K
Kjs
Guest
I would go fuming to the principals office. This type of thing could end up very tragic. Strict diet guidlines must be followed when there are allergic reactions. I'Learning Disability (LD) be in school first thing.
Fuming! LONG
- Thread starter AllStressedOut
- Start date
-
- Tags
- aggressive child
Marguerite
Active Member
This is serious. You need to be firm, calm and concise but also very determined.
CONCISE is important. Frankly, I do think a big problems is down to your communications being too complex and too long. Use the KISS principle.
Whenever I have a long communication to the school (or officialdom) I state in the first sentence what I want and how I want to get it. I try to keep it under a page. If I can't, I try to keep the information organised, set out in point form and where necessary, summarised again at the end. You can thank them for their assistance in advance but you need to emphasise - this is literally a matter of life and death. Also emphasise - failure to comply could leave them open to official enquiry.
Here is my suggestion (for future reference):
Dear Ms G,
I am informing you with this letter that difficult child is highly allergic to the following:
[then list them down the page].
In addition he has recently shown signs of reacting to a rage of other foodstuffs, contents still to be determined.
His reaction takes the form of [describe symptoms and signs] which have the potential with further exposures to turn into anaphylactic shock.
We are endeavouring to have this investigated by allergists at the earliest opportunity. In the meantime, we require the school to be vigilant to ensure he does not eat anything that has not been provided for him by us, his parents. Please be aware he will need supervision to ensure he does not sneak any forbidden foods. He is also not yet able to self-monitor, so do not rely on the child's own vigilance - it is nonexistent.
He does not have problems with eating nuts - please let me know if there is a 'no nuts' policy in place in this school.
Please ensure that the information in this letter is distributed to all who are likely to be in a position to need this information. Please also ensure copies of this letter are placed on his file, with the school nurse and with the school principal.
If you require any further information, do not hesitate to ask.
As more information comes to hand, we will keep you informed.
Thank you for your cooperation in this - our son's life could depend on your support and vigilance."
A lot of what you originally included sounded like diary entry chat and devalued your man message - as she probably glossed over the 'padding' she may also have glossed over the important stuff.
So you cut out the stuff she doesn't need to know, and put in just the vital signs. Think how a patient's chart looks in hospital - you go in to hospital, give your detailed history to whoever admits you, talk for what seems like hours, answer stacks of questions, but when you look at the chart on the end of the bed, where is all that information? It is there, in some form, but boiled down to the bare bones.
And when you have a problem, you then write to the school with:
"Dear Ms G,
I wrote to you on [put in date of original communication] in which I gave specific instruction that difficult child was not to be permitted any food other than what is sent from home. On [give date and brief summary]. I do understand that "accidents will happen", but I repeat what I said in my last communication - accidents like this put difficult child's life at risk.
I would like to meet with you at the earliest opportunity to discuss with you what we can put in place to prevent such incidents in the future."
The less writing there is on the page, the more the eye is drawn to the words. Therefore - the fewer the words, the greater their impact.
A lot of what you wrote - it's useful information for you and difficult child's doctors, but not for the teacher. All she needs to know is that this is life-threatening; the list of things to be avoided; the list of things still in question; you will provide snacks so please inform you when there is an extra need; please watch him because he will try to sneak the forbidden food.
I also agree, if you can teach him to guard against forbidden food and WORK WITH HIM to search out fun foods that he enjoys (such as maybe home-popped popcorn?) then maybe he will be less likely to complicate the picture by cheating. The best results come when you can count on the vigilance of the patient himself.
Marg
CONCISE is important. Frankly, I do think a big problems is down to your communications being too complex and too long. Use the KISS principle.
Whenever I have a long communication to the school (or officialdom) I state in the first sentence what I want and how I want to get it. I try to keep it under a page. If I can't, I try to keep the information organised, set out in point form and where necessary, summarised again at the end. You can thank them for their assistance in advance but you need to emphasise - this is literally a matter of life and death. Also emphasise - failure to comply could leave them open to official enquiry.
