Having a hard time letting go of anger

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Dec 13, 2011.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    mother in law left this morning and I am so glad to see her leave! Her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was to difficult for her to stay here with. She ended up leaving for a week to visit another relative She came back Sunday night and left Tuesday morning. She was miserable here. She told husband that she doesn't touch things after difficult child 2 because his hands so often are in his pants. The disapproval and contempt she has for all of us was palpable. Everything from how we dress and clean the house to what we do for entertainment. I found it hard to do anything because I knew she was watching and disapproving of every action. It was ridiculous. She came to help husband find a better or 2nd job. The second day here she told us she wouldn't be helping the way we thought she would. Her idea of helping was to pester husband to make sure he was on task. The day before she came husband found out his company is laying him (and 400 other people) off. His last day is January 24th. He is very motivated right now to get a job. And unlike before the lay off was announced he has been looking and getting interviews.

    Last night easy child 2 was throwing up. mother in law told me what the standard practice was in the hospital she used to work at. (She was a labor and delivery tech; not a nurse.) I said that my pediatrician recommends we do something else. mother in law went in her room and sulked. Didn't come out until it was time for her to leave this morning. Didn't take the gift we got with her.

    I am so mad at her. I'm trying to not be mad. She isn't even here right now. I don't want to be mad. I just want to forget about her for a few years. So why am I having such a hard time letting this go?
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry. Inlaws can be tough. I hate saying anything because I am probably the mother in law from hell to my middle son's wife...lol. I try to keep a sense of humor over it and watch Monster in Law. It keeps me sane.

    Im sure your mother in law's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) certainly doesnt help her relationship with you guys. That would be difficult to cope with for both sides. If anyone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) came into my house they would run screaming into the night!

    Hugs... go watch that movie and envision all sorts of evil thoughts then laugh your way through it.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like a horrible visit for you! I'm so glad she is gone!! What does husband have to say?
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sounds absolutely HORRIBLE...I would be livid too.
    She cast condemnation on your whole family, your loved ones - and she had no right. Condemnation and judgment equate to not liking or approving of someone, which feels humiliating to all involved.
    She invaded your boundaries, your space, and your self respect - you have every right to be mad!!! Vent away for as long as you need to. We are here and will listen without judgment.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds like a fun inlaw......NOT.

    Let yourself be mad for a bit, it's ok, really it is. I think that is a well earned mad. If you let yourself feel it, it's easier to shrug off and let it go.

    So sorry to hear about husband's layoff. But sounds really positive that he's motivated to find a new job and getting some interviews. I hope it continues and he can find something quickly.

    Svcks that mother in law was more of a major PITA instead of a help.

  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    woohoo, bye bye mother in law I would be tempted to smash whatever the gift was, a symbolic sort of thing. I am not the smashing kind normally, but I picture it as being a cleansing thing.... maybe not. sounds like while she is being so judgemental....really she is difficult child. Not worth your time to worry about. Can you imagine how much worrying about the things she is wanting you to worry about would take away from your being the fantabulous mommy you are??? she hasn't a clue.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    It was a box of chocolates. I let the kids eat them.

    husband says he just ignores her. He doesn't really know how to be supportive of me emotionally. He wants to but ends up looking lost. Then he goes to buy food he thinks will cheer me up. This time it was a cake. He really does try.

    Thanks for all the validation. It helps to know that my response is normal.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Oh for the days gone by of a mother in law like that, and to be the person I am now.....(sigh) But then that would nearly svck all the fun out of it ya know? (insert evil chortle) I refuse to do a battle of wits with an unarmed person. Why invite evil to your doorstep. (exhale with long bygone thoughts of Satans mother) ...sticks out tongue and makes very very mature face. (yeah like that hehee)

    If I were sitting at your table this morning, having coffee with you and you had just told me that story - I would have yanked a spatula from your counter.....jerked up my pants legs pirate style, thrown my scarf very dramatically over my shoulder and in a Shakespeare tone of voice with my foot on one of your kitchen chairs said "BE GONE Oooooooo FOUL BEAST from my hooooooooooooooome." then waived my spatula around much akin to an eppe and stabbed at your oven while shouting "BACK, BACK TO THE DEPTHS of HADES whence you came you aggregious, hideous, fell monster!!" (then made more stabbing waives with your spatula and pretended to battle the monster in the oven until it was gone, claiming victory as I ate one of it's chocolates......or two they really were good.

