He changed so quickly.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dun4, Aug 1, 2009.

  1. dun4

    dun4 New Member

    I'm a single mom of two boys, the oldest is out on his own. My difficult child, son 16, was just diagnosed with severe ODD. It's just me and my difficult child. Until March, my difficult child was my easy child. I thought we had a good relationship, could talk about anything but his romantic life. He did well in school planned on going to college, was interested in several colleges and was contemplating a couple study areas. He was a excellent athlete, with possibility of scholarships. In March everything changed. His peer group changed. He quit his sport, quit talking to me. In April he asked to drop out of HS. I begged, pleaded, wheeled and dealed to try to keep him in school. He didn't keep any of his agreements. He walked out on a job he loved and where he'd just received a promotion. (He hasn't worked since, tho he's supposed to). He started flying into rages when I'd tell him no. He's threatened running away, suicide, accused me of not caring. He's dangled the carrot of finishing school to manipulate me. Everything negative thing that happens to him he blames on someone else, usually me. He's smoking cigarettes. He became so angry with me and foul-mouthed, in public, that he was thrown in the juvenile detention center. The judge ordered him to go to school. He followed the judge's orders for about a month before he was skipping again. He ended up flunking every class. I decided to send him to a boot camp. difficult child then said since he now realized there were consequences to his actions, he'd straighten up. He agreed to a CHINS (child in need of supervision) in place of the boot camp. Once the boot camp deadline passed his behavior has plummeted. If I say something he doesn't want to hear he is foul-mouthed, kicks furniture, punches walls, and storms out of the house.
    I had him drug tested when all this first occured and he was clean. In May we discovered he'd started smoking pot. He's tested clean for the last month.
    He started seeing a psychiatriest in April, and a youth crisis couselor since May. He's supposed to start anger management classes this week. We'll be starting family counseling soon. I don't see any improvement. He's getting worse. I hate to say this about my son, but I'm starting to worry that he could become physically abusive.
    I've read the postings on here. It sounds like most kids' negative behaviors start young and gradually escalate over time. My son was more on the side of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He changed so quickly. Has anyone experienced this or heard of it before?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yes, I experienced it. Exactly. In a word: DRUGS. Whether you drug tested him and he passed or not, I would be the farm on drugs or heavy drinking or, more likely, both.

    Has his friends changed too? Does he have a girlfriend with influence over him? Does he have money in spite of no job? Does he just lose it at times? My daughter put her fist through the window, raged, and pulled a knife on herself. She was not like this before she started using drugs. And she was very good at hiding it. And she hid it from psychiatrists who said she was bipolar. She's not bipolar.

    That's really the best explanation for a sudden drastic change in a teenager's behavior. Drug tests are far from infallible. There are drugs that don't show up. But I can almost guarantee you that your son is now steeped in the drug culture. And I doubt it's just pot. Pot doesn't make you act that way. I know that meth does. My daughter did meth and over the counter drugs and eventually cocaine. The kids always say "it's just pot." When a child's change is that extreme, it rarely is just pot. I'd get him into treatment.

    I'm really sorry. Everything points in that direction. I"ve been there myself and it's shocking. On the plus side, she quit six years ago and all is well. He is very young and there is hlep.(((Big Hugs)))
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2009
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that your once peaceful, pleasant family life disappeared so suddenly. Unless he had a traumatic brain injury (Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)) he is using drugs.

    It is not just pot.

    Not with the severity of the change, and the sudden onset.

    Behavior changes like that are drug related 99% of the time, at least that is my best guesstimate.

    He clearly does not see you as any type of authority now. I am not sure what to advise you of. I will say that members here who sent a child to "boot camp" type facilities came back at best with a changed attitude that lasted a month or more and faded away like it never happened. Some of the kids came back in worse shape than they had been in, some came back angry at what they thought of as abuse.

    I think a residential treatment center after going to rehab would be a good idea.I do have info on a really good rehab that my bro attended (now going on 6 or 7 years sober!).

