difficult child says, "It sounds like hard work"

[Andy]

Today for psychiatrist visit, I wrote on the questionnaire about our incident on Tuesday coming home from football camp. difficult child wanted window down, I said no because we have a/c. This turned into a unacceptable distraction in my driving so when we arrived at the street we lived on, I parked the car and walked home (about 1/4 mile). Ugly scene at home in which husband called in the middle of. I gave the phone to difficult child who told his dad, "Mom is a F%@&, she made me walk five miles when I was hot and thirsty and she is cheating on you."

difficult child read what I wrote and asked, "Why are you writing this?" I replied, "Why did you say that?" I could see he was uncomfortable about talking to psychiatrist about this lying. psychiatrist said that at the beginning of the session, difficult child admitted that he struggles with lying. The entire session was psychiatrist telling difficult child that he can not continue lying. That difficult child must listen to those in authority and not argue about it. Before I entered, they talked about how destructive the lie about me cheating is to the family and no matter how angry you are, you do not lie. (Actually the lie about making him walk 5 miles while I followed in the van and made fun of him because I was in a/c would be viewed as child abuse. If someone overheard that one and didn't know the truth so decided to call CPS on me, that would be a hassle.)

difficult child was very solemn when we left. I could see he was upset and did my best to keep quiet (I wanted so much to rescue him from his feelings but knew that he had to own those thoughts and realize what is going on when he lies). After about 20 minutes he said, "psychiatrist made it sound like it will be really hard work." I just said, "Well, how big of a habit has it become to lie? You need to start work on breaking that habit before it gets bigger."

We then went to Walmart (good to know big city stores still have shorts), ate at IHOP, and went to the zoo.

 

[amazeofgrace]

at least he seems willing to listen and is considering to try, praying he will be convicted by his bad habit ebough to stop

 

[Wiped Out]

Adrianne,
Sounds like psychiatrist handled it well and that difficult child is willing to try. He's right it will be hard work! I'm sorry his lies have been so hurtful.

 

[Marguerite]

THat sounds like a very productive session.

Poor kid - it IS hard work, to break any habit. But if he can at least see, even when pointed out, the damage that lies can cause - it has to be a beginning.

And you handed it really well. You gave him the space and time he needed with his thoughts -very important.

If you and husband are communicating well, a lie like difficult child's should not cause problems that a quick talk between you shouldn't resolve.

Back before we married (but were already engaged) husband's cousin (raised like a brother) lied about me in a similar way. husband was away at the time in the army, I was in the car with father in law & mother in law in the front and cousin and uncle in the back. Cousin claimed I'd been furtively coming on to him in the back seat on the drive home. He told uncle that evening ands uncle was so concerned that it might be true, he came to father in law and talked to him about it and asked if he knew what his son (husband) was getting involved with (ie me). And uncle already knew his own son was a pathological liar!

Cousin later got the perfect job for him - advertising!

Marg