I'm new to these forums and desperately need some insight. I have a 13 year old daughter with ADD. She was diagnosed when she was 7. We have had multiple behavior issues over the years as most of you are familiar with. Our major one of late is what is currently driving me batty. I really need some help with dealing with this.
Our daughter steals. At first it was the small things: nail polish, hair bows, small trinkets, etc. Then it moved on to pilfering the kitchen late and night and hiding sweets in her room, under her pillow or bed. She'd lie about it when we found stuff missing, but we always found her out. I even have picture evidence of some cookies she took. Now she is stealing money. It ranges anywhere from a couple dollars to a couple hundred. That last only happened once and we learned not to keep large amounts of cash in the house.
Lately she's taken to getting a few dollars from my wallet or taking laundry quarters. All because she wants to buy breakfast and lunch at school. While I don't have a problem with her eating at school, we can't afford for her to do it everyday. So I've set a rule that she eats breakfast at home and she packs a lunch to take with her. Eating breakfast at home is essential since she's a slow mover in the morning and won't get to school in time to eat let alone get to class on time.
We've been over so many times about not stealing and the consequences of what her actions are. For example, taking laundry money means we can't do several loads of laundry. With 5 people in the house, it's essential that laundry gets done. Taking money from our wallets is taking money that has been earmarked for other things, like bills, groceries, etc. This concept has been explained over and over and over again. We've tried every punishment we can think of. Grounding, taking priviledges away, taking special items away, etc. Nothing is getting through.
We tell her that she knows right from wrong and that she is old enough to make the choice to follow the rules. We explain that following the rules will lead to a happier home life and much less grounding, etc. I don't know if she is just buckling under peer pressure or what. I'm really at a loss as to why she does this or how to go about getting her to learn from her mistakes and not repeat this behavior again. I'm really tired of the stealing and I'm really tired of trying to drill the concept that stealing is wrong into her head.
How can I make this lesson stick without having to hit my head against a brick wall time and time again???
Thanks for listening and any advice you can give.
Janice
32, mom of 3
California
Our daughter steals. At first it was the small things: nail polish, hair bows, small trinkets, etc. Then it moved on to pilfering the kitchen late and night and hiding sweets in her room, under her pillow or bed. She'd lie about it when we found stuff missing, but we always found her out. I even have picture evidence of some cookies she took. Now she is stealing money. It ranges anywhere from a couple dollars to a couple hundred. That last only happened once and we learned not to keep large amounts of cash in the house.
Lately she's taken to getting a few dollars from my wallet or taking laundry quarters. All because she wants to buy breakfast and lunch at school. While I don't have a problem with her eating at school, we can't afford for her to do it everyday. So I've set a rule that she eats breakfast at home and she packs a lunch to take with her. Eating breakfast at home is essential since she's a slow mover in the morning and won't get to school in time to eat let alone get to class on time.
We've been over so many times about not stealing and the consequences of what her actions are. For example, taking laundry money means we can't do several loads of laundry. With 5 people in the house, it's essential that laundry gets done. Taking money from our wallets is taking money that has been earmarked for other things, like bills, groceries, etc. This concept has been explained over and over and over again. We've tried every punishment we can think of. Grounding, taking priviledges away, taking special items away, etc. Nothing is getting through.
We tell her that she knows right from wrong and that she is old enough to make the choice to follow the rules. We explain that following the rules will lead to a happier home life and much less grounding, etc. I don't know if she is just buckling under peer pressure or what. I'm really at a loss as to why she does this or how to go about getting her to learn from her mistakes and not repeat this behavior again. I'm really tired of the stealing and I'm really tired of trying to drill the concept that stealing is wrong into her head.
How can I make this lesson stick without having to hit my head against a brick wall time and time again???
Thanks for listening and any advice you can give.
Janice
32, mom of 3
California