Done

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    After getting lost in the country trying to find this place, I called them to get better directions than my gps and they told me they were getting difficult child next Monday. I was very confused and so were they. They said they called the jail yesterday and the jail said her paperwork said the 29th. But when I got there there were three ladies out front all talking about M and seemed kind of frantic so I asked what was going on and one lady introduced herself to me as the one I have been talking to and said she was off to get M! She said the jail had just called them asking where they were because they were supposed to pick her up. As I was talking to her, she said she was reviewing M's case and is absolutely shocked at how long they were able to hold her on the petty charges that she had. She said it was definitely God's work...I believe that, too. I don't think Connor was meant to go to rehab with her. I think that is why everything worked out the way it did.

    So, all is done. They have the car - they said they were accepting the car as payment for treatment (so I am not sure if she will be expected to pay more later or what, they didn't say that it covered a portion of treatment only that they were accepting it as payment) and that she would be on lockdown for 30 days. After her 30 days are up, I will get a phone call on the Thursday before visitation on Saturdays. Family counseling is directly after visitation which I definitely do plan on attending. I want to learn how not to enable her. I still want therapy on my own, though. I need someone to just purge on... :)

    When they got her, difficult child was able to send me a text thanking me for being her rock and that having even just a little hope for her meant a whole ton.

    So the rest is on her. This is her journey. But I am breathing a big sigh of relief and it is nice knowing she is exactly where she needs to be now... and it is SO nice not seeing that hunk of junk outside!!! :)
     
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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great PG! Do you kow how long the program is?
     
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    A minimum of one year :)
     
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  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Awesome! I am so glad she is there and Connor is safe with you. Enjoy your Holidays!
     
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Wonderful! Time to take a deep breath and focus on yourselves and the little guy.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Fantastic news. Now THIS will give her adequate time to heal and I have faith that she can do it. Meanwhile she is safe and Connor will really bring you much joy for Christmas. Enjoy!!!
     
  7. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I am happy that you are able to put this into place, knowing for sure where your daughter will be doing and having some home stability for both Connor and your family for a while. It is so great that she has been given this gift of getting her life together. A 1 year program sounds fantastic because it really gives the time necessary to pull her life together.
    :congrats:
     
  8. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    I am so happy for her...but more so for you! I'm sure you are so relieved and looking forward to a wonderful Christmas with your little ray of sunshine!!
     
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds like a Christmas miracle. I am so happy for you all.
    :christmasgift:
     
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    They had her call this morning to invite us to visit tomorrow between 1 and 3. I wasn't going to go but now I am thinking about it. I know she is dying to see her son.
    She sounded happy. I asked her how she was doing, she said good and then said she really liked it there. :) she said they told her that she came at a good time. Not sure what that means but I am happy that she likes it there... :)
     
  11. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Do you think that the baby is going to handle seeing his mother and then having to leave her? Will a visit set him back? I am not so concerned for your daughter as I am for the baby and for you.
     
  12. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Sorry my advice is to just say NO! difficult child needs to get used to you using this "NO" big word. I am assuming that you already have in place, plans that do not include her, since these events about her getting moved happened so late. I think asking you to drop everything so she can have a visit with her son is in fact telling her that you will continue to drop everything when she asks you to. Also DGS is not old enough to understand what "missing mommy" at Christmas means - to him it will just be a fun filled day, nothing "different". Start this new direction in her life, by not being pushed into last minute choices because of her requests. I am sure she will be shocked when you say no AND I think that is exactly where you want her to start out in this new program - understanding that things "at home", people, places, things, responsibility (or lack there of) and such are not going to be the same anymore. She will have next Christmas, when she has earned the right back, to be with her son. If it were me I would at least give her being in the program 30 days - she needs to know that this new program must be taken seriously and no matter how she tries to guilt you, manipulate or use you - you are no longer there for her or DGS to be used. If she can Skype, maybe I would allow a few minutes of that depending on how you feel about giving into her needs. (This is not about Connor's needs at all, he is too young)
     
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I need to be clear - she knew we weren't coming and didn't try to guilt or manipulate at all. When I said no, she said she understood - she just wanted to call.
    You are right, I am going right back to the same pattern of wanting to throw all my support her way when she is doing the right thing. It has always done more harm than good..
    I did plan on taking him to see her after her 30 days...I hope it doesn't set him back but I don't want to keep him from her if she earned the visit...the ideal outcome is that she graduates from the program and becomes a mother again...
     
