difficult child shared this a.m. with me; good right before mtg.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Dec 9, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi!! Yup, it's me yet again, i'm eating up the boards again. I"m sorry :tongue:

    Just think when i'm working how much all of you will miss my endless banter :redface:

    So, my little person today shared with me after a pretty bad anxiety attack. The teacher, many of you will remember her as Ms. Herbal (just give her some roots she'll be all good! lol) well she's putting the screws to difficult child a bit now regarding various things. I've seen a heightened sense of anxiety and manic behaviors, we've increaesed medication a bit, etc. I thought ok it's holiday time you know the drill "thought to self".

    Well, it winds up this teacher is a great teacher, yet there is one flaw here she seems to think that she can solve all, her confidence i'm sure has served her well, yet one cant' get too cocky when handling a difficult child.

    When difficult child is late, and imentioned this in my other post she is making derogatory comments to difficult child for being even 15 minutes late (totally throwing her off) alot of this is due to the medication increase, she's finding it difficult to wake. Than also with certain assignments. She purposely embarrassed difficult child yesterday infront of a friend regarding a an assignemnt that is owed to the teacher (an artwork thing), we know of it, yet last night it took difficult child 2 hours to complete minimal hw. She said well your friend managed to do it, why can't you do it. Than has from what difficult child says been quite abrupt with her when difficult child displays any type of anxiety at all.

    Instead of using calming techniques or saying it's ok difficult child go to the nurse. She has instilled upon her going to the nurse is bad, needing to is bad, get control now!!! by the way i saw it first hand one day i went to help out. a girl had a major anxiety attack, she actually disconnected. the teacher grabbed the girl by either shoulder and said you can handle this, get control now and kept repeating student's name. Umm i was appauled. i'm kinda thinking one shouldn't be doing that, yet i'm not a teacher........??

    So, a few other things as well. I'm now learning that heightened behaviors with difficult child are also due to the teacher or so it seems. The teacher has stated on more than one occassion she believes her teaching is what is brought difficult child to a managable level. ok, this isn't about whose the best here?? LOL. i just let it go. Yet now she seems to think ok she's managable let me push now.

    So, i've decided tmrw at the mtg. i will now finally disclose all of difficult child's previous diagnosis. i will not allow them to put in the folder but i'm going to share. This way maybe just maybe she'll get it.

    Than i'm going to list all of the things that i would like done to assist difficult child, things i would rather teacher not do with difficult child, etc. and when iep mtg. hits it'l all be set in stone. yet we have a while to go with this teacher and i'm certainly not going to allow her now to do as she pleases to this extent with a child with whom was in crisis mode only 9 mos. ago and we thought we'd have to hospitalize it was so bad.

    so, do you guys agree with this thought process???? :)

    thanks my friends.
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Absolutely!!! That teacher seems to be on an ego trip. Grabbing shoulders and demanding control might work with some of her students, but not all children can handle all things the same way. Her being a teacher she should no that better than us "warrior parents" do. If I were you I would do the same thing. I think the more they know the better they will understand. Maybe you could even set a time to meet with "the herb lady" one on one and explain that your daughter is not capable of just "getting in control" when told to. If only it was that easy - hu? There would be no need for this board!!! lol

    Good luck. :)

    And thanks for the support you have been giving me. :)
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Last year K's Teacher was horrible and she thought yelling at K and telling her to just calm down and sit still. Lost he 3 times... sent her to the office, made her feel like she was bad. Well K missed like 50+ days.
    This year, wonderful Teacher, caring Staff, actual Nurse! K has not missed one day!
    So even though maybe this Teacher may actually think her tactics might work for most kids, she may need some info on kids like yours.
    Maybe you can print up some Teacher techniques for her.
    I know CABF has some and NAMI might also.
    The Papalos have a great page called, 24 hours a day in the life, or something like that. But it explains what life is like for 24 hours in our kids life. I will see if I can find it.
    I always brought printed off pages of things I thought might help the staff understand K better. Her last School, it didn't help, but now they love it!!!
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thank you!!

    Bran, thanks...... yea can you imagine?? totally insane. it wasn't difficult child she grabbed though, but difficult child's friend who is in the process of getting a neuropsychologist evaluation

    toto - thank you. I do the same thing, last year i printed up excerpts and pages out of the book myself and handed it to the staff. i also got free copies of the book for my parents who were driving me nuts from NAMI. have they yet to read it, umm no.

    what a difference, K has missed no days. wow. teacher's really are very powerful ppl. i've tried relentlessly to enlighten this teacher. last yaer it took until june to have her "get it". yet she was a horror show with difficult child. very very bad. yelled, screamed, did to me as well on the phone regarding difficult child's behavior. this one is just "god like".
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Toto I remember reading that and handing a copy to the school social worker last year yet reading it again, this is my little girl in a nutshell. how well he breaks down what aday is all about.
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I don't know about sharing past diagnosis if you do not want them documented in the chart. The staff will find some way of using your sharing as your permission to record it.

    I would explain past behaviors without labeling the diagnosis. Explain what challenges you have faced and how those issues have been overcome or being worked on. Do not state the actual diagnosis unless you want it put in the chart.

    I think what is important is the here and now. This is what difficult child needs NOW! She does not respond to intimidation. You can not demand anything of her. If you are not satisfied with difficult child's explanation (for example being late for school), you are to bring the issue to me. You are not to use any issue to belittle her.

    Good luck!