difficult child scared me last night.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LookingForAnswers, May 21, 2011.

  1. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    Last night difficult child had the worst melt down I have ever experienced! It was really upsetting. It all started because he was 30 minutes late coming home. He would not accept responsibility and accept that he had done anything wrong. He would make every excuse in the book about why he was late rather than just say "Hey....sorry...I screwed up and lost track of time." At this point nothing out of the usual happened but at some point he started saying "Well I just stop caring about you....I hate you...etc". Which is also not out of the ordinary. I was out of his room when he was saying these things and when I walked back in his room he was holding his hands under his chin with 2 fingers pressed up aganist the under side of his chin (like a gun). He put his hand down when I walked in and I asked him what he was doing. He said "What I have been wanting to do for a long time" and then he placed his fingers back up to his chin but this time he added the action of pulling the trigger! I immediately said "I'm calling" and walked out of the room to get my phone. (He knew that I meant that I was calling 911 because a couple of weeks ago at school there was this big incidence where he got mad at his teachers and drew pictures of stick people committing suicide and I almost took him to the hospital then.) He really lost it then. He began raging....he was screaming and hitting his furniture and I don't know what else because I did not go back in the room while he was raging. My husband was on duty at the fire station so I called him instead becuase I just couldn't bring myself to call the cops and I didn't know what else to do! While all this was going on my easy child was downstairs hiding in a corner behind the couch and crying....sobbing! Long story short his dad was able to calm him down after about 20 minutes on the phone and I was able to get my easy child calmed down. It was a mess and we have never seen him "loose it" like that. I could not (can not) get the vision out of my head of him putting his fingers under his chin like a gun! When all the dust settled he apologized to me and his brother. He didn't want to talk about it later and I asked him how will he learn from it if we don't talk about it. He said "I did learn from it." I asked "What'd you learn?". He said "I learned that I can loose control sometimes." (I would have thought that he already knew that by now!). I asked him about the suicide gesture and he said that he would never do it. I asked him well then why do you suggest it sometimes and he said...in all his wisdom :) ...."To get your attention...to make you listen to me". This is something that I truly feel is true but my fear is that one time he will do it and mean it and how will I know it. I explained that to him and told him that if he continues to do it that he will end up in the hospital. I can't under react to this anymore. If it ever does come to that I don't know how he will handle it and that scares me also....but I have to protect him...even from himself...even if it means that he will hate me.
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that you had such a frightening evening. Do you have a good psychiatrist who might be able to help? Hugs. DDD
     
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    (((((HUGS)))))

    I know how you feel, I'm getting there myself. Sounds so similar to my DD1. Since finding this forum, I'm considering myself lucky for one reason - she hasn't raged yet. Living in fear that it's still going to come.

    Good that you can get him to finally talk and get insights. When I finally ask a question I hadn't asked before, and get a new insight, I kick myself in the butt for not asking sooner. My suggestion to you for your next question is: "What EXACTLY are you trying to tell us?"

    Gotta run, but just wanted to quickly offer some support. I've seen mention that very few are on the boards over the weekends, so I wanted to make sure you knew you are not alone.
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2011
  4. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    DDD ~ Thanks for the hugs! He has been seeing the same psychiatrist since he was 7 but I am thinking is it time for a new psychiatrist. We have been strugging with his medications for about a year now and his psychiatrist is really at a loss as to what to do or try next. I made him an appointment with a new psychiatrist. It's on the 31st. I am excited and hopeful for a freash prespective on his diagnosis and his medications!
     
  5. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    Keista ~ Thanks for the support! That is a great question to ask him and I will definitely ask him.
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When Monday comes I would probably call the psychiatrist (current one) to let him know what happened. Sending some gentle hugs your way.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Missy, that is so sad and scary. I can see his point--that would get MY attention! But he's not mature enough to understand the full implications.
    He needs a really good talk therapist who can draw him out, and get him to think through his actions when he's calm.
    My son blows up like that when he is pushed past his limits. The last time was when I took my cell ph into the bathroom and he thought I was going to call the police. I wasn't but I wanted the phone just in case, not knowing if separating myself by a door would calm things down, or if he would kick in the door.
    Anyway, he really exploded, and begged me not to call, and physically blocked me ... I'm claustrophobic so it wasn't fun, to say the least.
    We have talked about this a lot in therapy and have come a long way.
    Do you think that the lithium is working? Do you agree with-his diagnosis?

