Forced to travel with G'sfg...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totoro, Mar 20, 2007.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well my father in law's "surprise" 60th Birthday party is the first week of April... (his real b-day was in Jan) So we tried to get out of it... it is in Chicago. This is basically the one thing "I" could do that would really ruin the relationship between mother in law and us. SO we are forced to go, despite both of our chldren being very unstable right now.

    I wrote to my mother in law and let her know I was doing everything I could to get difficult child stable prior to the party so we could make it, but if all else failed, maybe easy child and husband could go as a last resort? I also asked her that since the kids are so volatile could we say we were seeing our psychiatrist the day of the party and stay at thier house and show up a day early? There is no way we could fly across country and go to a party the same evening without a manic episode or psychotic blowup!!!
    She would not even aknowledge the subject of husband and easy child showing, merely said well I really was hoping for the girl's to show up at the party and surprise Grandpa... but I guess this will have to do.

    WTF!!! Am I making this a big deal??? I would have thought a "Gee thanks for the fricken effort, I know this is going to be tough on you guy's I am just glad you are coming"... Nothing
    And now she is trying to plan all this stuff while we are there, like the girls will ride some stupid cart that she bought him into the huge party and present it to him... I was thinking poor difficult child is so anxious right now and will be on sensory overload, I don't want to put any demands on her... If it happens great, but mother in law will be all over her pushing her...
    So I "ordered" husband to talk to his Mother this week while he is home... He agrees with me, somewhat. Of course he hates being in the middle, but his mom and I can no longer talk really about this stuff. SHe freaks out and I get pissed.

    The only good part is we are leaving from there house in Chi. and going to check out some warm weather in Tucson for a few days after at their house. They have begged us to use it for a few years and we are going to finally.

    I just wanted to show up to this party and try to have a good time and try to help the kids stay stable... is that to much to ask. She claims she gets it...she is also trying to make plans for a big Easter... I already warned her for the hundredth time about the sugar and dyes...
    Sorry I guess I needed to vent...
    On the other hand difficult child is doing OK on Abilify... we are doing 1mg in am and 2mg in pm. Moving up real slow and then we will add a mood stabilizer.
    Thanks for listening
  2. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    We just returned from a trip to MA from TX with our difficult child. It was horrid. He behaved sooooo badly. He's defiant, jealous, argumentive, etc. I hated it and I can certainly sympathize.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    After a point it became too much for us to travel, yet alone expose the tweedles & my family to each other.

    I hated missing family celebrations.

    Sending you very understanding ((((hugs))))
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear.
    Hey, first of all, you do what you have to do. No explanations.

    I always give myself a buffer, and that was b4 the kids were born! When we flew to MN for my f-i-l's memorial svc, it didn't take place until Sun. but in fact, since the kids had winter break, we flew up 3 days ahead of time. Turned out that we spent several hrs on the tarmac and everyone had a meltdown, adults included! :eek: We got in late at night, were starving and cranky, and wasted an entire day traveling. I was so glad I'd built in an extra day!
    I never travel the same day as the event. And I'm supposedly "normal." :wink:

    Stick to your gut and stick to your guns.

    And have a good time.

    It's an invitation, not a prison sentence. :smirk:

    Good luck!
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Boy I feel for you. It would be hard enough to get easy child kids at 2 and 5 to fly in and surprise Grandpa on the same day and then to expect them to perform like trained monkeys to boot? Oh that is asking for trouble.

    If you want some seasoned parenting is my 2 cents. I would get there in advance and get a motel...preferably one with two a suite if you can afford one. Stay a night or two in advance of the party so the kids have time to acclimate themselves to having arrived. Destress so to speak. Calm down, play at a park, normal eating and reading and nap times. Maybe see some small thing that they would like to see. Then talk about the party and seeing Grandpa and the guests. Make sure you have an escape plan if needed. Maybe you and husband can take two cars or one of the aunts or uncles can lend you one if needed.