    Whatever he is doing, even if it is "just" beer or "just" pot, he will NEED medical supervision to detox. Just stopping on his own can cause horrible problems, including death.

    I don't know what state you are in. You may still have the power to force him into rehab, but you may not. In some states kids can decline mental health treatments if they don't want them. Others let teens refuse to release medical info to parents, even if the parents are paying the bills.

    Sending love, hugs, and a soft cushie pillow to curl up on iwth a fave book or movie!
     
  4. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

    I disagree with the posters above. It could be drugs, but it could also be something else. You have described what my son turned into almost the day he turned 15. He had been a little bit of a problem from ages 8-14, but when he turned 15, it was like you described--Dr. Jekyll turned into Mr. Hyde. My son experimented with drugs off and on, but they weren't the cause of his change in behavior--he didn't become "steeped in the drug culture," and he didn't need to detox. I'll spare you the details, but the years from 15-18 were really bad. The good news is my son just turned 21 and wanted to spend his birthday with us because his friends wanted him to get wasted, and he didn't want to do that. I won't say he's perfect, and there have been some rough patches, but for the most part, he's a different kid today. So there is hope.
     
  5. dun4

    dun4 New Member

    Thank you for the responses. My first suspicion was drugs. That at least would explain things. I've searched his car and his room. He was in the juvenile detention center for several days. I figured if he was using, the first thing he'd do after going without for several days was use. I had him tested the next day. The doctors office said it was a thorough test that would cover the previous 3 weeks. He was clean. He doesn't have unexplained money. He has a fit when I won't give him money for cigarettes or gas. My mother doesn't approve of my handling of him so he knows he can go to her for money. Also the pdr was considering a brain injury. My son was assaulted in the fall. The ER said there was a no brain injury at the time. My difficult child has become almost obsessed with skateboarding so who knows what he's done that I don't know about. I've asked the pdr about doing tests to see if there is a brain injury, but he said it's still to soon to start testing. Then he diagnosed ODD. I don't want him to be on drugs, but I'm not going turn a blind eye. I don't know what to do next if it's a drug that doesn't show on tests. The only good days we have anymore are when I don't have to tell him no.
     
  6. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    witsend,

    So sorry you're going through this! It's hard and scary, especially when you're on your own. I'm just a mom, not a doctor, but... I would have guessed drugs because of the sudden onset. The other thought I had was depression. It presents differently in teens than in adults -- it comes out as anger and irritability rather than deep sadness. Could he be depressed? Or has anyone considered PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) related to the assault? As I understand it, ODD rarely exists on its own -- there's usually something else going on. And the raging hormones of adolescence seem to magnify everything.

    In addition to caring for him, make sure you care for yourself. (I'm much better about saying that than doing it, but it really is important.)
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter was drug tested in the hospital and came out clean. THerefore, they concluded it wasn't a drug problem, a big mistake. I stand firm in thinking it is probably drug abuse, and please don't discount it. My daughter used a lot of drugs, but she didn't have to formally detox. She decided to quit herself. But it was hell while she was going through the drug years. Lots of scary behavior and a suicide attempt that the doctors passed off as bipolar disorder.


    If you think he may be on drugs, get him off the street and put him in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Even if you don't, if he's acting out that badly, it may be a good idea to have him evaluated long term. Juvy won't help him. I still believe he is probably dabbling more in drugs and drinking than you think. In our neighborhood many of the skaters are also drug users.

    Is there any history of substance abuse on the family tree on either side? That is also a red flag for drug/alcohol abuse. Are there mental illnesses? I agree that ODD is a pretty useless diagnosis (my daughter got that one too).

    At his age and with his behaviors I still think drugs/alcohol abuse are most likely. He's not going to be forthcoming so I'd get him into intensive out-of-home treatment. When he turns 18, you won't be able to do that.

    Lastly, I've never heard of a drug test that can cover everything for three weeks. That doesn't sound right to me.


