feel so out of touch

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Apr 23, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    difficult child and I just do not get along. I feel as I am the bad guy all the time because I am the one who has to ask/tell to do anything, or not do anything. husband always says, ask mom. I have said forever, "why ask mom". Still, ask mom. difficult child just has me second guessing everything. Back to square one. I don't want to wake up and face the day. Don't want to work, don't want to even go outside anymore. Friday's phone call from school, I tried talking to difficult child and he refused to speak to me and refused to go to class. I left message with husband, told him to call school. He did, difficult child went to class.??? difficult child comes home like nothing happened. Is it just me? husband acted like nothing happened. Nobody wants to bring it up, it might get difficult child angry or set him off, so all is avoided. sorry...I cannot deal with this. What did I do that made him like this? What makes him think the way he does, or say the things he does? Will medications help him at all? or am I just trying to fix something that doesn't need fixing? Am I messing him up? Puberty??? I mention the word and he runs away and locks himself in his room. easy child just grew up and was fine, never saw any frustrations, moodiness, nothing. So, what am I looking for? What age? Because he had advanced a grade, most kids in his grade are bigger than he is.
    I am just so sad. Seeing him sad breaks my heart, but being in the same room makes me so angry. I miss him when i am not near him, and am so angry with him when i am. We just cannot find that common ground anymore.
  2. ROE

    ROE New Member

    I know what it feels like to be "the bad guy" all of the time. Have you talked to husband about how you feel? It's important for you to be on the same page-perhaps compromising will bring you both to that point.

    Regarding the incident at school on Friday, I wouldn't stay focused on difficult child's "nothing happened" attitude. I think that is a common response with difficult child's. While it's important, to redirect negative behavior there's no sense in beating a dead horse either. When something like this happens, I would address it, but tread lightly. Chances are difficult child already heard numerous lectures from school, and husband. By the time difficult child got home-the subject is old-and already forgotten about. If you feel it's a situation that he should be disciplined for, talk to husband about it, decide on an appropriate consequence and implement it. It never did me any good to address a particular incident over and over. Once my difficult child suffered the consequence (sometimes it was only the natural consequence and not an additional one) of his inappropriate actions, it's over-time to move on.

    Try not to blame yourself for difficult child's actions. You sound like a parent who is constantly trying to do the right thing. By now you know that difficult child's and easy child's are not wired the same. What worked for one is not necessarily going to work for the other. You question whether medications will help your difficult child. I see that he is taking several. What was he like without the medications? and there is your answer. medications., like therapy, are a tool not a cure.

    While your difficult child is intellectually advanced, emmotionally he's still 12. My difficult child is 16, maturity,which seems to be coming slowly but surely, has brought about some positive changes. Hang in there your difficult child has a lot of growing up to do yet.

    I've responded to a few of your posts now. You sound understandably frustrated, and depressed. Do you think your AD needs to be adjusted? I hope I didn't just step over the line. I am not implying that all the things that are going on in your life are not legitmate reasons to be frustrated and depressed. I know how hard it is parent a difficult child especially when you feel this way. I've been there too.

    Be good to yourself. Make some time and do something just for you.

    Take care.
  3. oceans

    oceans New Member

    Have you ever heard of Byron Katie?


    The work she does is pretty amazing. There are short videos to watch on her web site. She has a book called loving what is. I listened to the book on CD and it is very good.

    This is also interesting. Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg


    I am taking a mindfulness based stress reduction program which is offered at many big Universities, and that is helping me.

    You can also email these people and they will give you names of people in your area who are trained in collaborative problem solving.


    I find that it is important to work on myself, and also to work on communication skills in relating to individuals in my family. What would help is to find something that you like, and that you feel comfortable doing... and read about it, find a book on CD to listen to, or find someone who you can actually make an appointment with who can work with you.