Without Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in the equation, I still think you need to use similar techniques to manage him. My reasons for this:
1) He is very bright, from what you say and what his teachers say. Bright kids can have a lot of the POSITIVE aspects of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) without so many of the handicaps. One shining example - bright kids, plus Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, tend to have a very strongly developed sense of justice and fair play, almost to extremes. I speak from my own experience plus what I observed in all four of my kids. If you try to control such a kid by dictating, you will clash. It virtually creates ODD for you. When I was a kid, I did not become oppositional because my mother's methods of control were too manipulative. She engaged my sense of justice to follow her rules.
2) A bright kid can also be more successfully engaged with logic and reason.
Think about your ultimate goal as a parent. You want your kids to be happy, productive, effective, capable members of society, to be working in a job they love at the top of their capability. Most of all you want your kids to be independent of you. Of course you also want your kids to want to spend time with you and to still have you in their lives, but we often forget that we need our kids to learn to be capable yet independent.
When our kids are so young, we don't think in terms of their ultimate independence. But a bright kid is one who is constantly, actively trying to improve himself. Hey, not just the bright ones. But you notice it more with them. Example - my BFF's daughter, at age 2 (a very bright kid) spent half an hour bent over double, trying to do up her sandals. Every time her mother went near to her to help her, she was stopped by the little girl shrieking at her, "No, ME do it!"
Explosive Child methods work on normal kids too. I've even used them on school meetings. It's also called collaborative problem solving, and it is very effective at helping you get what you want form a situation, without the other party feeling unheard or ignored. At first it looks like you're giving way and letting the child rule the roost. But it's a lot more subtle than that. There is some pre-planning involved and that is an ongoing process, but because you involve the child in making choices, you are also teaching the child to make those choices wisely and in conjunction with your supervision. This actually can fast-track the child to a position of personal responsibility - a vital element in eventual independence.
A hypothetical now - what does your son say he wants to be when he grows up? Let's say he says he wants to be a doctor. at 7, he is still well able to change direction. But in some kids, this strong sense of purpose could still be apparent at 7. Let's say he has memorised the first aid books, has nicked a copy of Gray's Anatomy (the book, not the TV series) from a doctor relative and is memorising that too. It makes it fairly apparent that this child has a strong determination to go this direction. To try to change such a strong sense of purpose and push the child into getting a job in a bank, or considering becoming a plumber, would cause conflict. No, it makes more sense to support the child's interests but also teach some balance. For example, one does not discuss detailed dissection or bodily fluids at the dinner table.
Continuing the hypothetical - let's say your son is determined to study medicine, but you want him to be a lawyer. First - is it right to impose your values on your child? You might want him to enter the family law firm (to carry on the name) but would he make a good lawyer if he always felt he had missed his true calling? You could also get an even better lawyer, especially one specialising in medico-legal, if he studied medicine first and then went back to uni for a law degree. A classmate of husband's did exactly that. If he had been pushed in one direction only, he would never have been as good in that profession while he wondered if he should have done something else. Instead, he covered what he wanted to cover academically, then found himself a niche that used the lot. He now works in a law firm defending doctors from malpractice suits.
A bright child still can have problems. It is possible to be bright, plus learning-disabled. We found this with difficult child 1. At his first school (our local one which I have often been vitriolic about for many reasons) they had a lot of trouble with him. The biggest problem was non-compliance and daydreaming. He would simply sit in class and zone out. He would not follow instructions and would respond to discipline by curling up in a ball and withdrawing totally.
I transferred him to a new school in the city. I warned them of his problems and they said, "It will be OK. We have experience with problem kids." But when they met him and had him in their classes, they all said to me, "There's nothing wrong with this kid. Who said he was a problem? He's bright, he's engaging, he's polite - we love him to bits!" They saw him in such a positive light, that he responded positively and began to engage more than he had back at the local school, where he was always scared of being yelled at. However, they were wrong when they said he didn't have any problems. He had a diagnosis at the time of severe ADHD which only partly responded to medications. But the teachers almost instinctively made accommodations (such as putting instructions in writing; sitting him at the front) so he was coping. They also commented on how bright he was. He made friends easily, especially the principal's son who was a bit of an odd kid. A few other boys joined their group, but nobody was excluded.
It was about 4 years later before difficult child 1 was diagnosed with Asperger's. He had been assessed earlier but not in enough detail. Despite being bright, the schoolwork reached a level of social complexity beyond difficult child 1's ability to function at that time (they get there, they just take longer). That's when academically he seemed to hit the wall and went form top marks to failing, in a matter of months.
I'm hoping that your son is 'merely' a bright child who is feeling over-controlled and resents his ability being ignored in your interactions. He may feel he should be given considerably more autonomy; you might feel (probably rightly) that he simply isn't old enough for such a high level of personal responsibility. But the way to get to consensus with hi is not through control or imposition of your will. With these kids you cannot say, "Because I said so and I'm the parent!" Instead, you ned to demonstrate your suitability in your role. Often it's easier to simply say, "You have choices. I can help you make those choices. It's my job to be here as a support for you."
It really can be as simple as that, and the changes can be profound. No charts, no stickers (although you can use them if you like). Just ongoing communication, shared. Milk and cookies time used to good effect. Avoid blame. Avoid judgement. Instead, teach self-analysis. Ask questions. Instead of blame, look at consequences. So you hit your friend because he didn't want to play with you any more? Did hitting him make him want to play? So how did that work for you?
He has a brain. It's time to get him to use it, and instead of you telling him, you ask him leading questions.
The golden rule - pull back from whatever you're doing before he gets angry. You can take him close to the edge, but stop before he explodes. He will quickly learn that you are trying to help him be in control himself, and also trying to help him make his own responsible decisions. You are his helper. As he realises tis, your battles will ease.
This will work for other children too. You don't need different parenting methods for all kids. But it will function differently for different kids at the same time in the same household. However, this is as it should be - all kids are different and a lot of their resentment comes from being treated the same as younger siblings. "How come I have to go to bed at the same time she does? I'm older?"
It does get better. Something we found in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) which you will find still in your son - they go through a really angry phase when they really want to do something, but don't yet have the capability. If your son already wants to be a rocket scientist but can't yet get an explosives licence, it will frustrate him. If he wants to go ride a bike after dark andf you won't let him, it frustrates him. He needs to learn to use his brain to find the right way to solve a problem. And teaching him this skill is the best thing you can do for him as a parent, because it sets him on the path to a good adulthood.
OK, I'll shut up now. I'm beginning to repeat myself.
Read the book. Or read info on this site about the book. Get a library copy if you're wary of spending money on it. There are multiple editions and I found considerable differences (all good) between each one. One talks about baskets, another talks about plans. I personally prefer the baskets - it's easier to mentally visualise. But as you get better at it, the plans perhaps are easier to think of.
Margf