    Now that my daughter is clean, she's the same sweet daughter she used to be, belatedly in college. I wish we had known the truth all along. She didn't really tell us anything until s he quit, and we didn't want to think it was so. (((Hugs))) whatever you decide.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2009
  8. dun4

    dun4 New Member

    Thanks again for the responses. I don't have much support here, so it's great to read your messages. Midwest Mom how did your daughter behave, and what was she using? If you don't mind my asking. I hate to admit that I smoked some pot in my college years. Did a lot of drinking too. I haven't "partied" in over 25 years, so he's never seen me use drugs. I drink rarely, probably average 1 drink a year. In school, I saw many people using other drugs, and I don't see that in difficult child. I don't know the signs with these new drugs. difficult child just finished 3 weeks of summer school, 7AM-4PM. I didn't have to get him out of bed once. He was up and out of the house by 6:30AM. He took Algebra II and Senior English, got an A & a B. He had one incident with the English teacher. He asked for help twice one afternoon, she didn't get to him. She told him she'd help him the next afternoon, which she did, but she wouldn't give him credit for the assignment because it was due the previous day. difficult child felt that was unfair and called me to get a meeting with the principle. I recommended he discuss the issue with the teacher, explain why he thought it was unfair. If she still wouldn't change her mind, to ask to speak to the principle. He actually did everything I recommended but it was interspersed with FU's every where. My gut tells me I have to get him away from the kids he's hanging with, that was why I was sending him to the boot camp. It would have had the added benefit of getting him his GED. It's to late for the camp now, and his behavior is spiraling down again. Both his pdr and the youth counselor don't think I should send him to the camp. His pdr says he's workable. I can't help but wonder if it's the job security his pdr wants. His pdr was recommended by several people and the only one in town my insurance will cover. I am going to discuss the drug issue again with the pdr and the family counselor we are going to start seeing. I don't mind sending him to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) if I new he was using. I am terrified of sending him away for drug treatment if that's not his problem. difficult child was diagnosed as ADD when he was 10, reluctantly tried every drug. His behavior on the medications was horrible, it didn't improve his grades. The doctory agreed and we took him off those after 1 year. I did discover he had an eye problem about that time. He did a year of eye therapy and since then he's been on the honor roll. He has always become frustrated with authority figures that he thought weren't doing their job. We'd usually have one issue a year with a teacher. I'd love to hear more of what you think. We may not be doctors but I believe there is a lot to be said for experience.
     
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think the pdr (pediatrician? primary doctor? we use psychiatrist for child and adolescent psychiatrist) doesn't know some of the scary truths about drug testing. I have chronic pain and it is only bearable with heavy duty narcotics. My pain doctor does not even LOOK at drug testing results done in hospitals or done by docs and processed in labs that test for all sorts of things. He ONLY uses drug test performed by a company that ONLY does them. They do a primary test for certain things. then they run a series of tests to verify the primary test results. The lab ONLY does drug tests. I would NOT trust a drug test done by anyone other than one of these special laboratories. (I had a seizure reaction to some medications I was on. I was taken to the hospital where they did a rapid test for drugs. It came back positive for meth. I have NEVER touched that or any illegal drug. I was taking phenergan before the seizures and the phenergan is what caused the test to pop positive for meth. After I caem out of it, and they spoke with me they said that the results were clearly wrong, but some of the staff still treated me like a total jerk and awful mother.

    I don't know of any test that can cover everything for the last 3 weeks. Some medications are quick in, quick out medications. They take effect immediately wear off and out of the body just as fast.

    I do think you need a consult on the brain injury. Not sure why the doctor doesn't send you to a specialist, but he should see a pediatric neurologist as soon as possible. Time lost is brain lost in many situations (at least that is what the pediatrician neuro tells me), so wait and see may not be the best idea.

