Family mtng at psychiatric hospital and date night

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Sorry I didn't post an update yesterday, it was a looong day and Friday is my night out with SO. We go out to dinner at Outback every Friday night, and have been doing it for so long it is like visiting friends. The owner, head manager and our server all come sit with us, and we usually end up spending 2 or 3 hours there, its a welcome break from every day life. To top it off, our server is in college majoring in Psychology LOL I call him our server because he is the only one that waits on us, he impressed us that much. Poor kid is permanently closing on Friday nights because we will go someplace else or the manager will wait our table if he isn't there. We had a couple bad servers there and made some noise about it.

    OK, on to the important stuff. Bio-dad and his SO didn't call me back about the meeting at the psychiatric hospital, and didn't show up. They have some other stuff going on in their lives and I understand that, but I still think they could have at least called. My SO got a friend to cover at work for him so he could be there. We spent about 45 minutes with the therapist before they brought difficult child J in. About another 45 minutes with him in the room. Didn't really learn anything new, got updates on how he is doing, SO brought up something that happened the first day he was there, that I didn't tell you guys about so here that is... We left the psychiatric hospital after admitting him at almost 10 PM. I hadn't taken any clothes or anything with us, hadn't really thought about it, wasn't sure he would be admitted. My SO left for work early the next morning to take him clothes, dropped them off on the ward at 7 AM When difficult child called me that night at 6:30 PM, he asked me why I didn't bring him clothes. I told him that SO had brought them that morning he said "No he didn't." I asked him what he was wearing, and he told me his clothes from the day before. Now, difficult child has an issue with his clothes being dirty. He will change clothes 4 or 5 times a day sometimes if he thinks he is dirty. His hands face and feet can be filthy, but he hates dirty clothes. Him wearing clothes he wore the day before was a major factor in him being "shy and withdrawn" (according to the nurse I spoke to) I spoke to the staff about it, and they told me that they had had a very busy day with 2 discharges and 2 new admissions, and that he would have his clothes in time for his shower and bed. I wasn't going to bring it up again at the meeting, figured difficult child wasn't stressing about it anymore and that maybe it was just an oversight on the part of the staff. SO brought it up during the meeting, and the therapist was very upset about it. Especially when we explained to her difficult child's aversion to clothes he felt were "dirty". She said she would speak to the staff about it because it was inexcusable for a child to spend 2 days in the same clothes. I told her that if I sent difficult child to school in the same clothes 2 days in a row, I'd have CPS crawling up my behind. She agreed with that.

    We asked about his psychiatric evaluation, and were told the psychiatrist had ordered one and that I needed to fill out a picture. (Some kind of true/false personality test). We talked with difficult child about ways to deal with his anger without hurting people.

    All in all, it didn't really tell us anything new, but we are on the right track I think. When it was time to leave difficult child got very upset, and they had to pry him off of me again, and I left to the sounds of him screaming for me again. That is so hard... I feel horrible when it happens.

    I went back later after lunch and filled out the picture. When I was finished, I could see difficult child through a small window in his group, playing. We was laughing and having fun, so when they asked if I wanted to see him, I said yes, but it will just upset him again, and he is having fun. So I left without really "seeing" him.

    When he called last night, we talked about him playing, and I told him I had seen him having fun. He asked how, and I told him that when I came back to do the paperwork, I saw him through the window, but that he was having fun so I left. He said that was OK because he would see me Saturday. WOO HOO... A tiny bit or progress?? He also said that as for visiting, tomorrow (Saturday) was a yes, the next day (Sunday) was a yes, the next day (Monday) was no, and the next day (Tuesday) was a yes. So obviously someone sat him down and explained the visitation to him so that he understands. So now hopefully I won't get the "You didn't come see me because you didn't want to" conversation anymore. We had a good talk, talked about possibly getting a trampoline next spring, that his new goggles for his dirt bike had come in and that I had picked them up, about what they have been feeding him.. the chicken nuggets were a hit, the stuffed shells were not LOL All in all, it was a good conversation, and he hung up without begging me to come get him.

    Bio-dad finally called last night, after I left a nasty message on his answering machine about visitation this weekend, and how if he didn't call me he wouldn't be able to see difficult child. I had already decided that I would take bio-dad and his SO off the list if he didn't call me last night. He and So are supposed to meet me this evening so they can follow me to the psychiatric hospital. If they don't show up, I will be taking them off the list. I don't need this **** on top of everything else. Bio-dad is also supposed to come pick up easy child 1 and easy child 2 Sunday for his regular visit with them. We'll see, I don't have high hopes for that. He has let me and them down too many times.