    The next time he does the gun gesture, I would firmly say, "You know how I feel about that. You have to come up with-another way of expressing yourself. Stop it." I see your statement of calling as ramping him up, like I did with-my son. It's hard to know how their minds work but after a while, we can figure it out. :)
     
  8. Maria R

    Maria R New Member

    I am new to this website and a frustrated and scared mom of a 12 year old who I think has Conduct Disorder and I know has ADHD. I really need to find some parents who have been there and can help me. Last night my son was hitting me when I was driving after leaving the grocier store. He was mad because I asked him to exchange the flavor ice cream I picked up.
    I really need some friends.
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Maria, this should be a brand new post of its own. Moderators, can you give Maria a new post?
    Welcome, Maria. Your son sounds a bit like mine. My difficult child was being wild and I got pulled over for speeding once and was actually relieved to have someone intervene. Hows that for crazy!?
     
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome, Maria. You found a great place. I've only been here a week, and have already found much support, answers and guidance. I am in AWE of the strength and knowledge everyone on this board possesses.

    As TerryJ2 suggested, start your own thread. There will be posts of support, insights and help.
     
  11. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Missy,
    I wouldn't mess with suicide threats. Yep, sometimes they are just that, ways to get your attention. My daughter has done that, however, everytime she has done it, we take her to the psychiatric hospital. I would rather professionals make the call. They won't admit him unless they think he needs it. My real concern is the fact that his medications are off or not working ( per your post) and SSRI can cause this kind of ideation. Prozak did it to my daughter after over 6 months on it. The very fact that you are here, and going to see another psychiatric tells me things are off. in my humble opinion I would call 911 next time and they usually send an ambulance to transport. We did drive our daughter 2 times, but she was not out of control those times. Hugs to you and take care. I know this is scary!
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Missy I am so sorry that your family has to go through this. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

    Suicide threats are NOT something to mess around with. My son was 7 when he tried to kill himself. He made 2 serious attempts and a lot of threats. It may be to get attention, it may not. But not having him examined can lead to tragedy. It may be the medications causing the problems or it may be the depression or manipulation. Not being serious about it doesn't mean he won't make an attempt and be successful.

    You also need to work very very hard to not EVER say that you will do something that you won't. If you say you will call 911 then you MUST call them no matter what. Or don't say it. It is HARD and we all make mistakes with this. But esp with this you want him to know that you will do WHATEVER is needed to ensure the safety of everyone in the home, even keeping them safe from themselves. You also need him to knwo that you will follow through. Not doing hwat you say teaches them that they can do what they want because you don't mean whatever it is. That applies even to this. Talk with your husband about the best ways to handle his rages and make a plan. Write down who does what, when. IF he says or implies iwth gestures or actions that he wants to hurt himself or others that you will call 911 with-o fail. That you daughter should go here and lock herself in until the cops arrive. If you have pets, who should put them in their crates or what should be done iwth them. Write down whatever is needed to make sure that everyone is safe and then follow the plan.

    This is for everyone's safety, not just difficult children. These rages and suicide threats are incredibly traumatic for siblings to endure. They are often terrified and can feel unsafe for days after a rage. Your easy child NEEDS to be seeing a therapist of her own to help her cope with everything and at some point may even need medications for anxiety and depression ehrself. It is hard to watch our difficult children go through all the problems and rages and it is even harder to see the impact it has on our pcs. They often hide how upset and scared they feel because they don't want to add to our problems. Or they think that we don't care because we pay so much attention to what difficult child is doing. No matter how well adjusted they seem, it is imperative to get help for them also.

