difficult child pysch evaluation and ride bk

[Jena]

hi

250 bucks to sit for 40 min. with-minimal questions. 2nd part is next week on thursday for her.

i said ok will you write a script for her what are my options till next week. he says have peds write script he knows her, put her in the hospital or do nothing.

peds called me back on way home and we talked as i stood in 20 degree weather on side of road with-kids in truck.

he says that's ridiculous, i feel ok with-lexapro i think it was i dont' even remember now and a really low dosage but you have to keep a careful eye on her with-the ssri's.

i go bk to truck easy child is flipping out on difficult child who was annoying her screaming cursing carrying on. i get in truck and plant her stating this is not ok. she than goes for me i hate you i dont even like you called me several names, than slammed feet on front of dashboard thought she'd break mirror screamed at the top of her lungs and continued to for what felt like forever at me.

difficult child is in back starting crying i started crying.

these kids of mine are killing me. i got home wiped my face finished crying in privacy and went into both of them and said i've had enough of both of you.

told difficult child i'm going to bed at normal time you want to stay up till 5 do so yet do not bother me. you dont' want to eat that's fine too you'll be in hospital after xmas promise you.

told easy child i'm so sorry your hurting yet i am not your personal punching bag, i jumped thru hoops of fire past 5 days for you to get you what you need, stand in freezing cold i get in truck and that's how you treat me. screw that i told her if you do that to me ever again and blow up attack me and act that way off you will go as well and let professionals handle you. she than turns to me and says no problem your a *itch.

i know im a good parent i really do. i draw lines punish am involved in their schools and academics, wtf. i am seriously thinking i got dealt a bad deck

i can't wait till their grown.. cannot wait. yea i'm mad right now and hurting bad yet i truly mean that. i love them yet i can't wait

 

[Wiped Out]

I can't wait til both of mine are grown right now either! Of course, you love them but things are really hard. Sending hugs your way.

 

[HaoZi]

Oh do I know those tantrums, you try to do everything and all you get is the "I hate you"s in return.
*hugs*

 

[Jena]

it sux. we can spin it till we are blue in the face yet it simply sucks. sorry no inspiration from me tongiht. tired of being the human punching bag. kids asked me the other day to have a baby, my sister in law is pregnant we went to shower. i said are you kidding me NO WAY

 

[Jena]

she's real volatile breaks me down because she's almost 18 and knows full well where to go. than has the nerve to look at me and call me that. wow. they both abuse me and it's going to end. i swear to god ill put them both in a hospital. i'm done.

 

[HaoZi]

Those are the times I'm ready to run away from home myself. There are times I wonder if it wasn't just me and kiddo if I might actually do it. For a day or two.

 

[Jena]

lol i dont' want to run away from home now i just want them GONE LOL. seriously i'm done. mental illness or no mentall illness doesnt' give a green light to treat us like ****.

 

[HaoZi]

No, it doesn't, and it's hard not to take it personal, but I'm still not great on just visualizing it as "brain garbage" that needs purging, even though that's pretty much what it is. Have either of them apologized yet?

 

[Jena]

difficult child didnt do anything.she's always annoying to be honest. and there's no changing that. easy child no way. its not about the apologizing its' about respect. if i had done that to my mom i would of gotten back handed in a heart beat. kids these days have zero resepct mental illness or no mental illness. their rages i get with the bipolar kids. yet easy child no way.i think it's just getting to that place at least for me of saying you know what i adore you both yet i no longer will allow you to eat me alive and drag me down. its' year of this now. running doctor to doctor trying to help easy child with therapy on and off. yet now it's come time to really help her. im just growing real tired of it all.

yours does this too? see difficult child in all honesty is totally bipolar yet a real polite kid if that makes any sense. when she rages and after she calms she gets so upset at the way she acted and apologizes for days. easy child is a different person altogether

 

[HaoZi]

Was thinking more along the lines that even typical teen spit out some of that now and then. Doesn't change the disrespect and aggravation factor, I know.
And yeah, kiddo can spit out some not so nice thoughts in her rages, mostly along the lines of "I hate you Stupid!" and throwing things or hitting. In the truck so long as it's just yelling and not unbuckling and trying to open the door, etc., I'll just slowly jack the volume on the radio one click at a time until it bothers her more than her yelling is bothering me.

 

[Josie]

Sorry you had such a bad day.

Is difficult child still screaming and crying until the middle of the night? Is easy child able to sleep? If not, could all of these weeks of lack of sleep be the cause of her mood problems now?

