Got irritated tonite...sigh

[DammitJanet]

I have this friend that I talk to every so often online on AIM. Not much but sometimes. She irritated me tonite.

She found me tonite and wanted to just catch up and chat since it was close to Xmas and yada yada. She is one of those that always asks questions but when you start to reply, she bleeps in and goes...oh yeah...and its all about her again...ya know those folks? yeah...hate it but you just go along.

Well we were talking about weight issues and how I am just so frustrated. I think somewhere in there we started with talking about psychiatric medications and medications in general and how so many of them cause weight gain...and she was around all those years ago when I did lose some weight but I didnt keep it off and I was saying how I had this friend from this board who was going to give me this new eating plan she was on because she had dropped a whole lot of weight with the new plan.

Well...she started to tell me how she had dropped a bunch of weight not long after I had lost my weight by not eating dinner every night for a year. She ate whatever she wanted for breakfast and lunch but she just didnt eat dinner. I commented that I didnt think that would be very healthy to do long term and asked if she kept the weight off. Well...no she said, she didnt. I said...hmm..I didnt think it would be a thing you could stick to long term.

I said this plan my board friend is going to send me is a complete lifestyle change. I said I didnt know if I could do it but the one thing that did make sense to me was that she had given up all sugar and that was what I did when I lost all that weight before. I only started gaining back the weight when the sugar cravings came back with a vengeance. She kept telling me it wasnt that I gave up sugar it was that I was on diet pills. I was never on diet pills!

I got irritated. Its like I have to be the biggest loser. Ok...not in that sense...not like I actually lost more but that I am a loser. I cant do anything right on my own and she is better than me. She can do things better than me. She has more willpower than me.

Now I know why I dont talk to her much.

 

[gcvmom]

Some people just like to hear themselves talk, and when they seek others out, it's only as a sounding board and not for true communication. My sister in law#2 is like that. Which is why I limit my exposure to her as much as possible.

Best to just avoid toxic people like that, Janet. Don't let her get to you too much. Just because she's lonely doesn't mean you have to suffer the brunt of her self-absorption.

by the way, I think Star's diet/lifestyle plan is excellent. And maybe one day I'll get off my patootie and give it shot. I did something similar years ago and it worked very well for me. I kept the weight off for quite a while.. but then I got married, and well, that resulted in a slow but steady undoing of all the progress I'd made.

Maybe the no-sugar approach would be worth starting after the holidays are done? And if you can't make broad changes at first, be happy with just baby steps in the beginning. Sometimes that's easier and less overwhelming.

 

[DammitJanet]

After the holidays Im gonna be one crabby B! Im quiting smoking and I guess giving up sugar. Oh I should be such a sweetheart to be around!

I may have to up my medications and take away my posting ability!

 

[gcvmom]

Hey, don't knock the medication bump! It's made a huge difference for me lately. I've got tons more energy and my depression has really lifted. No way I could even attempt a diet or exercise change feeling the way I did before.

Good for you for trying to quit the smokes! I know it's very hard for some people to do, but the health benefits are worth it. Maybe you should just try working on the niccotine habit first, then go for the sugar habit later. Sometimes taking on too many changes is just too overwhelming and we end up right back where we started.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Janet, sorry that your conversation went that route.

Do you remember when I posted several years ago (2004) about having gastric bypass? I heard the stories of : diet pills, no carb diets, all protein diets, shake diets, starvation diets, soup diets, and on and on. I heard about miracles via Jenny Craig, specific workout videos, SlimFast, Herbal Magic etc. I heard and I heard and I heard. I was told that gastric bypass was easy (HA!) and that I'd just gain it all back and stretch my stomache back out again (impossible to stretch your stomache back, but you can slowly eat your way to a higher weight again if determined). All this was by "well meaning friends". In spite of me knowing not a soul who long term kept anything off without a balanced diet, moderation, exercise etc, I was told and told. Know what I mean???

I still to this day get snarky comments about how I've kept it off. It astounds me. I'm proud of my success. Surgery helped me get there, but so did a 100% lifestyle change. Completely foreign to me eating changes, elimination of so many foods and introduction of a whole new pattern of consumption and thinking. Mixed with a complete lifestyle change in terms of exercise.

