difficult child trying to make me cave

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lostmyson, Aug 4, 2014.

  1. lostmyson

    lostmyson Member

    Crying and threatening. Nowhere to go nobody cares. Would love to believe he would be different if we give him one more chance. Goodbye mom I am going to do it. Pathetic bummer posts on face book for everyone to see. Just can't open my home again. He has been back home several times to no avail. 22 now and no better off than graduating 4 years ago. So heartbreaking when he cries and begs. Has also tried threatening and bullying. Want so much for him to be OK. Afraid for him. Don't miss him. Just the boy I used to know. Drugs took him away. Nobody will hire. Another 4 years could go by and I am not getting any younger. My 5 year old daughter deserves better. So do I and husband
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Your son might be getting closer to hitting bottom. This is a good thing. Stick to your guns and let him fall. When he hits that wall you can offer him the names of places that he can go to for the help he needs. It has to come from him.

    I hate that even when they are not at home,they still have a way to suck us in. Try not to look at his face book tirades. I know that can be difficult. We want to know that they are still alive. Go do something nice for yourself or with your family. Chant the serenity prayer over and over.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry he is doing this to you, but try not to let him. He wants drugs. You know that. He is crying and begging because he needs money for them and if he came home he'd probably steal from you and/or abuse you and your little five year old doesn't need that in her environment. I would unfriend him. Why read his FB? If he is writing posts just to upset you, there is no point. Nor do you because you are also important. Your little one needs a sane, strong, healthy mother who looks after herself and does not try to change her oldest son who is now a man and will only change if he wants to change. On the street, everyone knows where to go for food, rest, help. It is a community. The only thing that he may not be able to get are drugs. And drugs are why he can't get a job...if he is even looking. Would you hire a young adult who couldn't pass a drug screen if you had a job to fill? Until he decides to quit, his life will be this way.

    I agree he sounds like he is hitting rock bottom. Crossing fingers, toes, and eyes...but try to focus on YOU today and stay away from Facebook. He is creating drama for you through his posts. He knows you read them. Nothing gained by being his captive audience. It just hurts you, doesn't help him. Is he calling you too? Texting? If it were me, I wouldn't answer other than to tell hm you will talk to him later, when he is sober, calm and pleasant. Then I'd stick to it. In fact, I did that with my 36 year old son. If he wants to talk to me, he has to talk to me the same way I do him. And he can't ask me for anything. I'll be happy to talk to him, but not if he is hysterical, threatening suicide, abusive and/or demanding of money or other comforts. Then I hang up and won't answer for a few days. He is much nicer these days.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    LMS, if he is willing to go to treatment, that is the only place I would be willing to take him. You'll find out real quick, once you pose that question, whether or not he truly is ready to change.

    Warm Hugs. I know how hard it is to hear them crying and to continually say no. It is almost more than we can bear. But until he gets professional help, it is likely that very little will change.
  5. lostmyson

    lostmyson Member

    The Facebook posts are more general for everybody but sad. The texts and calls I get went from threatening to now sad crying please help I miss you guys and have learned my lesson. So wish I could believe. Staying at buddy's ( junkie 2 years ago) grandmas. Says he is going to end it can't go on. problem can't afford even drugs. Have let him come home so many times. Always regret it. So sad and sickening.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Turn off your phone. He has a roof over his head. He has food. He has access to the internet. Stop torturing yourself.
  7. lostmyson

    lostmyson Member

    So afraid he wiil do something to himself. I would be hopeless too at this point
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Will he go to rehab? If he is so lost and sad, will he help himself? Things won't get better if he just comes home. He has to quit. Is he willing to do it? Did you ask him? I would take him to rehab, but not home.

    All of our kids are at risk for suicide, including our PCs. Kids who are near suicide normally just do it and don't announce it. I sadly know of a few teens who did it and everyone was shocked. They just did it...didn't warn anyone. It is a risk we all take just by loving others because that is something anyone can do. The last boy I heard about who did it was with his girlfriend the night before, happy and loving and said nothing about suicide. The next day he shot himself with his father's gun at home. He left no note, no explanation.His father, a cop, and his mother, a great stay at home mom with other well adjusted kids, are both devestated, of course.

    We can not control if our adult children will choose to do something final like that. It is not something we have control over. When my son threatens to commit suicide, I now just call 911. He doesn't do it anymore because calling 911 is the only thing I can do to try to keep him safe and he doesn't like it when I do that.
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2014