ex-husband and diet/medications

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lettersville, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. lettersville

    lettersville New Member

    Hello all it has been a very long time since I was last on here. I have missed so much but I am back.

    I have a problem, My difficult child daughter was diagnosed with ADD,ADHD and ODD with speach and learning delays starting at 2.5 years old. She has been on the same medication regiment (other than increased doses as needed) of concerta and an all natural/organic diet since she was 4. Of course I have tried to change things over the years but always fell back to this as an all over best for us route. Okay here is the problem; I got a divorce from her dad about 18 months ago. Ever since that time when she goes there(SC, I live in TN) she is told how the medication she takes is **** and doesn't do anything and how she doesn't need it. She just turned 12 this month and has to take it upon herself to make sure she takes it while she is there. of course due to ADD she forgets often. This isn't the half of it. The diet she is on has been as consistent as I can get with a preteen that goes to public school and friends houses. All her friends do the best they can and she knows to read the labels to things but I know there are things that she just doesn't think about or refuses to adhear to now and then. But when she goes to her dads he tells her it is a bunch of bull and hands her a glass of red koolaid. From what her siblings tell me she is loud and annoying the whole time she is there, and they hate being around her. But her dad says he doesn't see a difference, she only spends typically a week there and when she comes home we are working hard to detox because school is ready to chuck her out the door until she can get a grip.
    Finally after a bunch of frustration over this kinda stuff I took him to court. The lawyers and judge said that it was uncharted territory for them but if a DR prescribed any medications or diets for the kids he must follow it to the best of his ability. Now I am working hard at finding a DR who will do so for me. Has been just going to the pediatrician since all has been working well for the last few years.
    This whole this has presented more than just a control issue with the ex, it has made my daughter confused. Is mom lying to me about needing medications, can I eat the same foods as everyone else and my mom just wont let me, My mom doesn't think I'm capable of knowing what is okay but my dad does. etc
    As she is entering into her young teens and I am trying hard to get her and the other kids to have respect for their bodies by way of good health but it is very hard when you are being under minded and and can't disprove that eating total junk for a week is not for anyone. Saying that I am not saying that a trip to Mcdonalds or a pizza night is something I fuss over I am more talking about soda being the only drink for 7 days straight and candy the main food source and not eatting till after noon when she woke up and had medications at 7am etc.

    SO any advice as to what to do would be helpful.
    What I have done;
    searched out different mental health doctors.
    looked for lawyers that know more about disabilities
    written letters reminding ex or past history of health

    Thank you
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    A pediatrician or psychiatrist is likely to prescribe the medications, but a nutritionist, DAN doctor or developmental pediatrician would more likely be a professional who is more interested in your difficult child's eating habits. So you may need to get two different professionals on board to help cover your bases.

    You may need to get a therapist to work with your daughter so she is on board with taking care of her own mental health needs.

    Good luck!
  3. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    My guess is that both sides can find experts to validate their own arguments. A protracted battle in court won't solve difficult child's issues.

    I would venture to guess that the easiest way to solve this long term is to sort out what may possibly be mutual animosity between parents.

    As a parent of a difficult child I know how important structure is and how bad it is to change it. I can also see why a person who isn't into natural foods could miscontrue your strict expectations as a control issue as well.

    Since you are divorced it is easy to understand a lack of communication. What matters is stability in your difficult child's life not battling it out to see who is right.