    Having a safety plan and practicing it with your daughter (preferably when difficult child is not home) can go a long way toward helping her feel safe. Put a sturdy door and a deadbolt lock on her bedroom door or on your bedroom door and let her go in there to be safe during difficult child's rages. Or have her go outside or to a friend's house if she cannot get to the safe room (the room behind the lock) with-o going near/past difficult child.

    I hope something I suggested helps. I know how terrified you felt when you saw him pretend to shoot himself. (((((hugs)))))
     
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Calling 911 is not a punishment. If he was spurting blood from an artery, would you put a band-aid on and hope for the best. No, you'd call in the professional medical staff.

    PLEASE call 911. Don't present the psychiatric hospital as a 'punishment'. If he is feeling that bad inside, he needs help. Kanga always liked going to the psychiatric hospital because she knew she was safe from herself, at least for a while.

    If he is calm today, ask him if he would like to go to the psychiatric hospital, does he still feel like he might hurt himself. You may be surprised that he wants to go.
     
  14. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    Thanks everyone for all the helpful suggestions!

    Susie ~

    I am sooooo sorry you went through that with you son! This is my biggest fear and I realize that one day he could mean it and make an attempt and that terrifies me. The frequency of his saying this has just started this year. He has said it in the past but it was rare; then he didn't say it for a few years and now he as said it several times this year. I am HOPING that this has to do with his medications because he hasn't been stable since last Summer. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist and I am hoping she can get us going in the right direction. I am also wondering if he is in need of a medication wash. Rest assured, though that if he does this again we WILL take him to the hospital. It will be the hardest thing we have ever have to do because he will go kicking and screaming but that is NOT a chance that I am not willing to take anymore.

    I totally understand what you are saying about our easy child. I can see that he struggles with it. He has a lot of anger toward difficult child and has no patience with difficult child's behaviors. He said to me last night when he was aggravated with difficult child (He was really hyper and reactive.) “I just wish our family was normal.” so I know that is probably where some of the anger stems from. I can also see where he may be hiding how upset and scared he is. We do try and get him out of the house as much as we can so that he gets sometime away from all the chaos. I do plan on getting him in with the new psychiatrist or whichever psychiatrist we stay with.
    As far as the safety plan...we put locks on our bedroom door (downstairs) and his bedroom door (upstairs) so that he has a safe place to go on both levels of the house. We also told him to go to the neighbor’s house if things got out of hand.

    I really appreciate all the suggestions! :bigsmile:
     
  15. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    I have to say that this statement is a little over the top and a bit offensive to me. I wrote that post to voice what happened and also for support from all the warrior moms. That statement is not supportive at all. It comes across very patronizing. Obviously, if my son was spurting blood from ANYWHERE I would get professional medical help. Handling that type of situation comes natural to a mother...it's just instinct. Handling a situation where your child suggests suicide is not a natural situation any mother should or would know how to handle instinctively. The frequency of his saying this has just started this year.....really very recently. He has said it in the past but it was rare; then he didn't say it for a few years and now he has said it several times this year.....twice in the last month. I am hoping that this has to do with his medications and I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist. I am hoping she can get us going in the right direction.Rest assured, though, if he does this again we WILL take him to the hospital. It will be the hardest thing we have ever have to do because he will go kicking and screaming but that is NOT a chance that I am not willing to take anymore.
     
  16. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    You are not the first parent to come to these boards and express that you didn't want to call 911. You are correct that dealing with a suicide threat is different that dealing with a physical injury -- not because of the level of medical care needed, but because of our familiarity with physical injuries v. mental illness. Most people seem to hesitate to call 911 for a psychiatric emergency because there isn't a clear wound, etc. and our minds reject the idea that a child would actually commit suicide.

    You said you told him you were calling and he escalated. I'm glad he calmed down eventually but everyone must have been terrified while the rage was happening. I'm glad that you decided that next time he will go to the hospital. Having that decision made during the calm between storms always helped me react better when Kanga did rage.
     
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