Ex Thinks He Can "Fix" difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Stella Johnson, Jul 9, 2007.

  1. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Just when I think nothing more stupid or moronic can come out of that man's mouth... he tops it.

    Saturday I allowed him to take difficult child to the mall for his 2 hour visit. Those who may not remember he has supervised visits 2 times per month. He is not a parent figure now, never was in the past, and if I can help it, never will be.

    My mother went with them. difficult child was being her normal self when she is around him. She demands he buy her things because that is the relationship he established with her a couple of years ago when he "reappeared".

    He told my mother that he thinks he should be able to keep difficult child for longer periods of time so that he can "Discipline her correctly". :nonono:

    I know what his idea of discipline is. He beat his two sons with a belt their entire lives. He through a chair at one of them and busted his head open. Their family doctor lied to CPS as to how it happened to keep ex out of jail.

    So in the end... over my dead body will he ever "discipline" her. :grrr:

    Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.

  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad his visits are supervised! Hugs.
  3. IMSnoopee

    IMSnoopee New Member

    Well, he's just ridiculous!

    I am not advocating for this, because this was just for my situation only, but my ex used to always tell me what a bad mother I was; the kids' behavior, their school work, housework, paying MY bills on time, etc. Not to mention complain all the time about the child support.

    Finally I had enough of his balogna and called him on it. I told him since he had all the answers, he could move in, I'd move out and I'd pay him child support. So we did it.

    I moved close by, paid him child support (on time every month), and took the kids as often as I could. I also talked to them daily.

    Well, wouldn't you know it, but by six months he couldn't do it anymore! I definately moved back into the house and out he went. But now he does NO complaining about my parenting, how my house looks, or the child support. He actually compliments me and tells his buddies that I am 'kicking blank'.

    Like I said, I don't recommend doing this yourself. I had great confidence that he'd bow out. :wink:
  4. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Well, I can top your story - dex told me that Danny will only straighten up if I died - boys you know take the loss of their mother very hard and usually end up getting their act together after their death.

    Gee dex - think I will look around for some other options before settling on that particular one, but thanks for the thought.

    What is it with males thinking a good beating is all that is needed?????

  5. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I think that does top this one. What a moron :rofl:

    I still remember in the last custody battle that he started when we had to go through the social study.

    He told the social worker that difficult child didn't need medications she just needed more discipline and to live with him and his "Stable" wife in their trailer in Oklahoma. His wife has a rap sheet about 3 pages long for everything from drugs to theft. He's an ex junky who lived on the streets for years after our divorce. Now he's a car salesman. :crazy2: Boy I really know how to pick em. :hammer:

    The social worker did not look pleased and her report to the judge completely slammed him for everything and anything he did in those interviews. It was hilarious. I should frame that report and put it up in the formal living room so he can see it when he walks in. :smile:

  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Men are logical in their thinking process. Not that they are always smart, but I mean they think based on logic as opposed to emotion. It is in their nature to want to fix. I'm not saying that this is true across the board, but by and large, men are the fixers and women are the nurturers. Guys don't like a lot of talk, they don't like dealing with feelings, emotions scare them, they were taught from an early age to be tough, and all that gets carried into adulthood.

    My DEX told me once, if you have a problem, and you just want to vent, go tell a friend. If you have a problem, and you want it fixed, come to me.

    Oh, and they have no patience for any long-haul reparations. They want it fixed, they want it fixed NOW.

    Darn men. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.
  7. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Well, technically you can shoot 'em, just don't get caught...LOL.

    I like the ex moving in idea. Do you think my husband now would mind?
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Some men are great. They make up for the idiots.

    My sister was struggling to keep a tidy house with two kids under three years old. Her husband would come home from work and expect a meal on the table and the kids to be clean and tidy with toys all put away. By the time the older one was in school and the younger one was three years old, my sister had had enough.
    "OK, Mr Perfect, you can take over. You quit your job and stay home while I go back to work."

    So they did. Because she had a uni degree her job brought in much more money than his. He was a handyman; she was an accountant. She just WAITED for him to fall on his face.

    But he didn't. Every day she would come home to happy, clean, tidy kids, a clean house and dinner cooked and on the table. And he was more relaxed and happier.

    So they stayed that way. Once the younger one was in school he got a part-time job as a janitor at the local school, which he loved. I remember how cranky he used to be when he worked full-time - once he quit and became house-parent, he's become fun, relaxed, easy to get on with and feels fulfilled.

    Now they're both retired, he's enjoying his grandchildren.

    So sometimes, handing the man the mop and the homework books can backfire. If you can call it backfiring.

  9. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I had the overwhelming need to "fix" difficult child way back when. Then quickly realized that he doesn't need fixing...I needed "tweaking". Had to learn a different way of handling him. Out of the main. husband .. well, forget that. Just wish I had support.
    Some of those comments seem familiar, from what I hear from people who have the perfect kids. Who have absolutely no idea how hard our days are.

    I grew up in a house where it was just like "archie bunker". dinner on the table, house clean. We were not involved in community activities, just went with the flow. however family wise, we had a summer home, paper route in the summer, and we delivered on motorcycle. If they didn't like us riding on their lawn to get them the paper...then they could drive to town to get one. Very few objected. In the winter we would go up north snow skiing. Back then it just was something we did. Didn't appreciate how nice we had it. Wonder if difficult child will appreciate all we do someday???