Hitting Limits and Drawing Lines - UPDATE!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nvts, Jan 8, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Sorry I haven't been around lately. It's been tough around here. Death in the family on the 23rd, holidays, family BS (the evil sisters), etc.

    Well, I've done it now!

    difficult child 1, myself and his therapist had an 8:30 appointment. the first day back to school (Jan. 2nd). Ironically, there were no other appts. scheduled for his therapist for the rest of the morning.
    The Christmas Vacation had its highs and lows behaviorally but I noticed that there was an increase in aggression on behalf of difficult child 1 toward the other 2 kids.

    I mentioned this in therapy prior to difficult child 1 joining us, and brought it up when he did come into the office. (He's in day treatment).

    It hit the fan.

    I don't know if I told you guys, but I've grown a spine over the past few months and while I never gave in easily, I'd eventually try to find a peaceful solution with difficult child 1. Now it's non-negotiable. I had a catharsis that basically said stop letting him try and talk his way out of it, and let him learn to live with the result of his choices.

    He cursed during the meltdown in his therapists office, tried to escape (my chair was in front of the door), yelled, screamed, tried to throw things (re-thought that when the therapist raised his voice! Bravo!) and announced that he didn't care if he landed in the hospital.

    I told him that each time he cursed, he'd write it 100 times. He stopped at 1200. 600 for the "eff" word and 600 for "sh".

    Once the tantrum was over, he started to negotiate. I informed him and the therapist that my decision was final and I would not change my mind. I also announced that in the future, the decision to curse would not only result in 100 times written for every infraction, but he would also write better words to use 100 times for every infraction. He shut up really really really fast.

    When he announced that he didn't care if he went to the local psychiatric hospital. I told him that he'd be taken by ambulance and that I'd get there once the other kids were home from school, fed, homework done and Dad got home to take care of them. He was SHOCKED INTO SILENCE!!! THIS HAS NEVER, EVER HAPPENED!!!!

    I told him that I'm done. I'm done with being treated disrespectfully, I'm done being treated like a convenience, I'm done with being his target for bullying, I'm the grown-up, he's the kid and I WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE THE BEHAVIOR.

    He gave me a hug, a kiss and calmly returned to class. I left (his therapist was in TOTAL shock but was thrilled at the way I refused to be "handled" and baited by difficult child 1!) at 11:55.

    difficult child 1 did the 1200 over the remainder of the week.

    I found a paper in his backpack. His class was being taught about New Years Resolutions. His was to try to stop using disgusting curse words in 2008.

    A small victory, but a victory just the same!

    Hope everyone is doing well!

    Beth
     
  2. Calista

    Calista New Member

    You Go Girl! Tell me, Where did you get your spine? I'd like to look into that! This sounds sooo familiar. My Aspie had much the same behavioral issues and they still show up every now and then. I'm not as big of a softy as I once was, but still a softy at heart. With my difficult child and with easy child 2 who is very smart, very cute, very sensitive, and can be very mean. My protective instinct often gets in the way of my brain with both of them.
     
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Wooo-hooo! Let's hear it for the rediscovered vertebrae!! I TOTALLY get where you're coming from and hit that place last March with husband, difficult child's, EVERYONE. There's only so much one person can take.

    I hope this is the beginning of much peace and happiness for you :smile:
     
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    You can order spines on-line in any size at "Tiredoftakingcrap.com". Some are used, some are a little rickety but they support you just the same.

    Seriously, I figured out that while "I'm a willow, I can bend" the rest of the world won't. If he keeps this up and doesn't put the same effort into working on his problems that I am, he's going to lose. No friends, no family, no career and misery thoughout his life.

    He refused to do his homework the other day. Flat out "I'm not doing it, and you can't make me". I told him to close his books. Put down his pencil. I sat down at the table and said "You don't have to do your homework, love-of-my-life. We'll sit here together and practice for your future together. Ok? Now say it with me..."

    "Do you want fries with that?"

    Um, he was a little mad. I thought I was being helpful! :wink:

    He stamped up to his room, came back down, quietly opened his books and did his work. Hug. Kiss. and then on to the Gameboy.

    Hmmmm. I guess I'm done!!!!

    :smile:

    Beth
     
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    :rofl: Oh, I love that you want fries lesson. Sounds like it did the trick!

    Congrats on that spine. As difficult as it is, it will get stronger and straighter as you use it more.

    Getting a spine is not easy with our kids. It is hard to look at them and not remember when they were totally innocents. It is even harder when you know their behavior is controlled by things other than their own choices. At the same time, we need to remember that the world is not going to care about their disabilities. The world cares about if someone is doing their job, if respect is being shown. If not, our children will be rejected. That is what I try to remember when I feel like yielding. Is that behavior going to make a difference when she is working or out on her own? If the answer is yes, it is much easier to have that spine. If no, then I may yield since it is probably my issue and not hers.
     
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hey Burger Queen -

    ROFLMAO (but keeping my spine)

    From a saucy yet buttery cricket soup to serving up a healthy serving of Humble pie with a crow side

    YOU TOTALLY ROCK! :warrior:

    Hugs Star

    sorry about the death and evil sisters - but glad to see you got a double dose of spine.

    Had enough? DRAW A LINE!
     
  7. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    :bow: You are the queen of your castle!

    :bravo: Congrats mum!!!!! Hope he can be successful with his resolution!
     
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Nvts, I want to be you when I grow up. Really.

    What you grew was not just a spine. You grew a pair of something.
     
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey! I didn't want to be a grown up! As far as growing a pair, no wonder my husband keeps looking at me a little strangely and asking me if I need to talk....

    hmmmmmmm

    :bigsmile:
     
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    :bow:

    I know where I'm sending difficult child now. Just send her back when she's all fixed. :wink:
     
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    As long as she's potty trained, she's welcome!!! :smile:

    Since she's 12, she'll really give difficult child 1 a run for his money (I'll have to tell you the story about how he was 6 1/2 and asked out his therapist - local Japanese Restaurant, sushi, she could have chocolate milk OR soda - Mom can drive!). He loves older women! Marley, his current girlfriend is 9 & 1/2. He says he likes older women because they are more mature!!!


    AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

    Beth
     
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Way To Go! I'm sending my difficult child to you too!!
     
  13. nvts

    nvts Active Member



    ***difficult child 1 had a meltdown at school today (Thurs) and said "flippin'" instead of the "eff" word, told teacher that he was at the end of his rope with this "garbage", and that the school is full of "prunes"!!!

    Mooooohahaha! All according to plan...

    :devil:
     
  14. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Of course, we all know what happens when you eat too many prunes -- the :censored2: hits the fan! :rofl:
     
  15. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    :rofl:

    I love this!

    And, MB, you're a bad influence. :wink: :devil:
     
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