Feeling a bit overwhelmed

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Oct 18, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I found out last week that the nursing home we have my mom on the list for basically blew some smoke up my a--, er, hiney, in regards to the process of transferring her from the PA nursing home to up here into the CT nursing home. Back in the Spring, well, almost last winter for crying out loud, the Director of the home here in CT told us to go ahead and process the application for Title 19 (medicaid) in PA since my mom had residency there and that when she had a bed open up the process of transferring mom up here would be a snap, a phone call and then we pick her up and bring her in. Well, I called the CT home last week because I hadn't heard anything in a while (mom was #4 on the list in July) - (surely a bed should have opened up by now!). Anyway, the Director then sucker punched me by asking if we'd submitted our Title 19 app in CT yet. WHAT?! She told us we wouldn't have to do that. She told us that she would only need to exchange paperwork with the PA home and make some phone calls. She LIED to us. After I caught my breath and hung up with her, I thought to myself, "Was I on crack or something?" so I called my sister who met with this woman with me not once, not twice, but FOUR times to go over everything and make sure we knew what we were doing. My sister was flabbergasted and stunned just as I was and confirmed to me that she had the very same understanding as I and that this Director completely did wrong by us.

    If we had known back in June that we'd have to re-apply for Title 19 in CT, we would have never even bothered with placing Mom in PA. We would have just kept her here in CT until the bed opened up and did the entire app process up here. I am so angry and now I don't even know if I trust this Director to place mom with her anyway. There is another home we liked so we're going to check it out this week, but we are going to meet the Director who screwed us anyway just so we can ask her - WTH?

    The stipulations involved with applying here in CT are also wacky. They won't process the application unless we cancel Mom's Title 19 in PA and if we don't have the guarantee of a bed within 30 days of submitting the app, they close the file and deny the app. How the heck are we supposed to cancel the PA medicaid without being certain she will get it in CT and how can anyone guarantee that a bed will open up within 30 days of submitting the app? I mean, really, why doesn't anyone give a rat's a--, hiney, about the aged in this country?

    Obviously, this matter is the most stressful right now, but you know, the other daily matters can be the things that just put you over the edge, you know?

    Having easy child back home is not in and of itself overwhelming - just want to clarify that. However, it is a slight added stressed even under the best conditions and so far we're still okay. She's being good and helpful. We celebrated difficult child's 21st birthday last night with dinner at the Cheesecake Factory - yum. I order something small to keep the bill down, easy child orders something small to keep the bill down. H goes over my head and invited difficult child's boyfriend and the two of them order the Steak dinners. Then we all get dessert - which was stupid because they are huge and anyway, the bill ends up being $200. OMG. I was paying and you'd think that H would offer to help kick in a little but nope. He didn't. Then yesterday he complained because I asked him to give easy child $20 to help with the groceries he asked her to pick up for him - complaining so much that he started picking on me about not helping him pay for the ongoing addition on our home. I'm excited about the addition, but HE wanted the addition. And I would gladly contribute money for the addition, but I don't have any extra income. Every single time I get ahead by a few bucks, something comes up and I'm wiped out again. I pay for all the little stupid stuff that H apparently doesn't realize adds up. Anyway, the added financial BS at this time is not welcome or appreciated. This is BIG birthday season for us - difficult child, easy child and H, along with other family members, followed very closely by Christmas makes for a very poor H&R, okay? Thank GOD the dogs are healthy, I don't think I could take that.

    On top of this, I was able to actually stop and notice that difficult child is the middle of a cycling - hanging in there, but struggling a bit. She's a wee bit manic and mean right now. Unfortunately, she's also depressed, so she's not washing properly. Her face looks dirty and ruddy and her hair greasy. I can usually ignore it but easy child's been complaining to me about it, which only makes me notice it more. Poor difficult child also is still waiting to get her period, which she hasn't had in over 18 months due to the depo shot, which she disconinued 6 months ago. So, she's got this ongoing pms thing, which I truly believe indicates hormonal imbalances since difficult child was around 10 years old, really. It makes complete sense.

