Frustrated

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by HaoZi, May 24, 2011.

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  1. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Kiddo's been having a lot of issues at school lately, seems over and above her usual spring spazzing. Already mentioned it last week along with how it put my job at risk. So yesterday, as per note, I get a call - Kiddo is at the police station, pick her up there, she's suspended until a case conference.
    Great.
    Luckily there's a special place here for suspended kids that they go and do their work and it doesn't count as a day missed.
    Had a message today on the conference schedule. Thursday, in another town, an hour before I get off work. Umm.... not happening. I have to pick up Kiddo half an hour after I get off work, and an hour and a half after that she has to be at her therapist's office here. She's had a standing Thursday appointment at the same time since the beginning of the school year, this is well known. I'm beginning to wonder if she'll be back at school this year at all at this rate.

    I'm in major shut down mode at this point. Kiddo has been okay at home and was fine in the alt school today. We'll see how she does rest of the week, but I'm really starting to wonder if the trigger she's hitting is something only at school right now.
     
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs:

    No advice, just sending good thoughts your way. And Kiddo's too.
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Fairly high chance, on several fronts... some of these kids are beyond-adult-experts in reading body language and social cues while being way behind in knowing what to do with all this info. They KNOW when a teacher or administrator has it in for them, or doesn't believe they need the supports, or subtly works against... their REACTIONS may be wrong, but their reading is right.

    Its also the end of the year. I think we should go back to the good old days of 6 months of school... well, OK, even 7.5 would be tolerable. But 10??? Burnout time.
     
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're having such a hard time of it, HaoZi.
    What does your daughter say the trouble is?
     
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Assignments that are "too boring" or that she doesn't fully understand and won't ask for extra help to understand the directions. Not that's she been perfect at home, but it's all been age-typical stuff with none of the throwing things.
     
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    HaoZi,

    there's a pretty good chance you've hit the nail on the head. I know, at least for my difficult child, experiences at school in general were triggers. I can't list all the situations that triggered his anxiety or frustration or raging - never knew which of three were going to be a reaction.

    The combo of the difficult child spring/end of the year thing and issues at school could very well be the cocktail that is setting her off.

    Have you sat down and talked with her about what is going on? Does she have any input into why she's not handling things? You know, when my difficult child was pretty young, 2nd grade, we started this nightly ritual of "how was your day?" It was a quiet time where I would either sit or lay on his bed after "lights out" and we would share the events of our day. He was relaxed. Talking about school experiences didn't make him upset at that point because it was far removed in his mind.

    I learned so much during those "no judgement", relaxed conversations. I learned that he understood, so much more than I ever imagined, what obstacles he was dealing with and how hard he wanted to be the same as everyone else. He and I did this from second half of 2nd grade through 7th grade! Sometimes I even wish for those quiet, close times! But at 15.5, it's not happening with a boy!

    It was easy to gently encourage or give a lesson in that very relaxed situation.

    I tell you this for two reasons. First, it's a suggestion about a good time to bond with your kids and second, to illustrate that our kids know a whole lot more about what is going on than I think we give them credit for. We just have to provide an environment where they feel comfortable sharing.

    Sorry that things are so difficult trying to juggle the job and difficult child's needs. I hope you are able to work things out with school and change that conference.

    Hugs,
    Sharon
     
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    She's been specific about what assignments set her off. Once she's calm she can tell you exactly what she did wrong, and most times she can tell you other ways she could have handled it or prevented it. The problem is that in the moment all that knowledge flies out of her head. I think her emotional regulation is closer to that of a toddler than her chronological age, and the more frustrated/upset/angry she is, the more she gears towards emotion instead of intellect. She says she doesn't know the signs that she's working up to that, even though everyone has been working on anger management (including recognizing the signs) with her.
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh no! I am so sorry!

    Great explanation by her and you about what is triggering this. I think all of our kids are behind, emotionally, and it is SO hard, because they look normal on the outside ;) and some of the teachers don't "get it."
    How frustrating. I agree.

    Fingers crossed for the rest of the school year.
     
  9. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    wasnt it your kiddo that recently started abilify?

    (if it wasnt yours, sorry in advance!!)

    one of the things we see with abilify is a 2-3 month honeymoon before we have to titrate up. i'm not sure why, and if thats actually *it* (tween hormones factor in here too)
    but it seems to use we go up, things are good, and then by that 2month mark we are starting to see the depression/frustration stuff break through.

    mine started at 1mg, then 2, then 5, then 7.5, then 10 and now 15 and finally we are now into the 4th month with maybe a meltdown here and there (specific triggers with school, she's an over-reactor with poor coping skills, but honestly, i could see how she'd reached the breaking point during these meltdows--HUGE for her). so for the first time we "held" at 15mg. in our case, it could also have been as simple as the dramatic weight changes since starting abilify--she gained more than 35lbs over the course, so it stands to reason she'd need more as she "grew". (or, of course, that could have zero to do with anything)

    i dont know if that is what you see, and your kiddo is on other medications so it the dynamic is completely different and they might level her out, but since mine is only doing abilify, it was pretty easy to see the pattern. technically, the "add on" abilify level is low--1-2mg, so keep that in mind too...it might be worth asking what the expectation *is* for abilify since she's on the other stuff--if she's at a low dose, that could be why.

    her psychiatrist, who is either a genious or a complete nut, is comfortable going the distance to 30 if need be, and strongly feels that we need to do that before we move on, thinking that the breakthroughs might be because she just hasnt hit the theraputic level for her, Know what I mean?. ::cough:: and apparently he wasnt too wrong. (i hope, lol).

    just a thought.

    anyway, school can't end fast enough for everyone--not just the difficult child crowd!!
     
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I don't know where you work, but if your employer is large enough that you have FMLA protections, you might look into intermittent FMLA. Its covered my hind-end many times. I don't get paid when I'm not here for Wee-related stuff, but they can't can me for being out for Wee-related stuff, either.
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont have anymore actual kids but even for my granddaughter who is a pretty much easy child pre-schooler, she is hitting the wall right now. It has really been long enough. I noticed at her dance class on Monday night this week that she was tired and really just phoning her actions in. Normally she is peppy and loves being there but that day she wasnt even moving her arms very much. Im hoping she is more with it this afternoon because its the last class before the recital...sigh. The whole class is this way and I am betting her whole school classroom is this way.

    I am sure this is the time for end of grade testing so all the kids are maxing out too.
     
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This would be "classic" ADHD executive functions issues... Self-awareness, self-monitoring - what's THAT?

    And yet, they CAN learn - but someone has to find the consistency to the triggers, AND be able to see the build-up before the student does... which is why it really doesn't happen at home, because you figured out years ago how to recognize the "build-up"... but teachers don't see it at all.

    Is it really possible to be both ADHD and Aspie? We've been told "no"...
    As in:
    ADHD: Ready, Fire, Aim...
    Aspie: Ready, aim, aim, aim... maybe fire
     
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hate the end of the school years for difficult children. I have a wonderful class and they were a bit off today! It's the work thing that is so difficult. Sending gentle hugs your way.
     
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I've noticed similar things in every class I've been in the last couple of weeks. I think everybody's just had about enough of school this year, the teachers included.
     
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