I applaud you for your balanced approach and wish you the best of luck. Its such a difficult thing but worth it and it is doable. My advice is a realistic goal in a realistic time, if you fall behind - move forward again and dont' beat yourself up, celebrate each milestone and never ever let others talk you down, or out of your goals. You are a smart cookie. You know what needs to be done.

I'll throw a twinkie at your friend for ya

 

[Hound dog]

Now I know why I dont talk to her much.

Right on the nose.

In the past I seemed to have a knack for attracting these types. (haven't got a clue why) Used to drive me crazy. I still think that's why I have so few RL friends. But over the past several years once I see the signs someone is like this I go out of my way to avoid them. Friends support each other. It's a two way street.

Are you planning to try the chantix to quit smoking? If you do, don't be surprised if you're not quite ready to stop on their week target cuz alot of people aren't. I wasn't ready until almost 3 weeks then did well with it.

When I dropped my weight for the kidneys I reduced sugar. My doctor had me do alot of "what am I actually getting if I eat this?" thinking. With my kidney diet I'm supposed to have a calorie limit, but I also have ALOT of foods that I'm not supposed to eat. I actually ate a high carb (healthy carbs) diet with low protein and lost 20lbs the first 3 wks without trying. But because my diet is limited...there is alot of what am I getting out of this thinking going on. Like say a snickers bar vs a piece of fruit or a cheeseburger vs beans and rice nutrition/calorie wise.

I need to stick to my diet better, but it's hard because it's expensive to maintain and right now we're barely affording po' man's food. lol I say I reduced sugar cuz I couldn't get rid of it altogether. I had to have at least 1 cup of coffee with real sugar in it, then could manage following cups with splenda. No way am I eating ceral with splenda. ewwww!

You can do it one step at a time. And if you stumble, you just get up and get back on the right path.

Hugs

 

[flutterby]

Some people can't stand to see others succeed because it makes them feel like a loser, so to speak. They have to see themselves as better than someone else in order to feel good about themselves, so they keep knocking you down.

Don't let her make you feel bad about yourself. If she were a true friend, she would be supportive. Consider the source.

And, by the way, you are much braver than I.

 

[klmno]

She sounds like someone you could do without- especially if you're about to make a big change in your life. Good luck on quitting smoking at the same time- there's no way I'd try that- I don't think I would make it 3 days!

 

[hearts and roses]

Well, Janet, your 'friend' (and I use the term very loosely) sounds very much like my sister. She always manages to turn the conversation around to her, even when the situation is tragic. She has to the smartest and best and knows so much more than everyone else, the right way to do things, at the right time, in the right way. You, however, leave the visit feeling very small somehow, even though you are the better person for not having bored your friend to death and belittled her, correct?

My counselor told me that my sister's actions (like your friend's) stem from her own insecurities. I cannot for the life of me imagine what my sister could possibly be envious of in me or my life, but my counselor said that's what's up with her. So for every seemingly small success you have, your friend (and my sister) feels threatened and has to one-up you somehow by making your efforts seem small and meaningless.

My counselor told me to wean myself off the relationship with my sister and spend as little time with her as possible. Obviously, my sister is family so no time together is impossible, however, I do limit my alone time with her and that makes the times I am with her more bearable.

Best of luck - take care of you and work towards your personal goals at your own pace! ♥

 

[DammitJanet]

I think I am going to limit contact completely...lol.

 

[mstang67chic]

After the holidays Im gonna be one crabby B! Im quiting smoking and I guess giving up sugar. Oh I should be such a sweetheart to be around!

I may have to up my medications and take away my posting ability!

But maybe Billie will behave herself ORRRRRR you'll tell her to stuff it! Either way it's a good thing but personally I hope it's the second and you get it on video.

Good luck on it all though! You can do it!!! I know you are quite a bit younger than I am (cough) but if I can quit after 23 years, so can you!!!

 

[DammitJanet]

Ummmm....Stang....Im so not younger than you and I have been smoking since I was 15...lol. I did I have six year hiatus in there where I quit from 1990 to 1996 but started back like an idiot. Dumbest thing I ever did.