I have been totally neglecting my physical health in the last several years. Besides a trip to urgent care a few years ago for strept throat, I haven't been to see a regular doctor for a physical in five years. One reason is I always said I couldn't afford it. My money goes to all of our psychiatrist appointments and medications, so I don't have much left over after paying for all of that. Another reason is I absolutely totally hate my primary care doctor with a passion. I have had nothing but bad experiences with her every time I would pay her a visit. I know that's no excuse, as I could have called my insurance and requested to be assigned to someone else, but still I didn't go and have a check up. Lastly, I have been putting it off because I am terrified of regular doctors. psychiatrist appointments are different. I don't get weighed or get bloodwork when I see my psychiatrist. I am scared of regular doctors because I am afraid of finding out something bad. I know it makes no sense. If there were something physically wrong with me, like God forbid cancer, of course it would be imperative that I find out about it ASAP. There is no logic to my reasoning, and I realize that. Now I have run out of excuses. My group doctor's office called me a few months ago and told me that my doctor quit their practice, and I have been assigned somebody else. Thank God! Not only do I have a brand new doctor to encourage me to get my dreaded physical, but I have been having chest pains and pressure for the last month, and now I'm getting scared. These chest pains don't seem to be anxiety related. At least it's happening when I'm totally relaxed and not stressed out at all. These pains come and go, but when they happen they are uncomfortable to sometimes downright excrutiating. Last week I was at work browsing facebook at my computer, and suddenly it felt like someone tied a rope around my chest and was tightening it really hard. It also felt like a huge weight was sitting on top of my chest. Every so often I would get pain shooting down my left arm like a lightening bolt. This morning I woke up with a crushing pain in my chest. By the time I had gotten to work, the pain was gone. This has been happening to me for the last several weeks. I researched heart attacks online and found that a person can actually experience symptoms of an attack several weeks in advance. The pain they described was exactly like I have been having. They describe it like an elephant sitting on top of one's chest. Yep, that about covers it. So I made an appointment to see my brand new primary care doctor on Wednesday. I dread it but I know I have to force myself to go. I know I need bloodwork too, and I hate needles. I need my cholesterol and triglycerides checked since I've gained all this weight. I may even be pre diabetic and I don't know it. I know my doctor is going to give me crap about my weight. She is going to tell me I need to lose it for my health, yada yada yada, and I really don't want to hear a lecture. I am on weight watchers to lose the weight. But I guess I will endure a little lecturing for my health. But till the appointment I am going to have serious anxiety about it, so if you could all send good thoughts my way I'd appreciate it!