    Gentle hugs, and follow your instincts. They won't fail you.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Witz. To be honest, I never did any drugs at all so it was hard for me to think "drugs" when my daughter started to change. I'll try to write out what I noticed and what happened, but it's been a while. It all started for her when she was twelve and we moved and she didn't have any friends. She was very shy. She sat alone at lunch. The "cool" kids wanted nothing to do with the new, shy kid. It was the "offbeat" outcasts and druggies who befriended her. What we noticed. Before I list what I saw, let me say the drugs used today are different. Stimulants, uppers are very big, which make the kids rage and go nuts. Then often they take downers to get to sleep. Ok, the list (not completely accurate):

    1/She suddenly had a bunch of friends

    2/She started getting very mouthy and defiant and her grades fell to the floor. She was out all the time and never told us the truth about where she was. Although we didn't know it at the time, she became a cutter. She cut only where we couldn't see, like the soles of her feet, but she cut a lot. She told us it was very hard to quit cutting--it was addictive.

    3/All of that intensified and the rages started. She started smoking cigarettes after a lifetime of making a big production out of how much she hated smoke.

    4/She would get so angry she would bang her head on the wall and threaten to kill herself along with the endearing "I hate you. I'm not going to listen to you." Insert the cussing.

    5/She would sneak out her window at night and run around until one night a cop brought her home for being out after curfew. By now she was 15 or 16 and had been busted once for pot. She swore it was only pot and just once and told us that she HATED drinking, NEVER drank. She was very convincing.

    6/She would lie with real tears and stare straight into our eyes while she lied. At the same time, she became more secretive. The rages continued. School called with concerns and bad grades. She cut classes. She forged letters that said she had to leave early. She was arrested for shoplifted.

    7/Intensified. The opposition got worse. Her friends were scary looking. She refused to listen to anything we said. Totally out of control. One minute she'd be ok, the next she'd be crazy. She was homeschooling by now and tended to sleep all day and do drugs at night when we were sleeping. At the time we thought she was only smoking pot from time to time. We believed she had bipolar and enforced the BiPolar (BP) medications the best we could. She didn't take the BiPolar (BP) medications. She and her friends were using ADHD medications, crushing them in a pillcrusher and snorting them both alone, with over the counter drugs and with cocaine. I was flabbergasted when I heard. I never realized ADHD drugs were in demand or snorted. Adderrall was their pill of choice. It goes for $10/pill on the street.

    8/When she was out we searched her room and found several knives under the mattress. When confronted, she had a rage and threatened to kill herself. The cops came and took her to a psychiatric hospital in which she was drug tested and we were told she was clean; that she had promised them she never took drugs anymore. She was there for three weeks and put on BiPolar (BP) medications again. She hated the way they made her feel (funny, considering the other junk in her system). She continued to mostly sleep all day and go out at night. The cops would often bring her home when she managed to get out.

    9/She got so angry she put her fist through a window. We found out she was getting some of her drugs from an adult MOTHER of one of her "friends." She was selling as well as using because, as she now tells me, if you use drugs, you also sell them. They go together. She was drinking heavily along with popping pills and snorting.

    10/To make a long story short, it accumulated and we had to make her leave for the sake of our two younger kids who were scared when the cops would drop over, and it became more common. She raged at us that she hated us and would never speak to us again.

    Once she was out of the house, she moved in with her straight arrow brother who lived in another state. He was very strict with her and she listened to him. By then, she was ready to quit and scared, and this was her last place to stay before the streets. She got off the drugs and is doing well seven years later. She has told me she did ADHD medications, cocaine, heroine twice (that scared me to death--I never dreamed it), ecstacy, heavy drinking, pot of course but it became minor, and many over the counter drugs. She said the big thing now is huffing. She did not huff. She has told me more than a mother wants to know. I realize I could have lost her, but I was so naive I didn't even know she was that heavily into drugs. She had only been caught smoking pot.