Here is my suggestion (for future reference):
Dear Ms G,
I am informing you with this letter that difficult child is highly allergic to the following:
[then list them down the page].
In addition he has recently shown signs of reacting to a rage of other foodstuffs, contents still to be determined.
His reaction takes the form of [describe symptoms and signs] which have the potential with further exposures to turn into anaphylactic shock.
We are endeavouring to have this investigated by allergists at the earliest opportunity. In the meantime, we require the school to be vigilant to ensure he does not eat anything that has not been provided for him by us, his parents. Please be aware he will need supervision to ensure he does not sneak any forbidden foods. He is also not yet able to self-monitor, so do not rely on the child's own vigilance - it is nonexistent.
He does not have problems with eating nuts - please let me know if there is a 'no nuts' policy in place in this school.
Please ensure that the information in this letter is distributed to all who are likely to be in a position to need this information. Please also ensure copies of this letter are placed on his file, with the school nurse and with the school principal.
If you require any further information, do not hesitate to ask.
As more information comes to hand, we will keep you informed.
Thank you for your cooperation in this - our son's life could depend on your support and vigilance."
A lot of what you originally included sounded like diary entry chat and devalued your man message - as she probably glossed over the 'padding' she may also have glossed over the important stuff.
So you cut out the stuff she doesn't need to know, and put in just the vital signs. Think how a patient's chart looks in hospital - you go in to hospital, give your detailed history to whoever admits you, talk for what seems like hours, answer stacks of questions, but when you look at the chart on the end of the bed, where is all that information? It is there, in some form, but boiled down to the bare bones.
And when you have a problem, you then write to the school with:
"Dear Ms G,
I wrote to you on [put in date of original communication] in which I gave specific instruction that difficult child was not to be permitted any food other than what is sent from home. On [give date and brief summary]. I do understand that "accidents will happen", but I repeat what I said in my last communication - accidents like this put difficult child's life at risk.
I would like to meet with you at the earliest opportunity to discuss with you what we can put in place to prevent such incidents in the future."
The less writing there is on the page, the more the eye is drawn to the words. Therefore - the fewer the words, the greater their impact.
A lot of what you wrote - it's useful information for you and difficult child's doctors, but not for the teacher. All she needs to know is that this is life-threatening; the list of things to be avoided; the list of things still in question; you will provide snacks so please inform you when there is an extra need; please watch him because he will try to sneak the forbidden food.
I also agree, if you can teach him to guard against forbidden food and WORK WITH HIM to search out fun foods that he enjoys (such as maybe home-popped popcorn?) then maybe he will be less likely to complicate the picture by cheating. The best results come when you can count on the vigilance of the patient himself.
Marg
Adding one more thing- We had a student with a peanut alllergy for 2 years in our class. We would make sure parents would only send in things without peanuts for the class. We also checked all labels ourselves, everything. We sent home a letter before every party, so parents knwew what we had to avoid. Once someone brought in cupcakes, we didn't have a label, so we sent the boy into another class-so he wouldn't feel bad, and he had snack with them. We were extremely dilligent, we had to be. Any teacher can be this dilligent, it doesn't take much. Also, we had a meeting with the nurse-every single teacher that came into comtact with him- music teacher, etc...on the dangers, and what to do IF, we were given a certificate, it was a 1 hour training course. The school, NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING NOW.-Alyssa
AllStressedOut
New Member
Well, hes puffy. So I went ahead and gave him benadryl and I emailed the teacher as well. I just sent her this:
"I gave him benadryl this morning for the puffiness. I also sent a very plain lunch to be sure that our scheduled change in his diet doesn't aggravate the problem any further. His diet change has been in place for more than a week, so I do not believe this is what is causing the puffiness and upset stomach reaction. He has a doctor appointment today and will be leaving around 1130-1145."