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  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    As for plans, no. We don't do anything for the holidays other than hang around the house. We used to go to a movie but can't do that with a toddler. We have no family down here so holidays are just another day here...
     
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    It will be fun watching Connor open presents though. But yes, I think we will wait until she had been there 30 days before we visit...
     
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  16. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think in 30 days is much more reasonable. It will still be difficult for the baby, but reunification is the ultimate goal.
     
  17. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    PG I think you have a wonderful plan. I know difficult child is dying to see Connor but I think it is probably a good idea to wait until she has earned it at 30 days.
     
  18. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    I'm late in the game here but figured I'd share my 2 cents anyway.

    Our GS is a little older than Connor so there had to be a little more explaining with him. All along we've told him mommy was sick and that she's with "with the doctor" getting better. We took him to see her for the 1st time around the same time she hit 30 days. husband called her within earshot of GS and told her to "ask the doctor" if she could come outside for a few minutes. GS's initial reaction was happy to see her, then ran and hid behind husband. I started playing a game with him (chasing him around the yard) and after he relaxed some I told difficult child to jump in and take over. They enjoyed about 20 minutes of playing and then she had to go back in with doctor...that was mid October.

    He didn't see her again till Christmas day. difficult child came to our house. We predetermined what time she was to be there and for how long. He didn't know she was coming. He was really happy to see her. They opened gifts and played and had a little quiet time together. Those 2 hours were for them to spend and we kind of stayed out of the way but never left the room. It went well and again, when it was time for her to leave, she told him she needed to go back to the doctor's house. He said goodbye and that was it. No tears, no drama.

    I think the separation (and the length of separation) gave him the opportunity to realize the new normal. He's a happy kid and he's happy being with us without the stress that he lived with when difficult child was around.

    I hope Connor makes out just as well when the time comes.

    Hugs!
     
  19. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    husband and I had to follow our hearts this Christmas. We received a letter that she wrote from jail after she knew she was going to rehab but before she actually left. It was open and honest and you could read her excitement that she was getting help and going to get her life on track. It got to husband's heart and since it has already been two months since she saw him, we both agreed that I should bring Connor to see her for Christmas. Rehab let her call on Christmas morning and she was having a hard time as I can imagine. So I told her it was a good thing that Connor and I were coming to see her that afternoon. :) She was so elated and crying that she couldn't talk which actually made husband tear up.

    The visit actually went really well. He was looking at her strangely at first but then he warmed up and they played, cuddled, kissed and hugged. He stroked her har. It was really nice to see. We got to visit for two hours in the cafeteria. And when it came time to leave, Connor just waved bye bye and blew her kisses. She kept it together until we left and then she turned away to lose it so Connor wouldn't see her.

    This place is SOOO amazing. VERY strict, but like one night they took them on a field trip to this town called Helen where they walked around. And then on Christmas eve, they gave them Christmas money and took them Christmas shopping! She was able to get Connor a stuffed Minion toy and a blanket. Christmas eve night she spent the night on the couch at Granny's. Now Granny is the woman who started the ministry. It all started by Granny taking in this woman and letting her stay on her couch after getting out of jail and has grown into this rehab commune. difficult child says miracles are being done there every day and there are talks of opening another dorm. :) So husband wonders if it is part of the tradition that the new women stay the night on Granny's couch? Not sure, not questioning it. She has really taken to Granny - difficult child loves being around older people.

    So things are good. difficult child is very happy there, which helps and will help her stay and work the program. :) After three more weeks, we will have visitation every other Saturday followed by family counseling. After 6 family counseling sessions, she will get a 7 hour pass to be with us. And husband and I have agreed that we will support her while she is in there doing the next right thing...

    Happy holidays everyone!!
     
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  20. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    That is wonderful news, PG! Christmas miracles do happen!!
     
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