difficult child still on lam will call 911 when returns

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by compassion, Feb 1, 2009.

  1. compassion

    compassion Member

    Hi all, difficult child was partying all weekend :( It was a rest yeaterday. I talke dto her once at 4 and she came in very briefly at 10. husband and I talked and have decided to call 911 _CIT (cris intervention team). I spoke with p-doctor office. They will take her to psychiatric ward for 72 hours and then have her transferrred to the other hospital. Let you know as events develop. Thansk for all th support. I am so grateful.Compassion
     
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oh so sorry this is happening. I hope she shows up soon and that you can get her in for some help!
     
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    So sorry. I've been there done that with my difficult child. It is enough to break your heart when they won't stop their self-destruction. Take care of yourself. You've done all you can.
     
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Just wanted to add some (((HUGS))). I am so sorry!
     
  5. compassion

    compassion Member

    I called she was at the Mall and now don't think I can do it for today. I have had a sort of vacation as she has been gone since Friday. husband is bringing her home as she is hungry. One day at a time. I am going to Al-Anon in a bit. Compassion
     
  6. compassion

    compassion Member

    My husband found both girlw crashed out on the bench in the Mall: suspect they were out all night. They are sleepign now in Cara's room. Now, I am going to Alanon. Later. Compassion
     
  7. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I guess I'm not understanding -- why wouldn't you start the process now that she's in your possession and before she runs again?
     
  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    It is so hard to actuallly do. I really do not wat to involve the police. i am hoping to convince her to go without that. We talked to her last night about it. She is still out: it is midnight. Compassion
     
  9. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Compassion,
    I am going to be very blunt here--your actions are speaking so loudly to her--they are saying she can do whatever she wants. You will threaten 911 and hospital, etc. but when it comes right down to it she knows you won't do anything except go to a meeting. I think you are doing her a great disservice. If you are not going to follow through then don't make the threats. I think you have huge blinders on if you think taking her to AA meetings when she has no desire to change is going to do any good at all.

    Sorry,
    Jane
     
  10. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Yes this is very hard. But she will not go by herself. She just won't. Cry. scream. get mad, but make the call and do not wait. Then go to the meeting and post. We care.
     
  11. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sorry, but I agree with Jane. If my husband had found my mentally ill child at the mall after being out all weekend, he would have driven her straight to the ER without stopping at home. Parents need to act decisively in times of crisis.

    I hope you take some steps today to get her into treatment.
     
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Compassion, getting police involved to get her to a psychiatric hospital does not lead to anyone's arrest or having charges filed- unless they show up and find abuse, drugs, etc. My son is on probation with a suspended sentence and I called cops to my home about 4 times in as many weeks. You just need to start out telling them about BiPolar (BP)/mental illness.
     
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for keeping us updated.
    You must be tearing your hear out.
     
  14. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    While it's true that getting police involved may not lead to any court issues when there is a mental illness component here, I really think that the fact she is blatantly disregarding the rules (laws, even) in spite of being on probation means she has got to suffer some consequences here. I know it's not easy, man yof us have been in your shoes and know how it feels. But we've also learned the hard way that we are not doing our children any favors by allowing the behavior to continue, it teaches them no sense of responsibility for their actions.

    I hope al-anon helped and that things get resolved for you soon.
     
  15. compassion

    compassion Member

    Had a joint sessin with husband with the therpaist we all (husband, difficult child and I) have seen since early August. I worked through some of my fear about calling police. The t-doctor suggested I see if I can just call police vs. 911 so it would not be as adrenaline/crisis oriented. My moommy heart is breaking so much. We taslked today about seeing the troubled young lady vs. that seet innocent 5 year old. Both husband and t-doctor and a lot of you have me convinced I have to cal police. She will not go voluntarily. Please send good vibes and if you or so inclined prayers. She will not go on her own.
    The current plan is we are givng her money to hang out, go out to eat and to a Vintage clothing store before volleyball practice. The volleyball gets out at 10. husband and I wil go to Al-Anon and then pick her up, bring hr back here. We will call the police tomorrow morning. I am a morning person and that makes most sense for me. It is a process to accept, surrneder,etc. Her diagnosis, legal challenges, etc. all occurred in the last 7 months so I need to be rreally gentle with all concerned.
    I still would prefer no police involvment: I want it to be as calm and dignified as possible. She is very ill, not a criminal.
    Compassion
     
  16. compassion

    compassion Member

    I am goign to have husband make the actual call. I have been the heavy for so long and through therapy we are breakin gthat and tryng to be more of an inited front where he takes more of a role.
    We had a breakthrough last night. He told her she could not live here anymore after assulting him and thrianing his life last Thursday. That is very huge for him.
    Compassion
     
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Compassion, instead of giving her money to hang out tonight and then calling police in the morning, why don't you and husband get her in the car, tell her you are taking her "somewhere" and drive her to ER. You could even act like you need to go for some reason. Between you and husband, you should be able to handle her. You need to be preparing what to tell them- about her detrioration of functioning because they might not be willing to admit her for acute purposes, unless the psychiatrist has already gotten them on board.

    I don't condone lieing to our kids, but when it is done to get them admitted to a psychiatric hospital for their own good, and we truly are admitting them for instability and evaluation, sometimes it is necessary.
     
  18. compassion

    compassion Member

    Klmno. thanks for replying so soon. husband is deathly intimated by difficult child. She has grabbed steering wheel, etc. He will not attmept to transport her himself with me. I will update later. Compasson
     
  19. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Your daughter is 15 and believe it or not YOU do have alot of control over her and her treatments. In a couple of years you will not. Do not procrastinate because a fuss is undignified. As her parent you can put her into the hospital. If you cannot handle her alone and she won't go willingly then the police are the only other alternative. How about just telling them where she is and having them pick her up and transport. I did it for my son after an episode of abuse. It isn't easy but it is necessary. AA isn't enough for your daughter AT THIS TIME. Once she is stable and has accepted her diagnosis, is willing to take control of her responsibilities, live clean, and medicate as perscribed by psychiatrist: then maybe AA alone will be. For now she needs more. Exert your authority and your ability to get her treated while you can. It could mean her very life. -RM
     
  20. ML

    ML Guest

    Whatever you decide I am SO GLAD you are going to alanon. This is such a rough road. Thinking of you and praying for your situation. ML
     
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