T
TeDo
Guest
Not sure if I posted about this or not so bear with me if I did. Back in June, there was a huge blow-up involving my sister and difficult child. She said, in anger, "That kid has a problem!" I replied, also in anger, "Yes, he does. You have NO idea!" Anyhow, my mom called that night and asked "so what IS difficult child's problem?" I told her his very recent diagnosis. She asked me if I was lying to protect him. I was incredulous so I quit talking while she pointed out all the "spoiling" I do with him.
Several emails later, [she wanted to go to the psychiatrist with us (so she could ask about discipline since she's convinced I don't do any), she wanted pamphlets about the diagnosis that I got from the psychiatrist (never got any so told her to research on the internet like I had to), many examples of OTHER disabled kids being disciplined (still doesn't believe I do because I refuse to do it in front of her for difficult child's sake and mine since I don't do it like SHE would), etc], I finally told her that I was not willing to discuss it anymore since she doesn't believe me anyway so what's the point. She sent this ??apology??: "I really did believe you would lie to cover for difficult child. Guess I'm sorry for being honest."
I have not spoken to her in 2 months. She has invited US out to meals twice, she paid, and I couldn't say no because she asked in front of my kids and I don't want to drag them into this. I was civil but that is it. My kids have not asked to see her and I don't force them to. They are old enough to decide for themselves. They don't refuse but they don't ask either.
Talked to my other sister tonight and mom told her "This whole situation has gone too far. I apologized but really did think she'd lie about it. I am not going to keep trying to talk to her. It's up to her to make the next move." My sister has watched my mom treat me like this (disbelieving everything she doesn't see IF I'm the one that says it, being judgemental about everything I do, overstepping her boundaries, etc) my whole life. I am actually LESS stressed without her "looking over my shoulder" and my kids are content not having to please her (one of them asked last winter when they were going to be good enough for grandma).
Now my question. Would you consider her apology an APOLOGY? Am I totally wrong here? What would you do if you were in my shoes? We live in the same very small town and she hears EVERYTHING and also doesn't hesitate to pass along what she hears. If it comes from someone else and it's about me or my kids, she believes it whether it's true or not and if I tell her it's not she replies "well so-and-so said....."
Thanks to those that have read this far. Sorry it got to be so long.
Several emails later, [she wanted to go to the psychiatrist with us (so she could ask about discipline since she's convinced I don't do any), she wanted pamphlets about the diagnosis that I got from the psychiatrist (never got any so told her to research on the internet like I had to), many examples of OTHER disabled kids being disciplined (still doesn't believe I do because I refuse to do it in front of her for difficult child's sake and mine since I don't do it like SHE would), etc], I finally told her that I was not willing to discuss it anymore since she doesn't believe me anyway so what's the point. She sent this ??apology??: "I really did believe you would lie to cover for difficult child. Guess I'm sorry for being honest."
I have not spoken to her in 2 months. She has invited US out to meals twice, she paid, and I couldn't say no because she asked in front of my kids and I don't want to drag them into this. I was civil but that is it. My kids have not asked to see her and I don't force them to. They are old enough to decide for themselves. They don't refuse but they don't ask either.
Talked to my other sister tonight and mom told her "This whole situation has gone too far. I apologized but really did think she'd lie about it. I am not going to keep trying to talk to her. It's up to her to make the next move." My sister has watched my mom treat me like this (disbelieving everything she doesn't see IF I'm the one that says it, being judgemental about everything I do, overstepping her boundaries, etc) my whole life. I am actually LESS stressed without her "looking over my shoulder" and my kids are content not having to please her (one of them asked last winter when they were going to be good enough for grandma).
Now my question. Would you consider her apology an APOLOGY? Am I totally wrong here? What would you do if you were in my shoes? We live in the same very small town and she hears EVERYTHING and also doesn't hesitate to pass along what she hears. If it comes from someone else and it's about me or my kids, she believes it whether it's true or not and if I tell her it's not she replies "well so-and-so said....."
Thanks to those that have read this far. Sorry it got to be so long.
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