The diet change this week was adding additional wheat, he was already on 1 serving a day, but I have been letting him have bread for sandwiches and last week I made him a special bread as a snack that took all week to finish. Since he's been on wheat the whole time, I don't believe more wheat created puffiness today.
I'm still peeved this morning.
Marg, normally I would agree that you need to be clear and concise, but thats the route I tried last year. And last year was a nightmare. I made enemies in some teachers in less than 1 month. So this year I tried to be nice and fluffy as far as putting in words that really aren't needed as well as describe in detail what happens to him if he gets food he's allergic to. So far, neither approach has worked in our school district. Even though we transferred schools, our files went with us along with his previous 504. I was even told this by the nurse and older sons teacher. I'm at a loss now as to which is best, because so far, neither have worked for me.
"I gave him benadryl this morning for the puffiness. I also sent a very plain lunch to be sure that our scheduled change in his diet doesn't aggravate the problem any further. His diet change has been in place for more than a week, so I do not believe this is what is causing the puffiness and upset stomach reaction. He has a doctor appointment today and will be leaving around 1130-1145."
The diet change this week was adding additional wheat, he was already on 1 serving a day, but I have been letting him have bread for sandwiches and last week I made him a special bread as a snack that took all week to finish. Since he's been on wheat the whole time, I don't believe more wheat created puffiness today.
I'm still peeved this morning.
Marg, normally I would agree that you need to be clear and concise, but thats the route I tried last year. And last year was a nightmare. I made enemies in some teachers in less than 1 month. So this year I tried to be nice and fluffy as far as putting in words that really aren't needed as well as describe in detail what happens to him if he gets food he's allergic to. So far, neither approach has worked in our school district. Even though we transferred schools, our files went with us along with his previous 504. I was even told this by the nurse and older sons teacher. I'm at a loss now as to which is best, because so far, neither have worked for me.
Marguerite
Active Member
I understand your need to be fluffy - I've done it too. It is so frustrating!
Given a choice - forget fluffy, at least to a large extent. As things currently stand, this year's teacher COULD try to argue that it was hard to find the specific information in everything else. You DID tell her, but she could argue she didn't have time to fully take on board a longer letter with vital information smuggled in between apparent 'news'.
You don't want them to have ANY wiggle room here. Last year's teachers who got their backs up - they were even more wrong. You were giving them vital information, in writing. Unless your tone was so terse as to be offensive, they had NOTHING to object to. And by being so touchy about it, they have pushed you into communicating in a far less effective way, in your bending over backwards to not offend.
I'd talk to the school. Especially if they use the argument I just mentioned (I hope they don't but I'm concerned they might), tell them that you were trying to inform them without causing any offence, after last year's school got uppity. But this is YOUR child, you MUST communicate effectively because this is literally vital. So ask them - what would they prefer? Polite and chatty? Or concise but terse? Whatever they say, make it clear that you WILL communicate, in writing, to make sure the information is there.
With the Communication Book we used for difficult child 3, I DID encourage a certain amount of 'fluff'. It did act as a social lubricant between me and the teachers. However, when things were really important, I was concise. I knew that they did tend to 'bleep' over a lot of the apparent irrelevancies I wrote, especially if they were busy, so when I HAD to make my point, I kept it short and to the point.
You're starting over in a new situation - it's really hard to get it right, because "right" depends so much on a lot of things you just don't know about the personalities in this new place.
Do not apologise to them for any of this. Don't even allow yourself to be tempted. They may try to make you feel guilty - don't wear ANY of it. If they try the guilt trip, or try to sidestep their responsibility, come right back to, "This is why we should have had that urgent 504 meeting I requested. It would have prevented so much of this. We now need to move beyond recriminations and get back on track for this child. Mistakes have been made - let's start afresh, all of us, and work as a team to sort out the problems for difficult child. If we work together it will make your job easier; it will make my job easier. It's got to help all of us."
I am wondering, though - a communication book may be a good way to work from here with the school (ask me, if you want more info on how it works). In which case, the 'fluff' level (I do like your description, by the way) can make communication friendlier.