    Good luck.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I wish we could stay at a hotel... this is part of the problem. easy child/difficult child 2 has started showing the same signs that difficult child 1 did at the same age which one of them was, that everytime we went somewhere...i.e. hotel... she does not sleep... we tried it again over Christmas nearby to see the lights and santa. easy child was up all night quite manic... we ended up having to put on celebrity poker on the TV!!! To try and bore her to sleep... 4 am she finally did. We have tried suites etc. Nothing works... So at least if we are at the in-laws we can take turns with her and one of us can get away... This is part of the reason we have not gone anywhere in so long.
    As for the rest of the relatives... none of them get it because it is a short weekend we will play the part and get out of dodge and to Tucson to try and relax... they have a pool and difficult child has been trying so hard lately she needs a break from winter and stress also.

    I know this is going to suck!!! But I am doing this for my husband and the kids relationship with their grandparents. I am hoping this will be it for a LONG TIME!!! I feel I have done my duty... ha ha
    thanks for the understanding it makes me feel better.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I really feel for you honey. I dont suppose benedryl helps at all? Much as I hate to admit this to the world at large, I was not above sedating mine with benedryl on I would have never been able to move my kids across the state alone without the aide of that wonder drug when they were two and four.

    Bad Mommy...bad bad bad.
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Janet my pediatrician is all about sedation and we have emergency valium for difficult child for mania and rages or night terrors. Well pediatrician. said get the script refilled and do not travel without it!!!

    I know bad Mommy... but after I was the Mommy on the plane once with the kid who was having a psychotic episode... spitting, bitting, hitting, screaming etc. I have big fear of that happening again, they almost kicked us off and they were not very nice to us nor understanding.

    Who doesn't understand a psychotic child... what's wrong with a little manic breakdown on an airplane!!! LOL the poor passengers looked like they just wanted off the darn thing... of course the stupid thing was already delayed and it had nothing to do with difficult child.

  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm all for a hotel when visiting extended family. That gives you breathing room plus a place for a parent to stay behind with a difficult child if they can't handle the crowd. We also have split parents if one child can't sleep at night and taken them down to the dining area (we usually stay in places where there are continental breakfast dining areas which are open all of the time). Family didn't care for the arrangement at first but they've come to accept it and now understand why we do it. difficult child having a total irrational meltdown at their house one year and hitting a beloved grandchild helped my cause. :wink:

    Have you tried Melatonin? How about Benedryl? I just had a friend who's pediatrician recommended B. and suggested the starting dose for sleep problems.
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    When we first started traveling with tweedles dee & dum we used a prescribed sedative. I felt absolutely no guilt - no one was traumatized & we came out the other end sane (or as sane as you can be with twin difficult children). :smile:
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I can see the logic in this. I would go insane with-o sleep. Go for it!
  12. Kylesmylife

    Kylesmylife New Member

    I feel for you so much. We went to OK last month to see my brother graduate from BTC, (Army) We are still feeling the waves from that one. Next month K grandma from his dads side comes to visit. We are not telling him until she is here.

    You know what is best for your family and when is a good or bad time to do something like this.

    Big hugs your way.
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    husband is having dinner with his parents tonite... he is going to try and let them know how difficult child is doing and how poorly she and difficult child 2 are doing... he is going to then try and sneak his Mom aside and explain to her once again to please back off, with the itinerary...Please just let us show up and try to blend in for once. That way we can sneak off if either one is getting amped.

    husband was trying to explain to his Stepdad just yesterday how we have had to change the medications and are now trying Abilify, all about how it is going OK but she will still need a Mood stabilizer and she is still very up and down all day... He looks at it like well just go find a doctor that can figure out which medications to give her. There must be a doctor out there who knows what they are doing... you just give them the "correct" medicine and they are better!!!
    This is a man who is on prozac, and sleeps as much as possible, eats to fill his anxiety and can barely stand to be in any social situation... but his medications work... he's fine. He won't even discuss his issues. The whole freaking family is on something or raging alcholics and noone will talk about it... (my daughter's issues are all from my side)!!! Whatever, I will take it.
    But I love my husband for trying to make it better... and I know the girls need some family, I have none...that will act normal for 2 seconds or that I trust!!!
    I hope mother in law will just relax a bit...
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    But I love my husband for trying to make it better

    Oh, Totoro, there IS a silver lining!