difficult child loses control-suspended out of school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ROE, May 3, 2007.

  1. ROE

    ROE New Member

    It started out to be a good day. One of his teachers emailed me and told me that he made plans to meet with her before school and on his study hall to get the extra help he needs and make-up missing tests. He has been going to school early to do make-up work for another class. I'm feeling happy-difficult child is finally taking some responsiblity for himself. I email teacher back thanking her for her time and effort and assure her that he will be there early tomorrow...NOT.

    Five minutes later difficult child calls me from the AP's office. He's upset, on the verge of breaking down in tears. He tells me that he's been suspended for fighting. I talk to AP a bit and I pick up difficult child.

    Apparently a group of kids said some derogatory things to difficult child (I have yet to find out what was exactly said)and they continued to harrass him during lunch. Mainly one kid, who was being encouraged by others. It sounds like the kid was following difficult child around taunting him. difficult child let loose-two lunchroom supervisors tried to break it up. difficult child admitted to me that he was pushing them away trying to get at the kid who was trying to get away. OMG. difficult child has had several physical fights with peers in the past, mainly in middle school. But he NEVER before touched another adult (except parents-when he was younger). This alone tells me that he was over the edge.

    difficult child and the other boy are both sent to the office. While there, a group of kids (friends of the other difficult child)were taunting my difficult child at the window. He tore out of the office after them again. School cop is called and they were ready to handcuff my difficult child and arrest him. He settles down and they take him back to the office.

    When we get home, difficult child's head is hanging low. Tears streamed down his face and he mutters that "he didn't want to be pulled into this BS drama again. I'm smarter than this" He is certain that this is just the beginning and he told AP the same.

    Both difficult child's were suspended out of school tomorrow too and they received $108 fines.

    It concerns me that my difficult child lost control to this degree. Aggression and anger management are issues that he struggled to control for a long time. He has not lost control like this in years. But I have to say that I am encouraged by his attitude afterward. The old difficult child would've been bragging about the situtation to his friends and possibly was even the instigator. I overheard him tonight on the phone relaying the incident to a friend. He didn't sound boastful at all. He sounded frustrated that he was "just minding his own business" when all of this came down on him. His friend must've made a comment about almost being cuffed and arrested. difficult child wasn't boastful about this either "No, man. I was p.o."

    Another example of how badly it feels for difficult child's when they lose control.
     
  2. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600"> too bad the fight took place at the school because it does sound like he was sorely provoked.....not only in the lunch room but while he was in the office waiting to see the AP. didn't anyone else in the office see what was going on.

    the huge plus is he is remorseful. he wasn't proud of his reaction at all.

    since it's been so long since he's gotten angry like this maybe some role playing for future reference might be helpful? he seeims to be trying very hard.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ROE,
    I'm sorry-he does sound like he was provoked-where were the adults while that was going on? I'm glad he isn't happy with his reaction. Maybe a call to the psychiatrist would be helpful?
     
  4. ROE

    ROE New Member

    I did ask difficult child how he thinks he can handle it better, if there is a next time which he feels certain there will be. According to difficult child that's how this group of kids operates. "What are you my counselor?!" Well, yes, its one of the many hats I wear, I thought. He was still upset and working things through in his own mind. I will have to go back to this later. He is with dex this weekend.

    AP's response to difficult child being taunted from within the office was that difficult child "perceived" that these kids were taunting him. My thought is that it seems suspicious since the group of kids were friends and siblings of the other difficult child. This is part of difficult child's frustration. He feels that it took too long for anyone to respond. AP assured difficult child that the school was going to prevent future fights. difficult child is skeptical, "like you stopped the one at lunch today".

    AP does have a reputation for blowing things off, and keeping his head in the sand (this is echoed by staff and parents that I know) The fact that difficult child was trying to push the lunch supervisors out of the way disturbs me. AP didn't even tell me this..he mentions one of the supervisors names but doesn't complete a sentence that made any sense. I don't know if he just felt uncomfortable talking about it because difficult child was sitting right there or what. difficult child is the one that told me he kept trying to push them out of the way. I'm thinking that difficult child's consequences would've been more severe if another AP would've been in charge.

    I am going to suggest that difficult child apologize to these supervisors, I know that doesn't seem like much but I don't know what else to do about it. I think difficult child will feel better if he attempts to "right this wrong".
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Roe,

    Sorry to hear difficult child had such a bad day - it's positive that he is aware that his response was over reactive.

    Sending positive thoughts for a good weekend & a better week next week.
     
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    It doesn't sound to me like he was trying to get physical with the supervisors, he was just trying to get to who was harassing him. I understand the 0 tolerance in schools, but they do need to look into the reasons these things happen and do something about it. My easy child daughter who was 16 at the time last year, came out of her classroom and a girl jumped on her and started punching her. Of course anyone would hit back. They both got the same punishment, suspension and they weren't able to attend any dances for the rest of the year, but I felt the girl who started it should have gotten a little worse then my easy child. I am in no way a fighter, but if someone started puching me, my instinct would be to fight back. It's a natural reaction, but because of the 0 tolerance, they both received the same consequence. I often wonder what would have happened if my easy child just laid there??

    I know these are different situations, but I'm just trying to get the point across that they need to look into why these things happen and not just expect it to end by suspending everyone involved. If your difficult child is being harassed and taunted, they need to look into that and not just pretend it's not happening because they didn't see it.

    Good for your difficult child! I'm glad he's recognizing his feelings and reflecting on this differently then he would have in the past.
     
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I have the suspension thing. it is a bad idea. they could thin kof some other way than to have a student miss class and feel even more ostracized. sorry this is happening to your son.
     
Loading...