I think last year's school really damaged your confidence as a parent with the right to be respected. Take it back - take back your rights and your confidence. You are a vital part of your son's Learning Team and the sooner the school accepts this, the better you will all get on and get by. Keep reminding them - you are vital to the Learning Team. School, community and family are all inextricably linked. Do not let them isolate you or devalue you.
I'm hoping this school will turn out to be different. They've SNAFU'd once; let's hope it was part of a steep learning curve. Here's hoping this scares them into paying closer attention. Give them another chance but watch them closely. As the old Arab saying goes, "Forgive the man who steals from you, but lock up your camels."
Marg
Given a choice - forget fluffy, at least to a large extent. As things currently stand, this year's teacher COULD try to argue that it was hard to find the specific information in everything else. You DID tell her, but she could argue she didn't have time to fully take on board a longer letter with vital information smuggled in between apparent 'news'.
You don't want them to have ANY wiggle room here. Last year's teachers who got their backs up - they were even more wrong. You were giving them vital information, in writing. Unless your tone was so terse as to be offensive, they had NOTHING to object to. And by being so touchy about it, they have pushed you into communicating in a far less effective way, in your bending over backwards to not offend.
I'd talk to the school. Especially if they use the argument I just mentioned (I hope they don't but I'm concerned they might), tell them that you were trying to inform them without causing any offence, after last year's school got uppity. But this is YOUR child, you MUST communicate effectively because this is literally vital. So ask them - what would they prefer? Polite and chatty? Or concise but terse? Whatever they say, make it clear that you WILL communicate, in writing, to make sure the information is there.
With the Communication Book we used for difficult child 3, I DID encourage a certain amount of 'fluff'. It did act as a social lubricant between me and the teachers. However, when things were really important, I was concise. I knew that they did tend to 'bleep' over a lot of the apparent irrelevancies I wrote, especially if they were busy, so when I HAD to make my point, I kept it short and to the point.
You're starting over in a new situation - it's really hard to get it right, because "right" depends so much on a lot of things you just don't know about the personalities in this new place.
Do not apologise to them for any of this. Don't even allow yourself to be tempted. They may try to make you feel guilty - don't wear ANY of it. If they try the guilt trip, or try to sidestep their responsibility, come right back to, "This is why we should have had that urgent 504 meeting I requested. It would have prevented so much of this. We now need to move beyond recriminations and get back on track for this child. Mistakes have been made - let's start afresh, all of us, and work as a team to sort out the problems for difficult child. If we work together it will make your job easier; it will make my job easier. It's got to help all of us."
I am wondering, though - a communication book may be a good way to work from here with the school (ask me, if you want more info on how it works). In which case, the 'fluff' level (I do like your description, by the way) can make communication friendlier.
I think last year's school really damaged your confidence as a parent with the right to be respected. Take it back - take back your rights and your confidence. You are a vital part of your son's Learning Team and the sooner the school accepts this, the better you will all get on and get by. Keep reminding them - you are vital to the Learning Team. School, community and family are all inextricably linked. Do not let them isolate you or devalue you.
I'm hoping this school will turn out to be different. They've SNAFU'd once; let's hope it was part of a steep learning curve. Here's hoping this scares them into paying closer attention. Give them another chance but watch them closely. As the old Arab saying goes, "Forgive the man who steals from you, but lock up your camels."
Marg
AllStressedOut
New Member
Well, I didn't get an email back from the teacher and I also left her a voice mail yesterday and no return call. So I emailed the nurse this morning and asked her to check on difficult child. Her reply was "Well, we're looking at his emergency form and it doesn't say he is allergic to anything." husband filled these out because I wasn't feeling well. I guess he just assumed that since he was 504, he didn't need to add this. I am soooo annoyed with him right now and he gave the school an out to this whole thing! What a dumb but*.
Marguerite
Active Member
The emergency forms might not say anything, but you sent other messages, including information dated AFTER husband filled out the forms, didn't you? I don't know the protocol for you, compared to our system, but you did try to tell them and it has backfired.
