Help with- ODD child.

[ArmyWifeEzro]

Hi. My name is Karen and I am new to this site. I am currently an Army wife with two children going through my first deployment. My daughter (8 yrs old) was diagnosed with ODD about a year ago. Since being diagnosed, things have only gotten worse. The only thing told to me by the doctor who diagnosed her was to keep doing what I have been doing and just get through. There has got to be a better way!!!!! The tantrums last for hours. I have a 4 month old son and he gets scared when she screams and throws fits (obviously). I try and keep her to her room when she does scream and what not but she gets no satisfaction from this so she opens her door and screams louder or has even followed me just to scream or bangs on my door when I have went in there and shut the door with the baby to keep him from hearing so much. I just dont know what else to do. I have simple rules that she just cant or wont follow and when we go through the consequences she puts up a fight saying I am being unfair. Or that I hate her or are just simply being mean. Of coarse I explain to her that I dont hate her just dont like the way she is acting and I dont want to seem mean but rules if not followed have consequences. Since my husband deployed with me being 7 months pregnant, I went home to stay with my mother to have the baby. My daughter and her actions have had many consequences for me and my whole family. I ended up having to leave my mothers house per her request due to my daughters behavior and tantrums. So I moved in with a friend that stated that she totally understood the way children could be until I could get the money to fly back home (Germany, not a cheap ticket). Same situation happened. Needless to say we are no longer associated with one another. I just feel so alone and I need to get answers.

Any help comments or advice will be appreciated.

 

[buddy]

Hi there... sorry you are going through such a rough time. Sounds like your daughter is too. Really, there is (in my humble opinion) never a good reason to leave a child with an ODD diagnosis... it only tells you about the behavior, does not help you to figure out what is going on with a child nor what to do about it. I can understand your feeling so alone and frustrated with that level of care and support.

So, you are out of the states now?? I hope you can get back if you are not in the US right now. If I were you I would attack this on several fronts. First, I would get an appointment with a neuropsychologist. General and pediatrician psychologists often stick to the behavioral descriptors as a diagnosis. Neuropsychologists look at the brain in relation to behavior and moods.... They can help you sort through many of the possibilities for her challenges.

I would also get an in depth speech and language evaluation as well as an occupational therapy evaluation including sensory and motor.

That said, if you are comfortable..... can you share how things started? How was her birth history? how was she as a baby? Did she meet milestones on time?? Early??? (talking, sitting, walking, learning letters and numbers, etc)... how does she play? Does she play with other children at all? Does she use imaginative play or does she like to use scripts from movies or tv shows or what other kids do? Does she take turns well? Is she sensitive to sights, sounds, touch, taste, smells? Or does she maybe seek out those sensory things? Does she have trouble with change in plans? Or switching things up when she has a thought in her head? Was she ever seriously ill? Did she ever have seizures or does she show symptoms of that now??? Can she sit still? Can she attend to things or does she hyper focus on things? Does she have interest areas that she focuses on (like pokemon, certain characters, certain shows, etc... way beyond typical childhood interest...she knows everything, can't not do/watch it etc...

Is there any history in the family of mental illness or genetic conditions that can affect behavior?


I dont know how the military model works but we have parents here who DO!!! They should be able to help you better with that. But if you are there, it can take a long time to get an appointment so if you plan to come back to the USA then you can make the appointments now.

How is she doing in school? Have they said anything? You can request a Special Education evaluation in the USA but I dont know how that works overseas so again, depends on what your plans are.... I hope others here with special needs kids can help with that if you have to stay.


Books you might want to check out are The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and several have read What your Explosive Child is trying to tell you by (help me here folks, I haven't gotten to this one yet...) Douglas Riley (sp?) I am hoping TeDo or Susie will check in and correct me because I may have this wrong... I have used Ross Greene and similar for years but hadn't heard of the other and they really recommend this.

The isssue is that typical parenting ideas do not tend to work for kids like ours. But there is hope! I promise. It is not easy and I am sorry that your mom was not able to support you in searching for answers. You will need some help.

So, let us know more and as people check in over the next few days you should get more ideas and support. We are not trying to be nosy but if you can give us more information, we can support you better. naturally, we are not there so if what I or anyone says does not fit... of course do not hesitate to move on to the next idea...knowing we are only able to share from our personal experience and are only trying to help.

HUGS to you, you are for sure not alone in this....but it sure can feel lonely. You have friends here... you will be amazed.

I t

 

[TeDo]

Books you might want to check out are The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and several have read What your Explosive Child Is Trying To Tell You by Dr. Douglas Riley ......... and they really recommend this.

These are both WONDERFUL books. The Ross Greene book describes an approach to getting to the bottom of the REAL issues that are causing the behaviors and working WITH the child to come up with a solution. It goes totally against what we were taught (shown) by our parents but it works! Buddy got the name/author of the other book right also. That one gets you to think of other reasons children "act out" and helps with ways to overcome those causes. BOTH books "basically" work off the premise that "children do well if they can" and look at skills the child doesn't have that "typical" kids do in certain situations. Read them both as soon as you are able.

I ditto everything else Buddy said and am curious about the same questions she asked. More info will help us steer you in the right direction.

Regardless, welcome to our little corner of the world but am sooooo sorry things are so bad for you right now. We are here to help in any way we can. Take what works and leave what doesn't but please don't be afraid to try some of the things we might suggest just because they aren't "normal". Our kids aren't "normal" so "normal" methods will not work.

Others will be along.

 

[lovelyboy]

I fully agree with what Buddy said.....its almost as if you are only in the beginning of this journey.....
It usually starts of with ODD.....but because of this great people on this forum, who kept on telling me that there is usually other diagnosis hidden underneith the simple ODD lable, I kept on surging for answers...and oh boy.....did the answers came!!!!!
The speech therapy assessment showed my kiddo has auditory prosessing problems.....so often he doesnt understand me correctly so behave 'inappropriatly'......or gets frustrated because of misunderstanding and acts out!
The Occupational Therapist (OT) assessment showed he has sensory integration problems, so thats why he lashes out if we touch him or invade his personal space...or smells irritate him....he also has planning problems, so he is not being spite full when he doesnt clean up or do what I ask, he sometimes doesnt know where to start, or what to do!
The psychiatrist diagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)....so this is why he throws tantrums, scream when things change....For instance, when you moved to other country, or different houses or the new baby arrived, ALL of this can push an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid over the edge?
And even when we started doing EEG, now they suspect temporal lobe epilepsy or even tumor, so we are waiting for appointment with neurologist....and this in itself can cause all of the above mentioned!
I do think its important to get to the root of this behaviour, because the handling is very different!
Sorry to say, but the reallity is that plenty of family or strangers will not understand your childs disability....but that is why this forum is here...to get support from other parents who understand how nerve recking this yourney is!
Sorry you had to meet us through this, but I am glad you are here!
Hugs!