    Suffice to say, a very good kid turned into a monster almost overnight and my hub (her stepdad) and me had no idea how to stop it. If we'd known, we would have gotten drug treatment for her, but we kept being told she had bipolar :(:faint:.

    I wish you luck. Please keep us posted.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2009
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Witsend, if you have gotten negative drug tests then I would be leaning toward other directions. Every teen with anger issues isnt a drug user. The way this came on so suddenly makes me very worried. It almost seems like this could be a physical illness. I think I would ask for a referral to a neurologist to get either or perhaps both a CT scan and a MRI of his brain. It could be that he has some sort of tumor in his head that is causing this changed behavior. Im thinking like Dr House now...lol.

    I think the drug tests you have had done would have shown the normal pot, meth, heroin, coke drugs that are readily available out there so maybe you should look further at something else.
     
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Out of curiosity, how did the ER rule out brain injury? Did he actually have an MRI or even a CT scan?
     
  13. dun4

    dun4 New Member

    After reading all your posts, I am going to go in and have a good talk with his pdr (teen psychiatrist).

    Midwest Mom: A lot of what your daughter did sounds like my son. I've been watching him closely and haven't noticed anything unusual when he's calm. But he goes from one mood to another in an instant. I question drug use because he isn't losing control with his grandparents or brother. It seems to be directed at me and occasionally a teacher or the cops. I would think if it was drugs it would be all the time. I have been checking into Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s around here.

    Dammit Janet: I am going to pressure for additional testing with his pdr and his pediatrician.

    gcvMom: The ER did a MRI the night difficult child was hurt. It showed no brain injuries. I've wondered if you can get a brain injury from surgery. difficult child's nose was so severely broken, it had to be surgically repaired. difficult child was in extreme pain after the surgery. Many times more than when he was originally hurt. Who knows how many times he's hit his head when he skateboards because he knows I'm not pleased about his skateboarding.

    I'm going to get some more testing done.
     
  14. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    witsend,

    You're very wise to get more testing done. A couple of other thoughts: Anger can also be related to ADHD (trust me, I've seen plenty of it in my home). It's hard to tell if your difficult child was misdiagnosed when he was younger, or just never found the right combination of medications. There are also some medications (e.g., Vyvanse) that have been introduced in the last six years that have been more effective for us than older medications. The other thing is, untreated ADHD has been linked with a higher incidence of substance abuse. Of course, that's based on statistics, and our kids are people, not numbers, but it seems like you and your psychiatrist need to explore all avenues at this point.

    Hugs. Keep us posted.
     
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No, if it was drug use it wouldn't be all the time. It wasn't with my daughter. It would only be when he was using a drug that causes hair trigger temper and violence, such as meth. He may not use before he sees his grandmother or may just mellow himself out with pot or downers. I'm not saying that he does, just that the moodswings are what confused us and her doctors.

    I have bipolar. in my opinion there are symptoms beforehand to let you know it's coming. Schizophrenia is more overnight, but he isn't acting as if he is psychotic or has a thought disorder. What reminded me of drugs was his overnight switch, his admission to at least pot (that his the extent of what most kids will admit), and his sudden plunge where the bottom fell out. Also, sounds like he maybe changed his friends to the skaters. While many skatboarding dudes are fine, my own thirteen year old has already informed me that a few she knows are already dabbling in drugs. And peer pressure at his age is fierce.

    I would also question "raging hormones" that suddenly start at sixteen. Also, this is too severe a change for raging hormones. Dropping out of school, when he used to care, is a huge clue. If you want more possible advice, I suggest posting on "Teens and Substance Abuse" to see what the parents there think-they have all been there/done that. They may be able to more tell you what to look for.

    In a few years, he will be legally an adult. Please cover all your tracks and keep an open mind. None of us want to think "drugs." I was so clueless, it didn't even cross my mind, so we kept pushing the bipolar medications. She is 25 now, and clean. She does NOT have bipolar. It was the drugs. She did give me one good piece of advice: "Never trust the word of a drug user. They will stare you in the eyes and lie to you." If this is the problem, your son won't be forthcoming. I didn't learn the full extent of it until my daughter quit. And it was so shocking (I'd never dreamed she SNORTED speed and cocaine) that I wish she had spared me the details, but she seemed to have a need to come clean.

