I think I hate my son...and I hate myself even more for even thinking it.
I'm a mother to two sons- a 9 year old and a 12 year old. Both boys are smart, creative, outgoing and independent, but my oldest is slowly destroying ourlives. He's been a terror his entire life- a difficult baby, a monstrous toddler, a spiteful, mean, violent, uncaring child. I understand that I sound like a horrible person...and I probably am for all the thoughts in my head.
I just don't know what to do anymore. We've done everything- autism testing when he was 2, I took him to a children's psychiatric ward when he was 4, in-home behavior intervention therapy until he was 5, hormone testing and counseling when he was 7, a special school when he was 8, psychiatric testing and more counseling when he was 9, another trip to the hospital when he was 10...a previously undisclosed ADHD diagnosis when he turned 12...more therapy...an IEP....and numerous calls to the police through all of this for behavior that is both violent and illegal.
He lies. He steals- he takes anything and everything he thinks he's entitled to...hundreds of dollars over the years stolen from me and my husband. He hurts his brother...maliciously destroys property, hits, kicks...choked him. He's set fires...thankfully nothing that's caused damage or injury. He killed a chicken at school once.... And he lies. And lies. And lies about it all. He's never done a single thing he's been accused of...even when we have video evidence.
And through it all, I've become a person that I hate. I can't even live with myself. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm bitter...I scream....so loud...so, so loud. I've thrown things. I've slapped him. I've become this horrible person that's destroying my family...my marriage...my children. I just want it all to stop but I can't find a way out. I can't live like this for the next 6 years...I don't think I'm strong enough.
And my 9 year old...he suffers so much. He shouldn't be growing up like this. I see the pain and sadness in his eyes every day and it just breaks me even more.
I'm sorry.
I'm a mother to two sons- a 9 year old and a 12 year old. Both boys are smart, creative, outgoing and independent, but my oldest is slowly destroying ourlives. He's been a terror his entire life- a difficult baby, a monstrous toddler, a spiteful, mean, violent, uncaring child. I understand that I sound like a horrible person...and I probably am for all the thoughts in my head.
I just don't know what to do anymore. We've done everything- autism testing when he was 2, I took him to a children's psychiatric ward when he was 4, in-home behavior intervention therapy until he was 5, hormone testing and counseling when he was 7, a special school when he was 8, psychiatric testing and more counseling when he was 9, another trip to the hospital when he was 10...a previously undisclosed ADHD diagnosis when he turned 12...more therapy...an IEP....and numerous calls to the police through all of this for behavior that is both violent and illegal.
He lies. He steals- he takes anything and everything he thinks he's entitled to...hundreds of dollars over the years stolen from me and my husband. He hurts his brother...maliciously destroys property, hits, kicks...choked him. He's set fires...thankfully nothing that's caused damage or injury. He killed a chicken at school once.... And he lies. And lies. And lies about it all. He's never done a single thing he's been accused of...even when we have video evidence.
And through it all, I've become a person that I hate. I can't even live with myself. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm bitter...I scream....so loud...so, so loud. I've thrown things. I've slapped him. I've become this horrible person that's destroying my family...my marriage...my children. I just want it all to stop but I can't find a way out. I can't live like this for the next 6 years...I don't think I'm strong enough.
And my 9 year old...he suffers so much. He shouldn't be growing up like this. I see the pain and sadness in his eyes every day and it just breaks me even more.
I'm sorry.