difficult child I thinks he's smart

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amazeofgrace, Aug 9, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    so my Mom and I wasted a gorgeous day and did not go to the beach because difficult child I had to work at 5PM (so he said).

    So my Mom takes difficult child I to work at the mall, although he was in no rush to get there (1st clue), I go to clean his room after he leaves, and do my daily check on the two condoms he has hidden under his bed, that were gathering dust. And shocking!!!! one was missing, hmmmm??? Would difficult child I say he is working and not really be working>?

    So I sit here for awhile thinking about it, then ask difficult child II if he wants to take a ride to the mall. We go and I call Footlocker on the way and ask for difficult child I, they say he's on a break, but the girl sounded nervous, and asked who I was, I said, I was his other hoochie and hung up. We get to the mall and sure enough difficult child I is strolling around the mall with his hoochie on his arm, and her little friend. I keep following them straight to the movies, (difficult child II is getting PO'd at me on his brother's behalf, but I ignore him, I am on a mission) now difficult child I is still on house arrest and the only exception is work and school.

    So I walk up to him, and he goes white, the hoochie starts to fidget. I say "go ahead pay for you girls, but you're coming home with me." The girls run (literally) and difficult child I calls me a B. We are home now, I called his inhome on the way home and told him there was a good chance I may have to call mobile tonight, he talked with difficult child I briefly and he seems to be a bit calmer now. Now I feel slightly bad, because the hoochie is being shipped to another country later this month, after crashing her mom's van (she is 14). But he of course is angry and says I am wrong, even though he was the one lying and being underhanded. And Mom and I missed the beach to make sure he got to work in time. I have interferred with the romantic plans of Mr. Romeo the ex-con & Ms. Juliet the car jacker.
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2008
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    They just hate it when mom is smarter. I applaud you in confronting him in front of the girls. I would have done the same. If you waited until he came home, he would just continue to disregard rules - "Whatever, I can have fun now and face the music later."

    Are you able to get his work schedule directly from his boss? Also, it may be a good idea to make these calls at varies times during his work time to check up on him. Ask him for his break times and if he does not answer any other times, then BUSTED! Is the manager willing to call you when difficult child I calls in "sick" or leaves early because he is "sick"? Or is this a job where management is not always around?

    Don't feel bad at all, you may have just interrupted more than a movie.

    I love that you have left the condoms and just keep an eye on them. What a great way to know when something is up.
     
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Don't feel bad! It's not your fault the girl is getting shipped off. The only thing that matters here is that he LIED.
     
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Why are YOU feeling guilty? HE's the one on house arrest, HE's the one who lied and HE's the one who had someone cover for him. I would have called the PO too but that's just me.
     
  5. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    Good for you! You are only holding him accountable for his actions ~ which has consequences. It's not your fault he lied. His actions, his behavior ~ cool mom who's trying to help!
     
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'd be sussing out the work environment. If he is on house arrest with the only exceptions being work and school, then why did the girl at his workplace lie to cover for him? Does she know the full story? Does she realise just how he was putting her in a very bad situation?Does she realise he would do this in a heartbeat even though he really doesn't care what kind of trouble it could get her into?

    I would be talking to the boss (assuming he is onside) and letting him know that GFGI is manipulating work colleagues to lie for him. They need to know the full story, or if he's bullying them into lying for him they need to know they can be safe and can tell the truth without feeling guilty.

    I'm thinking - if he can make YOU feel guilty even though you did exactly the right thing, how confused can he make his work colleagues?

    I had a work colleague who used to rely on us to lie for him to cover his rear end. The trouble was, he was so flagrantly flouting the rules that those who lied for him (or failed to go straight to the boss and tell him) copped it from the boss for enabling someone who really was NOT worthy of any team protection.

    In my case, the bloke wanted me to lie to his wife for him. I refused and said if she asked me a question I would have to tell the truth. So from that point on, he made sure I would be either not anywhere near his wife (who worked in the same place) and also convinced his wife that I did not tell the truth and couldn't be trusted.

    Protecting a work colleague who is only interested in his own pleasure - never a good idea. You end up getting into some serious trouble. I think a certain female at Footlocker needs to learn this one, FAST.

    Marg
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AOG,
    I think you handled it very well. Don't feel guilty! I hate how our difficult children can make us feel that way when they are the ones in the wrong!
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You did GOOD!!!

    Let me understand this. he took a condom to go visit his 12yo girlfriend?? He is 17??? I would be worried about that (what is the age of consent in your state? I would be checking up on it ASAP because it doesn't matter if SHE agrees. If she is too young her parents or the state can STILL charge him. He would be charged as an adult in most states too!).

    It might be worth a visit to his workplace when he is at home to talk to the manager. Ask the manager if difficult child 1 was scheduled that day? If mgr knows a store employee covered for a teen in legal trouble so he could hook up with his much younger girlfriend? (The store might or might not be able to be pulled into legal trouble by the girl's parents if anything happened - simply because an ON DUTY employee covered). also ask if schedule for difficult child can be posted online or emailed to you, so you know when he is REALLY working.

    I don't know if this will impact your son's job. From a mgmt standpoint, if son will go to this length to lie to mom AND THE JUDGE, what will he do to lie to the store or steal from them??

    I would at least try to get the schedule. It sounds like the manager is either very young (some of them are) or is a "buddy" who hasn't thought through the legal ramifications of helping your son to the extent that he is. Maybe tell the manager you need a copy of the schedule straight from the manager so you can give it to the judge. Say it CAN'T come from difficult child 1 because some other kids have faked schedules?

    I am sorry you had to face the drama, but I hope things stay safe for you. You may want to alert the PO, or maybe not. Support either way, though difficult child will continue to think he can pull one over until he gets busted by the PO.

    I am doubly sorry difficult child 2 is giving you grief over this.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  9. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    difficult child I's girlfriend is 14, tunring 15 this month, still too young in my opinion but she has more experience the my 17 y/o son!

    All the employees at Footlocker seem to have records and share the same values as my son, I must say that's why I knew he'd probably get hired there verses the other 20+ places I had him apply.

    I will not call PO, it seems calling her does nothing, calling poilce does nothing, calling DYFS worker does nothing, Goinf for psychiatric evaluation does nothing, see the pattern??? LOL
    I am on my own!
     
  10. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I understand about it doing nothing....TRUST me, I know! LOL In this case though, I think I would. ONLY because if you don't, and it comes out that he was out of the house for something he shouldn't have been and you knew about it (even after the fact) and didn't report it...YOU could get in trouble. It would figure that THAT would be something they would do something about and you don't want this coming back on you. Besides.....if he knows you didn't call....that could appear to him as though you SAY he has to follow the rules but you have no follow through. You're not going to report him so why shouldn't he do it again? Know what I mean??
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good catch, Amazed! I would never have figured that out.

    Sorry, I had to chuckle at the use of "hoochie."

    Amazing that everyone there has a record. At first I thought you meant a record of his comings and goings. I'm a little slow. :)

    I kind of agree with-mstng, that reporting him would not do much in reg to whether they do anything, but it is still a consequence. Hard to say.

    I know you say you're on your own, but hey, you're on the ball and way ahead of all the professionals. Give yourself a pat on the back!
     
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