    She hid it well. Mostly, she got high when everyone else was sleeping. Chances are, you won't be able to find out what's truly going on because he's getting older and he won't admit it. But try. My daughter could have died. She always tells me she's lucky to be alive. And I didn't see it, partly because I didn't want to see it. (((Hugs)))
     
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Despite the negative test results, I also would not discount drugs either. However, all bases need to be covered. And yes, surgery of course can do damage because it cuts ito the body just as anything else. It leaves scar tissue. The main difference is, surgery is more controlled, more known. But there are still limits.

    ALso there can be new things happening especially if he's skating and has a fall. A clear scan on one day doesn't mean that there isn't a slow bleed which te next day is putting pressure on the brain.

    There are also parts of the brain which can be directly connected to temper, aggression and impulse control. The amygdala comes to mind.

    A kid who is doing drugs could be mixing anything, taking anything (inclusing prescription medications swiped form family or friends or bought off the street). would preascription medications show up on a drug screen? I also don't understand how a drug screen can guarantee no drug use for the previous 3 months - when easy child 2/difficult child 2 had her drink spiked at a Christmas party last year and was nearly raped (and also could have died) she was told that unless they did blood tests that night, nothing would show up. We suspect she was given GHB, she was really sick on the night, nauseated and headachey for days and has had stomach troubles ever since. Her behaviour while affected was apparently really strange - she was loud, acted drunk, was walking around semi-naked (very unlike her even when drunk).

    Other drugs have different effects, but "we can know for sure for the back tree months" frankly sounds unbelievable.

    Keep an eye on any prescription medication supplies in your home as well as his grandparents' medications. He mightn't be using what he swipes, but he could be swapping it (if he's using drugs at all - I agree about keeping an open mind but I wouldn't have too much faith in the tests, there are new drugs all the time and tests can barely keep up).

    Other thoughts - what else could produce a sudden change? Is there a chance he was bullied or molested? Especially at school? It could account for why he begged to be allowed to drop out. Even an intelligent kid would expect you to KNOW if he has been molested and to be furious with you for not recognising it (and not protecting him). Boys especially will be very reluctant to admit it to anyone, because there are so many other nasty factors for boys in how they feel about themselves and their own body response to, say, a rape. It could account for a sudden change and for you being especially a focus.

    A book we refer people to a lot here is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Depending on what the problem is here, I don't know how much it will be able to help you, but reading it sahould at least do you no harm and may give you some different ways to try to handle him while you're trying to unravel the puzzle.

    Consider ALL possibilities. Even if one is proven, don't discount others. If any are disproven, don't rule them out either now or in the future. Keep detailed notes, keep a diary in fact. Things you're certain you won't forget still need to be logged because so much will happen that you can't hold it all in your head. Put down the detail so you can move on and stay as sane as possible.

    Glad you found us. We're here for support.

    Marg
     
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would say that surgery can qualify as a traumatic experience. We had several docs and psychiatrists and tdocs who thought my Wiz had Reactive Attachment disorder because he woke up during a urinary surgery when he was almost 2. It was a horrible experience and we only learned about it when a friend said we might want to get the surgeon's notes about the surgery. NOT the hospital records, because they don't normally give hte surgeon's notes with it. When he woke up they were starting the 2nd procedure to be done at that time, and they had just cut open the most sensitive part of his anatomy. He still remembers the surgery vividly, over 15 years later. In fact we only went looking for what happened in the surgery because of things he said about it.

    It is very wise to look into ALL possiblities. I hope it is something easy to help.

    it is highly possible he could have been molested, esp in the boys locker room if he had to change for gym or a sport.

    Whatever is going on, I hope you figure it out so you can help him!
     