    And then there is me. I work full time, I go to school part time and I've been sick with a chest infection for about 3 weeks now. It's not going away! I have another Dr appointment tomorrow. On top of that, work has been stressful with my assistant being out for 10 weeks - still trying to find our groove now that she's returned and we're entering into the year end mess which entails holiday gifts and newsletters, end of year billing and health insurance renewals.

    Not to mention all the traveling back and forth to PA I do at least once a month. It's a huge expense to stay at a hotel and the gas, etc, every time I go to PA to see my mom.

    There is just so much going on all at once, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I would like a vacation please.

    Well, I have to get going on that Title 19 application this week - that place in PA is not so great and we want my Mom up here!

    Thanks for listening.
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I have no advice. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry all of this is going on at once. I hope that you are able to get the situation with the nursing home straightened out. It's infuriating when you know that you were told one thing and all of the sudden it's a completely different story.

  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hang in there Jo! Your health should come first and foremost -- get thee to a doctor this week, or you're going to end up flat on your back. And THEN how much will you get done?

    One. Day. At. A. Time. Put one foot in front of the other. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    You'll get through this... (((Hugs)))
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and lots of extra strength.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I hope doctor gives you a good strong antibiotic and good medications for your cough. Having been there done that, trust me you don't want it going into pneumonia. It seems that when we're physically down......the whole world piles up on us. (well maybe that's mostly just me lol )

    Take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time. Make sure to sneak in plenty of rest. Yeah, I know that's really hard to do, but you need it to get well. An hour nap is better than no nap. Know what I mean??

    Don't know about transferring a patient from a nursing home from one state to another........all I know is that husband's bro considered it and after sister in law looked into it they nixed the idea. I figured they had good reasons. Especially since handling the financial end of things long distance was a hassle for them.

    I had to laugh the other day. Nichole said to me, "Mom, God must really have something awesome for you to do on the other side.........cuz he just keeps throwing all these super big tests at you on this side." Then she said maybe He's searching for a replacement. lol Told her I wouldn't take His job for nothing!!! So he could stop the testing and I'd be happy. lol

    Sometimes that kid really makes me wonder, I swear. ;)

    Try not to over stress about the nursing home issue.......... Again I know it's not easy to do but it will work itself out eventually.

    Now YOU take care of YOU.......then you can worry about the other junk without being quite so overwhelmed.

    (((hugs))) Hope you feel better soon. *gives you a bowl of chicken soup, big fluffy pillow, a warm throw, and orders you to bed*
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thank you. I think I may have just needed a good cry over the matters concerning my mom. As I sat at the kitchen table organizing all the papers and venting my frustrations to H last night, I fell apart. They were definitely tears of anger more than sadness! Anyway, I zipped through the application and separated what I will need to copy. I'm taking that to work with me today so I can make copies there.

    I barely touched my HW before falling asleep! I'll have to squeeze that in sometime today as it's due tonight at midnight-gotta love online time stamping! I have my other class tonite, but I did the reading for that weeks ago.

    Sigh, I just didn't want to face the day today, but one foot in front of the other, right?

    Lisa, my dr treated me for pneumonia and today is my last day of medications. I see him at noon, I'm very interested in what he suggests now. I don't think I can continue on the prednisone-it makes me nuts and I continuously sweat, agh.

    Thanks again. This too shall pass and I try to be thankful more than ever when I feel like this. ♥
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2010
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry, Jo. I know you will push through and get it all done. But, it stinks having to be so stressed out.

  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Aw Jo, you have so much going on. I am praying that are able to find time to decompress. Keep taking care of you. I love you! ML
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Jo I hope you're getting plenty of rest. *taps foot* And I hope you're starting to feel a bit better.

  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks ladies. I'm feeling better. The medications the Dr gave me didn't clear things up so I'm on something new-fingers crossed. My sister and I are meeting with the nursing homes here next week to determine the likelihood of a bed opening up soon-fingers crossed again!

    I passed my midterm with an 88, so at least that's behind me!
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2010
  11. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    congrats on passing your midterms!!!!

    Hope the new treatments will help your chest issues.

    Hang in there Jo!

  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Congrats on passing the mid-terms!! Not easy to do when you're sick with a ton of other stuff going on, I know. Hope you're able to get the nursing home junk sorted out in the meeting. So glad medications are working and you're feeling better.:D