Feeling helpless

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TearyEyed, Aug 1, 2014.

  1. TearyEyed

    TearyEyed Member

    Hello All,

    I am still reading all of your posts everyday. I dont post that often but gather strength from all of you here. My son called me the other day from some random number. He told me about how dangerous his situation is, there are people after him, etc. He is homeless, has no phone, nothing but the clothes on his back. I have given him every opportunity for help. But nothing has worked. I hear from him every couple of weeks or so. I think the less I hear from him the better. The things he told me when he called have me in a state of complete paralysis. He was beaten with a tire iron, he stabbed someone, the police are looking for him, he doesnt know what to do and on and on. Like with every conversation we have, I tell him that he has a list of resources where he can get help and that I love him but that it is up to him to take the right action. Then, I made the mistake yesterday of doing an internet search. Found out he had been arrested last week for shoplifting. His mugshot made me sick. He doesnt even look like my son anymore. Thin, dead eyes, hollow. I am a mess. I dont know how to continue to detach while he is off roaming the streets, doing drugs and putting himself in such peril. Part of me knows there is nothing I can do, its up to him. But part of me feels desperate to do SOMETHING to help. Do any of you know anything about getting guardianship of a young adult? He is 19. If I did that, than maybe I could force him to get help. Aside from that I cant think of anything else that I can do except watch him continue to watch him spiral downward.

    Wow. This is SO painful.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Boy, Teareyed, you're right in the middle of it all aren't you? I am so so sorry. I know how hard it is. You're doing the right thing in my opinion. And, it's the hardest thing any of us will ever do.

    I do not know anything about what I think is called conservatorship. Here is an article you might be interested in:


    Your son is too old for guardianship, that ends at 18.

    Have you contacted NAMI? The National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have great courses for us, the parents. You can access them online and they have many chapters all over. You will need support and guidance. A good book is the Unquiet Mind, about bi-polar.

    I think the best thing you can do is find as much support as you can for YOU right now. Contact NAMI and read books and get counseling of some kind so you can find your center, your calm place inside and begin to make choices out of that place. You're in fear now, which is totally understandable, but it is not a good place to make choices out of. Make you the priority, focus on your needs now and when you are in a good place, you can make good choices.

    I'm so sorry, this is devastating for us parents. I understand that. The helplessness and powerlessness is almost unbearable. Give your son over to your perception of a Higher Power, we mortals don't know how to handle this..........pray for your son, say the serenity prayer..........get yourself to a 12 step meeting or a counselor as quickly as you can so you can find solace and compassion and empathy for YOU, you need that now...........sending you lots of warm thoughts and hugs..........
  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Teary eyed, I am so sorry. I so understand. You are exactly right...the more we know, the harder it is. We cannot imagine their bottom because ours would have been so much higher we believe.

    I know you are in pain right now. Your son is in a better place today as you know instead of on the street. In jail he will have a bed, three meals and a chance to dry out.

    Lean into that today. Be reassured at least for today that this is a time out for you both.

    Just for today take care of you. Do at least one nice thing for yourself. Remember this acronym: HALT. Stands for hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Take your own "pulse" periodically and if you are experiencing any of these four states, stop what you are doing and take care of that first.

    Again I am so sorry about your precious son. I am praying that this is a restorative break for him and something new happens from here.

    Please keep posting. We are here for you.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Hopefully he will be put in jail for an extended period of time. He will be off his drug of choice, and perhaps he will be able to examine where his life is headed and really want to make some positive changes.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I know how badly you are hurting. I have been there. My daughter had me convinced there were gang members after her. She told me there were bullets whizzing by her head. I was terrified. I went so far as to go to the FBI office to beg for help.

    Looking back, I don't think any of it was true. I think she thinks it was true, but I think it was meth induced psychosis. :( But man alive, she had me SO convinced.

    Hopefully his bottom is coming...