    Hope everyone has a good weekend, and thanks for the support and advice and mostly for "listening"

  2. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    OHHH I forgot to add, difficult child D turned 18 yesterday.... so now he is an adult HS drop out with no skills... and no job hopes. He put in applications at a bunch of the local fast food places last week, and no one has called yet :(
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jan, that's a great update. I am so glad he's making progress and that you were able to observe him playing and having fun. I know how that puts your mind at ease. I, too, was surprised at how quickly our difficult child learned the psychiatric hospital rules and how calm and happy he was.
    I hope they are able to help your son.
    So sorry about the dirty clothes. Wow. That stinks. (Sorry about the dble entendre!).
    And I'm really sorry about biodad. You have good reason to take them off the list. (Maybe permanently!)
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Man, I would have been furious about the dirty clothes, esp if that was one of my child's triggers. Glad SO brought it up. Your SO seems like a really great guy, really supportive through all this.

    It is good that difficult child understands the schedule. I am sorry there is so much conflama when you leave, it must be really really hard for you. Usually though the kids are fine with-in 20-30 minutes of a parent leaving, IF it takes that long. I am glad you got the form filled out and got to see him playing and having fun. Often our kids flourish in the tight structure and supervision of the psychiatric hospital.

    What plans does difficult child D have, now that he is an adult? YOU don't have to house him, support him, or deal with any of his gfgness if you don't want to. I just noticed he lives with your mom, so I guess it is mostly her problem, though you worry like the dickens (believe me, I KNOW).

    Anyway, I hope you had a good dinner at Outback. And a great date with your SO. It is good that you have reg date night.
  5. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Thanks guys! I feel better about him being there now, especially since I saw him obviously having fun. We'll see how it goes tonight when I leave. We also explained to him that the psychiatrist has to be the one that says when it is time for him to go home, and SO told him that he needs to talk to the psychiatrist and the staff about how he feels so that maybe he can get home sooner.

    As for difficult child D.... he wants to go to Wyotech in either Daytona FL or someplace in CA for motorcycle repair. I told him and my mom when he dropped out that I wasn't going to set up him getting his GED, that he needed to take responsibility for that. I'm not sure what he is going to do about a job and stuff. My mom took him 2 years ago, and I have left her to deal with most of his GFGness. She wanted him, told me it was my fault he acts the way he does, so its all on her now. I worry about him, but I tried my best. He does come here alot for gas money for his bike, but I have pretty much cut him off except for gas to put in applications. I put the insurance and the license plates on the bike for his 18th birthday. I also wouldn't cut short my date with SO last night to bring him home from the football game. He did find other transportation. (He can't ride the motorcycle after dark as he only has his permit). I have already started trying to "detach" from him... he made his own decisions and I did all I could to get him on the right track. He has actually matured alot in the past few months, but he still has a long way to go.

    My SO.. well that is a story in itself. He is the kindest, most patient man I have ever met. He loves my kids and treats them like they were his own, he works 92 hours a week, 7 days a week most of the time, so that the kids don't go without. He also treats Moonwolf and Moe like his kids, because I consider them mine. His kids are grown, 26 and 28 now and we have our first grandchild, she turned a year old this month. His son (26) is still a difficult child, but has cut us out of his life because SO stopped the handouts, and the bailouts. I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate him or how much he means to me. I still can't believe that he is so committed to me and my kids, even with both the difficult child's and the easy child problems. A lessor man would have run screaming by now, especially since he raised his kids, and should now be enjoying grandchildren. His ex-wife left him and the kids when they were barely in elementary school, so he was a single dad with no help from her. To take on another family now says a lot about him I think, especially a family with difficult children. Have you realized yet that I love him and he is my rock? :) I honestly don't know where I would be without him.

    We had a good date, we talked alot about difficult child J, but still enjoyed ourselves. Richard (our server) knew we were having problems with difficult child J so we told him about difficult child J being in the psychiatric hospital. He sat down beside me and gave me a big hug and told me how sorry he was that it had come to this and that I did the right thing. He is an awesome young man, and I'll miss him if he ever leaves Outback. We have already talked about "what if" he leaves, and plan to keep in touch by phone and stuff. He actually sits and talks to us about stuff going on in his life, so this isn't the usual customer/server relationship LOL I don't make friends easily so when I find a new one I tend to try to keep them. I have very few "friends", a lot of acquaintances, but only a couple people I consider true friends. Those I do have I cherish and would do anything for, just like my family.

    Ok, I've babbled long enough, sorry. It's easy to talk here, because I don't worry so much about getting judged by you all.

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Jan, your SO does sound like a sweetheart. That is so neat. And great about Outback and your personal server. :) Way To Go.
  7. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Jan-Sounds like progress is being made by all. Don't know if you are still reading this post so I will PM you.