Hi there... sorry you are going through such a rough time. Sounds like your daughter is too. Really, there is (in my humble opinion) never a good reason to leave a child with an ODD diagnosis... it only tells you about the behavior, does not help you to figure out what is going on with a child nor what to do about it. I can understand your feeling so alone and frustrated with that level of care and support.
So, you are out of the states now?? I hope you can get back if you are not in the US right now. If I were you I would attack this on several fronts. First, I would get an appointment with a neuropsychologist. General and pediatrician psychologists often stick to the behavioral descriptors as a diagnosis. Neuropsychologists look at the brain in relation to behavior and moods.... They can help you sort through many of the possibilities for her challenges.
I would also get an in depth speech and language evaluation as well as an occupational therapy evaluation including sensory and motor.
That said, if you are comfortable..... can you share how things started? How was her birth history? how was she as a baby? Did she meet milestones on time?? Early??? (talking, sitting, walking, learning letters and numbers, etc)... how does she play? Does she play with other children at all? Does she use imaginative play or does she like to use scripts from movies or tv shows or what other kids do? Does she take turns well? Is she sensitive to sights, sounds, touch, taste, smells? Or does she maybe seek out those sensory things? Does she have trouble with change in plans? Or switching things up when she has a thought in her head? Was she ever seriously ill? Did she ever have seizures or does she show symptoms of that now??? Can she sit still? Can she attend to things or does she hyper focus on things? Does she have interest areas that she focuses on (like pokemon, certain characters, certain shows, etc... way beyond typical childhood interest...she knows everything, can't not do/watch it etc...
Is there any history in the family of mental illness or genetic conditions that can affect behavior?
I dont know how the military model works but we have parents here who DO!!! They should be able to help you better with that. But if you are there, it can take a long time to get an appointment so if you plan to come back to the USA then you can make the appointments now.
How is she doing in school? Have they said anything? You can request a Special Education evaluation in the USA but I dont know how that works overseas so again, depends on what your plans are.... I hope others here with special needs kids can help with that if you have to stay.
Books you might want to check out are The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and several have read What your Explosive Child is trying to tell you by (help me here folks, I haven't gotten to this one yet...) Douglas Riley (sp?) I am hoping TeDo or Susie will check in and correct me because I may have this wrong... I have used Ross Greene and similar for years but hadn't heard of the other and they really recommend this.
The isssue is that typical parenting ideas do not tend to work for kids like ours. But there is hope! I promise. It is not easy and I am sorry that your mom was not able to support you in searching for answers. You will need some help.
So, let us know more and as people check in over the next few days you should get more ideas and support. We are not trying to be nosy but if you can give us more information, we can support you better. naturally, we are not there so if what I or anyone says does not fit... of course do not hesitate to move on to the next idea...knowing we are only able to share from our personal experience and are only trying to help.
HUGS to you, you are for sure not alone in this....but it sure can feel lonely. You have friends here... you will be amazed.
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