    You know you summed up the entire visit in the first sentence? Her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). After that it could have been - ANd then? She inspected my cabinets with Qtips......and then? She got out white gloves and a mask like Michael Jackson and wouldn't eat our food. And THEN? She kept dusting my house - I mean you couldn't have gotten lucky and had a cleaning Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) person huh? Nope you got one of those verbal-naggers. Poor her. To go through life knowing none of the answers and constantly telling everyone what they should do. SO annoying. To everyone. Not just you, husband and the kids. Can you imagine what hades her life must be like outside of her family? WOW. I pity her actually. Annoying? Antagonizing? Sure.....but when you are as smart as YOU are...? She really shouldn't bother you, but since she does? I'd try to think of it more like.....Can you imagine if she bothers YOU that much being as smart and being family - just HOW MUCH she must annoy the soul out of strangers? Bossy, overbearing, knowitallandthensome? Yeah I think her life must be full of enriched conversations with friends who actually get a word in edgewise and are not afraid to disagree with her. (think about that for a minute - lol.) Picture in your mind for a minute HER having lunch with someone that she calls a friend...who isnt' as strong as you - and imagine what THAT woman must feel like after conversation and soup.

    Kinda takes away your anger a little doesn't it? I mean knowing it's not JUST you that she's doing this to -

    And as far as your husband - Well, I'd say this is how he's grown up all his life, and he's accustomed to her, and the IT factor......and so when he met you and you actually SHARED ideas with him? It's why he fell madly in love with you. So again - the mother in law by proxy did you a favor. (opposites attract)

    So mi' lady - (puts spatula back after washing it of course) and unrolls pants lets, and undoes scarf......sits in chair and finishes coffee - MAN do you make a mean cuppa....THANK YOU....I bid thee good day and a fare thee well for thou knowest in thine own heart you art a wonderful Mother and wife and need not the words or accolades of such a relative firemouth to soothe you. You're one tough warrior Mom sista! Roll with it!

    ROCK ON!
    (and out the door I go)

    Hugs & Love
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    How RUDE!!!!! No way should she ever darken your doorstep again! (Sorry, I'm not as eloquent as Star) Never again! She can stay in a hotel...good riddance! I'm so glad the kids ate the chocolate. She's a miserable person, laugh it off, it's a shame for her, her loss.
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I hope the kids enjoyed the chocolates! 10 to 1 she would have found something she didn't like. The caramel cream, perhaps...

    About a year after husband and I met, we moved - and mother in law sent a "present", her cleaning lady, to the old apartment so I wouldn't have to. And then for months we heard about how FILTHY the place was. Uh - lady - we smoked in the apartment, I'm too short to reach cobwebs, and no I didn't bother to @#$%^&ing vacuum, I knew the lady was gonna be there!

    MILs are difficult even when you get along.

    Brush it off - AFTER you have a good mad. You deserve it. And... If husband is trying... It's a teaching moment! You can appreciate his attempts and then give him hints.
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    If it's any consolation, my aunt is our mother in law. When she comes here or we go her way, there's always something we do wrong. She always complains about everyone else in the family and how everyone has done her wrong, how lonely she is and how she has done so much for all of us. Yes, she has, but she's done things that were way out of line and she made her bed and must now lie in it.

    At least she's not there for Christmas. BIG SMILE!!!
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    She sounds hideous. Don't let her come back. Print out your post, stick it in a place and keep it as something to read next time the issue of her coming to visit pops up.

    Can you IMAGINE her face if you handed her a plate with some cookies, let her eat half or 3/4 of one, then said, "OH, I am SOO SORRY!! THAT was the cookie that difficult child 2 stuck down his pants before I made him stop! I am SO SORRY for the mixup!!"

    Now wouldn't THAT be a fun form of revenge - to think about at least!

    I tend to imagine doing things like that. It keeps me from killing someone like your mother in law.

    Maybe I shouldn't make my book "in laws" instead of "sister in law".

    What book?

    My Brother Married a WhackJob: 50 Ways to Mess with Your Horrible Sister in Law

    I have been dreaming about that since we learned that my bro was going to marry his now ex. keeps me from throttling her when she hurts my mother and/or niece.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You have a deep dedication to kindness and understanding. Don't feel guilty that your generous spirit was tried this week. It will fade soon. People like you don't harbor illwill for long. Hugs. DDD
  14. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    :rofl: You guys are so great!!! I feel much better.

    After husband told me what she said about difficult child 2 I felt like making a good-bye dinner for her. Making a huge deal of it so she wouldn't dare back out. And then have difficult child 2 set the table. I didn't.

    Her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) comes out some times. She can be reasonable with people, so its hard for her friends outside the family to comprehend what she is like behind closed doors. Her last visit was ok. This one not ok.

    I think next time she wants to come visit I'll take a page from Star's book. :sword: husband will think I've gone mad! :bigsmile: I will need to print it out while its fresh in my mind. I will forget.