacher know and I can go with you to help if you want." I told him that he needs to help teach the other kid how to find help.

    He has such a black and white outlook on justice. He hates seeing other kids being mean but does not realize that sometimes the way he chooses to fight back is by being mean also.

    When we finally got home (I had errands that absolutely had to be done otherwise we would have come straight home), I asked him if he would do the stress eraser. He stated he did not want to. I so hope the girl's comment hasn't totally turned him off it. Why do kids have to be so mean, and why do kids believe everything their peers say? His therapist recommended he do the stress eraser every night before bed so hopefully he will continue with that and just doesn't want to take it to school.

    Sometimes it is hard to determine what is personality and what is anxiety.
    Time will tell. I don't feel this was severe enough to automatically jump to reevaluating the medications. It will take time to adjust to not having medications. Also, if he does need to go back on medications, changing to a different medication will be an easier option if he is completely off this one.

    I still have faith in him that he can watch out for his triggers and know when the anxiety starts climbing. He can use his tools to control it.

    I hope my instincts are correct. I am blessed to have teachers who are in tuned to what might be anxiety. Although he doesn't see it, difficult child's teacher does try to keep him from anything that will increase the anxiety and is open to any of my suggestions.

    p.s. I am still using our old computer. Don't know how often I can access it. I think I am getting used to it. But still want a new computer.
     
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Andy,
    I'm sorry your difficult child had such a bad day. The teacher sounds like she genuinely wants to help. I think you handled the situation is well. I do hope he uses the stress eraser. After that comment I can understand him not wanting to bring it to school. I really hate how a comment from a peer can effect kids so much. I hope tomorrow is a much better day.

    by the way-good to "see" you-hope you are able to get a new computer soon!:)
     
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Keeping fingers crossed that today is a much better day for difficult child. Really hoping this was just a "blip" on the radar.

    Hang in there Andy
     
  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Andy,

    I'm sorry your difficult child had a bad day but I think you handled the situation extremely well. You're right - difficult child is lucky to have a teacher who truly wants to help him! It is much easier when you and the teachers are on the same page.

    I hope your difficult child has a much better day today and that he is able to use his coping skills - his stress erasers - more effectively. Keeping my fingers crossed... WFEN
     
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I agree that the teacher sounds great. I am also very impressed with how you handled things, in particular how you explained how he needs to use tools instead of medications but that if he felt he needed them he could go back. You are teaching him some great skills mom!
     
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you all!

    I tried talking to difficult child again this morning on the way to school. I wasn't sure about what he was thinking. I was able to speak to the teacher in private for a few minutes and explain some of his concerns. She stated she has not seen any kids being mean and will keep her eyes and ears open. She also said that she has not had any one to one disciplining issues with him. There has been "group" issues such as all the boys goofing off so the words to behave are directed at everyone, difficult child has not been singled out. I explained that difficult child does not see how the discipline effects those around. He only sees/hears the words being addressed to himself and does not see that the same words are being given to the other kids at the same time.

    difficult child is highly sensitive. I talked to him today about the need to tolerate other people and if they start being too annoying, he is to talk to a teacher before he reacts negatively. I told him that he can not control other kids' behaviors but he can stay out of their way.

    I helped with the 2nd graders at 12:40 today so was able to check in with his teacher to see how the day was going. She stated that there has been no problems today - that he has been in a very good mood. When I saw difficult child, he also stated there have been no problems today. YEAH!!!

    computer p.s. - I couldn't sign in this morning and after 1/2hr this evening, finally called easy child to find out how to sign on! The screensaver was on but I couldn't get to the sign on screen.
     
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi!!! Good to see you!! :)

    I'm sorry to hear he had such a rough day. I hope the day tmrw is better for him. Yes have faith in the tools he has been taught, I am hoping that he finds his way through this. Teacher sounds great!

    Keep us posted.
     
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