My recommendation - take it from here, tell them that this health situation is complex and you need a meting, ASAP, to ensure that you can all move from here into a productive partnership ensuring difficult child stays well.
Time to move beyond what went wrong, and into how to fix things from here.
To the school nurse: You say you didn't know? Well, you know now! Are the emergency forms now amended? If not, how soon can you fix this?
Good luck. Any thoughts towards home schooling?
Marg
My recommendation - take it from here, tell them that this health situation is complex and you need a meting, ASAP, to ensure that you can all move from here into a productive partnership ensuring difficult child stays well.
Time to move beyond what went wrong, and into how to fix things from here.
To the school nurse: You say you didn't know? Well, you know now! Are the emergency forms now amended? If not, how soon can you fix this?
Good luck. Any thoughts towards home schooling?
Marg
AllStressedOut
New Member
The summer is my least enjoyed time of the year. If I homeschooled my kids I would need to be the one on medication. LOL
My reply to her was that he is a 504 student because of his diet for his reactive hypoglycemia and that husband may have not thought he needed to add this to the forms as well. I tried to make light of it and said, "My husband can not always be left to his own devices." Then I let her know I usually fill the forms out, but I wasn't feeling well and he was trying to help out.
My email was before school started and the forms were filled out prior to this, but not brought to school until the first day. However, the teacher didn't even reply to my email until 2 days into school, so she read the information after the emergency forms were turned in and the night before she gave my son food.
When the nurse replies with an update on difficult children condition I'm going to ask if I need to come in and change the forms or if it she put it on there for me.
My reply to her was that he is a 504 student because of his diet for his reactive hypoglycemia and that husband may have not thought he needed to add this to the forms as well. I tried to make light of it and said, "My husband can not always be left to his own devices." Then I let her know I usually fill the forms out, but I wasn't feeling well and he was trying to help out.
My email was before school started and the forms were filled out prior to this, but not brought to school until the first day. However, the teacher didn't even reply to my email until 2 days into school, so she read the information after the emergency forms were turned in and the night before she gave my son food.
When the nurse replies with an update on difficult children condition I'm going to ask if I need to come in and change the forms or if it she put it on there for me.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
ASO, Ask the nurse for a meeting so that everyone is on the same page. Face to face. In addition to the epipen, your doctor should fill out a medication in school form allowing the nurse to administer benadryl in the event of a non-life threatening reaction. Duckie uses the dye-free elixir because the dyes can make some kids hyper and the elixir gets absorbed through the stomach quicker than the other forms.
AllStressedOut
New Member
His teacher just called me. She apologized profusely. She said that it completely slipped her mind because she was in the middle of a lesson plan and the boy whos birthday it is, brought 4 treats and she was trying to determine which he should be allowed to hand out. She said "You must have told the principal too." I told her I didn't tell the principal, I emailed her only and then when I didn't hear back from her, I asked the nurse to check on him. I told her I tried to be as vague as possible in my email to the nurse, because I wasn't out to get her in trouble, I just wanted to be sure he was okay. She seemed to understand and told me she didn't want us to get off on the wrong foot and I told her I didn't want that either. She said she is usually much more responsible than this. Anyways, long story short, I feel better. It doesn't seem like it will happen again and she is putting steps in place to be sure it doesn't happen if a substitute is present. Apparently the nurse told the principal. I've re-read my emails to the nurse and I did try to be as vague as possible as far as who gave it to him etc. I was straight forward about him not eating anything we don't send and what his possible allergic reactions could have been from.
Marguerite
Active Member
It does sound like a SNAFU which is now being sorted. Here's hoping the school this year turns out to be much better than last year. I'm glad the teacher rang.
Good luck with the meeting. I hope you can all be on the same page with keeping difficult child safe.
Marg
Good luck with the meeting. I hope you can all be on the same page with keeping difficult child safe.
Marg