 

[Jena]

haozi i'm sorry you go thru that with the little one. it is so hard. i'm good with the i hate you's though lol. it lets me know im diong a good job.. if their too nice to you than you know your slipping up somewhere

easy child well she def rages it really began a little before this boyfriend or ex let's hope still. and it just increased in frequency since him her behaviors been totally erratic. it was mostly while i was gone away from here and my easy child wasn't working. she worked pt at a bagel store when she met him, had friends, a social life, was doing fairly well in school a real typical teen. a little nastiness yet nothing i couldn't handle. had a really sweet boyfriend at the time who treated her like gold. she treated him like **** and he dumped her. we loved this kid seriously...... such a good kid. like a man boy i called him.

than time passed and she begun with this kid. husband liked him in the beginning this was almost two years ago from the beginning i knew something was wrong he was too nice fake almost. than her attitude kicked in, she quiet her job, ran away one night with-him. it got so bad with her i had to get services into our home 3x a week a counselor came in, therapy was forced, etc. long story short we got to a pt. where her defiance began to calm, and it seemed like things were settling down.

time passed and it began again with him. so its' been on and off for the entire time she's been with him. yet there are emotional underlying issues that she needs to handle in therapy once the medications in place and brings her down a bit. like why would she want to take abuse from some guy, why would she want to fix him, what can she do to increase her self esteem, why is it so low, why does she need a guy so badly?

soo many questions. it got so bad during that time frame we looked into sending her away to a camp thing, yet we couldt' get the 50k loan to do it. we tried really hard yet didnt' work. he's a drug dealer, verbal abuser, a dirt bag according to all the kids at school and guidance counselor also thinks hes trouble. the local cops know of him. so yea she hooked up with a real winner. top it all off with a not so average life due to difficult child as her sister and chaos since her birth pretty much. she was looking to find someone to be bad with rebel against all that hurt her i'm betting and thought he'd be the ticket.

sorry so long for whoever reads this LOL.

 

[HaoZi]

Didn't you say she and her bad boy boyfriend broke up again recently? I recall having one like that around her age, those are (for whatever stupid reason) rough heartbreaks. Time, distance, and a lot of anger seems to be what it takes to get over guys like that, from the what was so wrong with me stage to the how could I have been so stupid stage. If I could go back in time I would smack myself. Repeatedly.
The spa weekend (if you can leave the phones at home or something) can be really helpful in helping her gain a little perspective on it, sounds like she's latching onto her anger pretty well.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Jena, you are a good mom. My difficult children were awful, I got cursed at and called all sorts of things. I had a physical altercation with #2 which has left me with a permanently deformed finger (oddly enough, the middle one...) but I have to tell you that life got easier as they got older. I actually enjoy them these days as I have watched them mature out of the rage. I hope that you will be able to feel such relief one day. HUGS!

 

[graceupongrace]

Jena,

Being the target really stinks! been there done that. Depression in adolescents often presents as anger and hostility. Doesn't make it any easier, but it may explain some of what's going on. Hugs.

 

[Jena]

thanks guys. I can handle it when it's in home yet in the truck with-no way out for me or difficult child is really hard. she' got alot of aggression and anger bigtime. and i do not feel like a good mom at all as of late. i feel like a failure. i really do. I have two kids on medications now. I have two kids attacking me now, I have two kids being defiant now. I feel like there is no escape at all. I'm the target always. What really hurts me so much is when difficult child is on the phone with-her dad being all sweet or will stay there and be all sweet than comes home and beats me up verbally. like last night she couldnt' sleep. yet again. i dropped new medication off today. so i said ok enough with-the you go to bed when you want. that's way it's been past week or so because i can't battle anymore. so last night i told her at 1 a.m. go to bed. she stood there my height now and refused. i thought wow i'm soo in trouble with-this kid she can overpower me in a heartbeat.

so we stood there and i wouldnt' back down. I gently guided her to the bed whereas she began to say how i was abusing her. it's just all so disgusting. it really is.

 

[Bunny]

It truly sucks being the target. difficult child will scream and tantrum at me for hours over something that I told him to ask his father about, but when he goes to ask dad he's all sweetness and light. It makes me crazy!! Why can't he just be nice to me about something? It would make life so much easier for everyone here.

difficult child has made threats to me, too. He's VERY slender (to the point where the pediatrician doctor asked me one time what I feed him. Little to they know that this kid eats me out of house and home!) and opne time, in the middle of a screaming tantrum where I would not give hime what he wanted he told me that he would tell the teachers at school that I don't feed him that is why he is so thin and then the teachers would tell the police and the police would come and arrest me and he would not have to live with me anymore. It's heartbreaking. You love them, but I totally understand how you can say that you can't wait until they grow up and movce out. I have said that MANY times.

Pam

 

[Jena]

i'm sorry you go through that too, it is hurtful and i guess we just have to get away from it. Self protect leave the room. i've never said i can't wait for them to grow up and get out. i kinda know difficult child probably wont' do that so i'm stuck with her. yet iv'e never really said that just as of late i think. i used to love being a mom i don't anymore. i could be in a room full of 5 kids and chaos and smile thru it. now i'm just like wow when do i get that feeling again of enjoying them. they can probably feel it also.