TiredSoul
Warrior Mom since 2007
He is only 8! He was participating in a fund raiser this weekend that took place outside a retail store. His shift was only supposed to be for 2 hours, but he was enjoying himself and the adult in charge said he was doing a great job, so I left him for 2 more hours. Checked in with him then and he was still doing fine so he was able to stay another 2 hours. Told him I was proud of him - he said he loves doing that, etc. etc.
The next day, husband takes him up again and talks to adult in charge - they say they have enough people for that shift but he could come back in 2 hours to work that shift. Adult also tells husband they are short $20. They get home and husband tells me, then tries to get in difficult child's pockets. difficult child FREAKED out. husband had to hold him while I checked his pockets. He had $63.00!!!!!! I was sooooo disappointed. Major meltdown, denial, I didn't do it, it's my money yada yada. Says he going to kill himself, says he going to run away, husband has to restrain him for awhile. I leave with 3 yr old son. That causes him to go off even more. I call my mom and drive around the neighborhood and cry and cry. Things are just getting worse.
difficult child kept denying it. He finally admitted to taking $20 that were donations (not product sales) and said he just forgot to give them the money. Later, I told him a fib and said oh actually I talked to them and they are short $43 and asked him if maybe he was wrong in his calculations. Then he admitted ok I did take $40 but the other $23 is mine from raking leaves. Later we talked about that and retraced his steps and after me saying lets go for a walk and you can show me whose house you raked leaves at and I will talk to them. He said he didn't remember. I talked with him for a long time and told him he is not a bad person, he made a bad choice, and I told him I think you took $40 out of the money bag and also kept $23 in TIPS. I said TIPS on purpose. He then agreed yes, they were my tips. I explained to him that when he is representing an organization and doing fund raising he cannot keep tips - they need to go toward donations (he knows this), but it gave him an out - so to speak. He admitted to all of it. I told him he could either go talk to the person in charge or write a letter. He said he would write a letter. I told him he could write it with pen and paper or type it. He said type it. I typed 3 things on the paper 1) What I did, 2) Why it was wrong, and 3) How I feel. He typed what he needed to and then I had husband take him to return the money and give the letter. He talked to adult in charge and he thanked him for returning the money and asked him if he would do it again - difficult child said no and they shook hands.
I am proud of the way we handled it. I wanted to scream and flip out (but I did that out of his sight in the car talking to my mom) and then I came back and calmly had discussions with him. When it wasn't getting anywhere, I stopped and waited to talk to him again later. We kept at it and finally got the truth. He made restitution by having to admit it, write the letter, and talk to adult in charge. Will he ever do it again? I don't know - I hope not. This is not the first time he has stolen, but it is the worst.
I just wish I knew what was going on with him and how we can help him. Is this really ADHD? Geeez. Happy Monday!
Jules
The next day, husband takes him up again and talks to adult in charge - they say they have enough people for that shift but he could come back in 2 hours to work that shift. Adult also tells husband they are short $20. They get home and husband tells me, then tries to get in difficult child's pockets. difficult child FREAKED out. husband had to hold him while I checked his pockets. He had $63.00!!!!!! I was sooooo disappointed. Major meltdown, denial, I didn't do it, it's my money yada yada. Says he going to kill himself, says he going to run away, husband has to restrain him for awhile. I leave with 3 yr old son. That causes him to go off even more. I call my mom and drive around the neighborhood and cry and cry. Things are just getting worse.
difficult child kept denying it. He finally admitted to taking $20 that were donations (not product sales) and said he just forgot to give them the money. Later, I told him a fib and said oh actually I talked to them and they are short $43 and asked him if maybe he was wrong in his calculations. Then he admitted ok I did take $40 but the other $23 is mine from raking leaves. Later we talked about that and retraced his steps and after me saying lets go for a walk and you can show me whose house you raked leaves at and I will talk to them. He said he didn't remember. I talked with him for a long time and told him he is not a bad person, he made a bad choice, and I told him I think you took $40 out of the money bag and also kept $23 in TIPS. I said TIPS on purpose. He then agreed yes, they were my tips. I explained to him that when he is representing an organization and doing fund raising he cannot keep tips - they need to go toward donations (he knows this), but it gave him an out - so to speak. He admitted to all of it. I told him he could either go talk to the person in charge or write a letter. He said he would write a letter. I told him he could write it with pen and paper or type it. He said type it. I typed 3 things on the paper 1) What I did, 2) Why it was wrong, and 3) How I feel. He typed what he needed to and then I had husband take him to return the money and give the letter. He talked to adult in charge and he thanked him for returning the money and asked him if he would do it again - difficult child said no and they shook hands.
I am proud of the way we handled it. I wanted to scream and flip out (but I did that out of his sight in the car talking to my mom) and then I came back and calmly had discussions with him. When it wasn't getting anywhere, I stopped and waited to talk to him again later. We kept at it and finally got the truth. He made restitution by having to admit it, write the letter, and talk to adult in charge. Will he ever do it again? I don't know - I hope not. This is not the first time he has stolen, but it is the worst.
I just wish I knew what was going on with him and how we can help him. Is this really ADHD? Geeez. Happy Monday!
Jules