Hi, Im new, Long.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jessyw, Apr 2, 2009.

  1. Jessyw

    Jessyw New Member

    Hello, my name is Jessica. I am 16 years old and I need your input. I have a 14 year old sister who I believe has ODD and also my mother has a chemical imbalance and is no help at all.

    Life has gotten so hard I don't know what to do, I notice that my sister ebony (14) goes out of her way to annoy and anger me and my 2 other sister and my mother, she doesnt not know when to stop.

    She lies and acts angelic towards our other family members and to all other people we know and makes us (me and my mom) look like the bad people.

    She has anger outburst for no apparent reason and over little things and she also goes off to where she will beat on our two younger sisters and will not stop until I step in and make her stop, she has even attacked me and has threatened my mom. Shes not a small kid either, shes about 5 foot 5 and 200 pounds so its very hard to stop her.

    She does things that make my mom go crazy and my mom reacts by hitting my sister, yelling at her, telling her how much she hates her, saying that she wants to kill her and when my mom says these things ebony does worse things (Which doesnt surprise me).

    She breaks things all the time and has NO fear of cops what so ever. We've called the cops on her before because she was in the garage tearing up clothes, breaking things and just messing everything up and at the same time threaten to kill me and saying it was all our fault for the things she was doing. And when the cops arrived she acted like the victim and lied her head off, so they left and she continued on.

    There is a place here for kids with behavior problems and not to long ago ebony had gotten so bad that she was smoking weed, sneaking out her bedroom window and stealing non stop from stores, so we put her in that place. She was there for about 3 months (its a year long center) But my mom felt "bad" about putting ebony in there so my mom took her out.

    Well when ebony came home she had calmed down a little and no longer sneaks out or smokes weed. But now she has started to REFUSE to go to school.

    When she was at school she would talk back to the teacher and tell them that they have "no right" to tell her what to do, in one case she was wearing sunglasses in class and when the teacher told her to take them off she told him he had no right to tell her what to do and she kept them on and was sent to the principals office. Another incident was she stood up and yelled/called her math teacher a "LIAR" and was asked to leave the classroom. She also got straight F's on everything.

    Lately things have gotten even harder to deal with because now its like Im the mother, when Ebony is going off my mom says "Jessica make her stop!!!" and every time that happens I get this feeling of sickness inside....Im the kid not the parent but then again I know that I should help so I don't say anything about it.

    Me and my sister were abused when we were young. I was abused sexually, emotionally, physically, verbally.

    Ebony was abused emotionally, physically, verbally. The abuse ranges from being beaten with whatever my mother could get a hold of to being told that she should of aborted us and to leaving us in alleys when she was drunk.....and much more.

    But my mom will not admit or own up to it, she claims it never happened. She would drink ALOT when me and ebony were younger so my mom probably doesnt remember most of everything in me and Ebony's childhood the abuse stopped about 4 years ago.

    I think this plays a role in why ebony acts this way and so I don't blame her for things.....Also because my mom denies everything it makes it very hard to get therapy.....My mother was severely abused when she was young, she was also raped and homeless by the age of 14.

    My grandmother denies abusing my mother just like my mother denies abusing me and my sister. My mother has 7 brothers and sisters and each other them have problems, ranging from depression, bi-polar and my one uncle went to jail for attempted murder and when he was released he made a home made bomb and blew his fingers off, he later died in a plane crash.

    So there is a LONG past of emotional problems in my family. My grandma is now the kind of person who claims to be sick all the time but she actually isn't, I forgot what that is called.

    Now since Ebony has not gone to school in about a month (believe me we try and make her but its very hard when she will not even get out of bed and get dressed or anything) the school called us today and said that they are calling child services.......and I must say child services is HORRIBLE here in Alaska I know that they don't want to admit it but they are screwed up, back when I was younger and I would tell someone what was going on at home child services would be called and then told everything I said, they would then come to my home tell my mother EVERYTHING I said and then told my mom that I was the one who had them called on her.

    After they left I would get beat to the extreme and then OCS wouldn't come back, they say they "lost" my file. This happened over 15 times.....

    So now OCS is going to be coming to our house and they say that we need to make ebony go to that treatment center again but Ebony still REFUSES TO GO, its either she goes or we get taken away but ebony will not go.......

    When she was there the first time she played slick and made those people believe there is nothing wrong with her! They don't believe us when we tell her how she really is.

    Its so hard!! All my mom wants to do is "get rid" of Ebony, but I know that ebony can be good! Sometimes she is good, there's times when she is calm and doesnt freak out mostly when its just me and her.

    But when my mom comes around my mom makes trouble and sparks ebony off and then its a full blown battle again. Even tho I am only 16 I know what makes ebony calm down because when I do it it works.....and I tell my mom "Don't tell her you hate her, don't tell her she deserves to die, don't try and kick her out....just please try and stay calm."

    But then my mom says "Don't try and tell me how to be a mother!" and so then everything goes down the drain again.....Its such a hostile home when my mom and ebony are around each other. I don't even know what the point of this post was....maybe I just need someone to talk to about this and I thought that this would be a good place, so that I don't feel so alone when it comes to this behavioral problem.

    Lately my mom says that she wants to "kill herself" and says things like "I never knew Id have such f***ed up daughters" and things like this......I know my mom needs help and so does ebony but sometimes I just feel so hopeless.

    I don't know how to get a diagnoses for ebony because she makes everyone she meets think shes the perfect child.....and my mom will never admit to her own problems. What can I do? :( Thank you for reading this....Im sorry this is so long...