I have held back on saying this, but it is time. YOU are part of this problem. NOT the attendance, but the bullying. You ALLOW these people to bully you. It is time to start being assertive and STOP allowing yourself to be treated this way. Yes, you are ALLOWING it and you can STOP it. I know, because been there done that. It shocks people when you tell them to stop and to do their own jobs, but they STOP and then they see they cannot get away with it and they start doing what needs to be done. As long as you ALLOW this, they will NEVER give your daughter what she needs. NEVER. They will heap the blame on you and bully you and neglect what difficult child NEEDS.
In the future, when they start, ask if they have read and followed the IEP. When they say NO, ask them why not. DEMAND a reason, and inform them that the IEP is legally binding and they do not have the option to not follow it. Put them on the defensive and demand a reason why they refuse to follow the law and her iep. Don't give them the time to bully you or put you on the defensive.
To get ready to do this, write down the various things this principal said that put you on the defensive. Then write 3 things you SHOULD have replied to her to stop this koi and demand that she do what is required of her. WRITE your replies. Then REHEARSE some of them, like, "have you read her IEP? All of the information you need is there." "Why have you neglected to read the IEP before you call me with this nonsense?" etc...
Bullying isn't something that just happens to you. It is something you ALLOW, and that you can STOP. When you decide to stand up for yourself and your daughter, you will see some results from both the school and your daughter. in my opinion you NEED to get some help to figure out why you ALLOW this. Find a therapist who takes a sliding scale, or your insurance, or find a codependent anon group or NAMI group for those with bipolar/depression/mood disordrs. Some of this is part of that. But find SOME resource and start to develop some assertiveness and stop alloing all these different people to bully you and neglect your daughter.
I am sorry this sounds harsh. i have read your posts for a long time, and most of them center on this theme. Someone said something that upset you or refused to do what you wanted and you got upset and your feelings hurt and were in tears. You send that vibe out into the worl and you can change that vibe and get different treatment but YOU must work on it.
I dealt with LOTS of people who wanted to make me feel bad and to not follow Wiz' iep or treatment plan. Heck, the entire 4 mos Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital the frimpin' psychiatrist wanted me to just go away. He HATED parents with passion and was determined to NEVER speak to one. But he spoke to me, spoke RESPECTFULLY to me, and stopped playing games because I simply did not fall for them. HE made the only time he was available at all be at a 7 am meeting, I left hte house at 5:15 and got there (over an hour away). He made it six am, I left an hour earlier. I brought homemade muffins to that six am meeting, ones I baked at 3:30 am, to kill him with kindness. He refused to acknowledge me during a meeting, I stood up and started talking anyway. I was ALWAYS polite, had my parent report with me plus any resource material with me, and I insisted that he at least shut up so the staff could listen to me.
When the principal of themiddle school let the sp ed teacher drive my kid psychotic, I didn't back down and get too involved in helping him and let it slide. I found the PROOF of the altered iep, I spoke to the superintendent of schools cause the principal said he would have me arrested if I went on school grounds outside of my car. I even recorded the principal telling me that and played it for the superintendent.
You say you emailed to get an advocate and no one got back to you. Find their phone number, find the top dog of the organization, and call them. Be PERSISTENT and polite. If you let them not answer you, if you go away, you will NEVER get help. Keep emailing. email daily or 2 or 3 times daily. then call, and if they don't call back, call more. If you need to, go and visit them, just show up asking for help. Heck, when we needed a placement I went through 2 or 3 DAYS on the phone. I called every single pastor in my town asking who they thought cuold help us. Each one gave me a number of a place or person that MAYBE knew of a resource. In those 2 or 3 days (happened 3 times), I explained, begged, pleaded, even cried on the phone until someone somewhere gave me a lead. Each time I ended up finding something, though until that last phone call I truly thought I might fail. Sure, maybe people thought I was odd, so what? Sure, I told the story to a lot of people. So what? I got results because I spent HOURS each day on the phone. I called people at work, at home, at any number I could find.
This is what you NEED. You need an advocate, so start calling, emailing, etc... and when you don't get a reply, send another email, make another call. the ONLY way to get the resourcees you need, that difficult child needs, is to be the loudest, squeakingest wheel they have EVER heard.
You CAN do this, but you have to stop getting so upset and use the energy you waste on crying to fight for what your child needs. Ulcers are caused by bacteria and/or by medication. Stress does NOT cause them. So how your child got them was just the same way she got a cold, flu, or strep throat. She got an infection. or she was put on a medication that irritated her stomach and the doctor didn't realize it and rx medications to prevent it. PERIOD. You did NOT cause it, you COULD not cause it, and anyone who implies you did (like this principal) is just an uneducated idiot who needs to read the dang IEP. PERIOD.