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    My easy child/difficult child was a gifted student, a golf/basketball and baseball All Star who even played in the Youth World Series. His circle of friends included the teens who were community leaders and from families who cared. My husband and I loved him to death (still do) and "thought" he was destined to be the happiest most productive of all the children we raised.

    He had two personal traumas at 14 (bioDad and a Coach) and life has never been the same. His friends all changed and he began to smoke pot regularly and experiment with pills etc. He is now 22 and we have only heard the FU since he had brain surgery and began down the road of alcoholism. So...based on our experiences these are my suggestions:
    1. Don't expect addiction to "look like" addiction.
    2. A NeuroPsychologist can do a full evaluation that will indicate which parts of the brain are functioning correctly/incorrectly. Brain injury is not "seen" by simple tests as often as it is "identified" via specific diagnostic testing.
    3. Don't discount that he may have suffered an emotional trauma that he is not willing or capable of sharing. It is not unusual, for ex., for boys to be exploited or embarrassed by peers or coaches in a sexual way. Parents can't imagine but although not common it is not rare and sometimes good athletes who turn away from sports are giving this signal.

    I feel your pain. You and your son will be in my thoughts & prayers. DDD
     
  19. dun4

    dun4 New Member

    Wow, you guys are fantastic! I can't believe the depth of experience. You're all so strong! I'm not the huggy type, but slaps on the back to every one of you. I salute you all. Reading your stories have helped me to believe I can get through this. Thank you all so much.

    I have found a neuropyschologist only 3 1/2 hrs away, so I will be pursuing that angle. I'm going to push for additional testing for a brain injury. The drugs, I'm not sure how to attack. I've searched his room from top to bottom. We had an unusual rain storm and my basement flooded so I had a perfect excuse to pull all the furniture out of his room and closet. The only thing I found was CO2 canisters for an air gun. If his behavior doesn't improve, I'm going to have to do something. I operate a home child care and won't have him losing it in front of the kids.

    I have considered the molestation possibility. I went through it with my easy child 10 years ago. I've talked to difficult child. He denies anything has happened, as did my older son when it happened to him. My ex isn't the greatest father. He seems to be involved in my sons' lives just enough to keep them attached so that he can hurt them. I divorced when difficult child was a newborn. He's never shown much interest in his father, thinks he's a dic*. Since the birth of my grandson, my sons' stepmother has befriended my grandson's mother. My ex, or at least his wife, showes more interest in the grandson then the son. I know it really hurts my easy child. difficult child acts like he doesn't care. Who knows? If I attempt to discuss anything with him, he says everything is fine. If I push it he flies into a rage.

    difficult child hurt his ankle skateboarding so I'm off to a physical theragy appointment. Thanks for all the support!
     
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The CO canisters are NOT a good sign. They are a big red flag that he is "huffing". He is inhaling the propellant to get high. This is a truly terrifying addiction. The user gets high from a terribly common item, one not likely to be monitored or refused. Often the propellant they huff can go into the lungs and force out oxygen so they suffocate. They cannot get air in because the lungs are filled up with this propellant.

    If an addict ever tries to huff using a product like Pam or baker's joy, they won't survive it. The oil will coat their lungs so that they cannot breathe. There is NOTHING that 911 or a hospital can do to revive someone who huffs Pam. My uncle worked for the company that makes it and he did a lot of safety training for it because he was a volunteer EMT and the first responder for his area of the company.

    Many many kids start with this, or with sniffing glue or the old permanent markers that were so smelly. The sale of these things is not restricted or monitored and anyone with a buck or two can get them. Most also do not show up on drug tests.

    LOTS and LOTS of kids use the canned pressurized air that is designed to blow dust out of computers and other sensitive areas. Kids figure it is air, and we need air to breathe so it is OK. It is not.

    I urge you to google "huffing" and dangers of huffing and signs of huffing. It is scary.

    Sending good thoughts!
     
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